Re: Theohumanity, aka Daniel Stacy Barron
Date: January 05, 2009 10:51PM
With age comes wisdom. And lumps and bumps and bruises and pain and trials and tribulations and heartbreak and stuff. And..., perspective. And joy and miracles (god willing, lots of miracles.). And choices. Lots and lots of choices. The optimal solution is to make amazing choices, be an amazing human, and ultimately live an amazing life. Of course, this comes just after your amazing parents, who have made amazing choices, kiss your forehead, lift you high above their heads, and place you proudly, upon a pedestal, before the world. Confidently you are now out on your own with an amazing foundation. Right? Lather, rinse, repeat. (Oh, I almost forgot, ... and consequences!! :-)
Choices. Choices made throughout hundreds of generations influenced the people who raised YOU and you are the proud owner of genetics, inherent and circumstantial social and parental cycles, and other people's choices. Woohoo! No matter what recipe you (global you) happened out of, once you are ON your own, then, your life IS your own, and you hafta make choices. That means everyone else is making choices too, and our collective choices are mostly all squishing everyone, and every thing, and mushing each other up. (Technically speaking.)
The choice. Free will. I choose to see there are miracles everywhere, everyday no matter what. I chose love, grace and peace. Do you TRULY know what it means to be a peacemaker? Pray for grace or unconditional love? Acknowledge the genetic traits and cycles within your origin, and actively work to break your family's curses? Well, I think it means that these are my chosen lessons. Let me explain. It's like when you wish for more money... and end up with a second job. Not magically, a sudden pile of cash. I started praying hard at 6 years old. I had already seen sooo much that my prayers were pretty profound. Of course, at the ripe old age of 6 they ended with, "and God bless Mommy and God Bless Daddy and..." But, I prayed for peace. For unconditional love. And for my parents to be "fixed". I begged God to let me be a Mom someday so I could do and be all the things I wanted from my parents. 'Cuz I knew how to love my kids. And life precariously went on. I was told at 15 years old that I would never have children. I have grown two boys since then. But check this out... neither of my parents speak to my brother, and he wouldn't speak to them anyhow. My parents divorced when I was 6 and they haven't spoken (i.e., screamed at each other) since I was a young teenager. My mom won't speak to her father and visa versa. My grandmother used to berate me for speaking to my father and she wouldn't speak to my brother either toward the end of her life. I... have a great relationship with all of them. I mostly always have and it's always been a lot of work. I won't lie... some time's have been strained. I had years of strain with my Dad. Early on, there were years of fussing with all of them. I have maintained a good peaceful relationship with all of them for a lot of years now, with the exception of my father. Just before this Christmas, I drove 7 hours to his house and seriously hUMbled myself for a few days. What has happened with my son since EBE was a direct influence on how I treated my father this time though. Instead of admonishing my father for what i feel he has done wrong, for the first time ever, I could put myself in his shoes a little bit. That's not true. I have always been able to put myself in his shoes a little. I could put myself in his shoes a lot. And, I knew how hurt he was. We have not only made peace, but a break-through. A connection. Yay!! (Phew. To make a short story long!) My Dad is really really important to me and it was worth every second of it. Pride aside, I listened. I am so thankful to have the rest of our lives to build on. No matter what "the rest of our life" means, me and my dad... we're okay. How I am affected by my son has made me look at myself, my relationships, and my responsibility to this life, a lot closer.
Truth be told, I could write a book. (I won't do that to you guys, LOL.) In my life, I have always found that the hardest things I have ever done have always paid off the biggest. It just NEVER feels that way at the time. My son is extraordinary. I know that all parents say that. But I am talking about a man who is cah-razy smart. He read Plato in Jr. High, Friedrich Nietzsche in High School (and on and on) and for a good solid 7 years he read 4-5 books simultaneously. Most were philosophy and religion. Working full time and still reading with vigor, he is now headed for medical school. I have to believe that this isn't all for not. Daniel Baron doesn't deserve my son's loyalty. I believe it is a lesson. Certainly not the first, and with the grace of God, not the last. I forgive Daniel, but I will never get back this time in my or my son's life. I just don't want Daniel to get away with that. As for me, I am going to direct my energy into the greater good and a better me and work to restrict my choices that squish everyone, and every thing, and mush anyone up.