Re: The Living Word Fellowship, The Walk, John Robert Stevens
Date: March 23, 2017 01:36PM
I appreciate the responses from everyone... clearly there has been a bit of a stir up here, but I think this is good!
By nature I am a very strong, take charge type of person, always have been. Interestingly, I was once told by one of my Shepherds, that I was one of the most rebellious people they had ever known... such an odd statement that came out of left field, particularly because I had literally given up my life for these people... I moved away from my God given family at a young age to be and live under their thumb and serve them. I guess what this Shepherd really meant to say, or should have said, if they were being authentic, was that I would not serve them unconditionally without questioning their motives. I could always see right through the B.S. control, however, with that being said, I do have a tender, compassionate heart, and will help and do for others, providing there is not a hidden agenda, i.e. self serving.
Puddington: To answer your question regarding the PTSD...
1. Rejection... feeling extremely inadequate at times
2. Nightmares...
3. Insomnia... Difficulty falling asleep
4. My love and zest for life has / had diminished significantly... feeling very usurped, however my struggle with this, as with all of the other PTSD, is that only I can allow myself to own these feelings, or the circumstances that created this. When all is said and done, it is me that has to let go... easier said than done, but true.
5. Anger for what I allowed... why did I not follow my heart, my gut??? Why did I not leave sooner... why did allow them to "bully" me, or control me! etc...
6. Difficulty at times / in select situations having someone tell me what to do, or attempt to tell me what I am thinking... This is a HUGE issue for me, due to the fact that I had to submit for so many years to the shepherds...to G & M... i.e. "Designated Relationships", which in my opinion was a disaster and a complete and utter joke, as it was so one sided! I remember how a small group of us (secretly) would joke about asking our Shepherd, or DR "designated relationship" if we could buy toilet paper and if that was approved, what color should we buy!!! Seriously... the control was sick! The irony in using "toilet paper", was that it was a necessity in life... how could they say no! But, the color, now that was clearly up for debate! LOL...
When I have talked to family / friends about the control the church had on us, it was beyond perplexing for them to grasp and understand. The main reaction I get is, "but you were an adult, why did you allow it?" And of course, my answer, because I truly thought at the time that if I left, I would lose everything that I had come to know and mostly believed... including some of my own blood family who are still in the cult. I would also not be able to enter into the kingdom, so I guess that meant that I could have possibly gone to hell. WOW... what a mind _ _ _ _!!!
howmidoing: I am heartbroken... I too, like lily rose, wish that I could hug you. So please accept my virtual hug... please accept my sincere apology for the horrific treatment you experienced (you are not alone), as I mentored a handful of young adults at TLW... when no one else would. This is definitely not the heart of our Lord who died for each and every one of us! To him, we are ALL special, and he loves us all the same.
One of the greatest hurdles for me, was to separate and extract the forced mental belief that JRS and G & M, are above God,.. In fact, they are not even equal to our Lord... no one is! Since I was a young child, I loved Jesus... I still do very, very much, however, like BenTHare stated: "I detest the term "Christian". I too detest it! I am very much a believer in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! He is indeed the very reason that I exist, the very reason that I am forgiven, the very reason that I will have eternal life... It is Jesus that I worship with all of my heart, and all of my being, and him only!
My intent... my heart... on this forum is to talk candidly and with honesty, in hopes that we can continue to be healed and help each other heal through the processes and enlightenments through the journey that each of us are on. What is most important, is that we seek the truth in rightness before our Lord,
Much love & light to all!