Hiya Polar Bear....when I talk about feeling "wobbly" I would describe it as a mixture of fear, unreliable memories but disturbing nonetheless, anxiousness. I wish I were in the place of "Serenity" where she is prepared to be known by her real identity on a public forum, unafraid and possibly unconcerned for what the KCF members would think or say to her.

I am rather "wobbly" (paranoid even??)....so much so that even passing Kirkby on a motorway sign sends shivers and a sick feeling into the pit of my stomach. I have no desire to even visit the town for fear of running into anyone from the fellowship. So you see, I am bruised still, and just reading the posts on here, and posting myself, resurrects these feelings again. I want to confront these feelings and bid them adieu...it isn't as easy as that sounds though iyswim.

Does that make my "wobbles" any clearer or easier to understand, Polar Bear??

~~~and just to add....the delay in having replies posted on the website is a necessary "insurance" against abuse on the forum...but I would think others are as frustrated about the time delay as I am. I have written to the moderators to enquire about the time delay but so far haven't had a reply...but only wrote this afternoon UK time.~~~

Sorry! You can't imagine how much spam we get, along with bogus posts and attempts to subvert the boards. Also, we like to wait a while before putting anyone on automatic approval.
-- Moderator[/color:7739f2aef1]

Over the past few months I've been fortunate enough to be somewhat involved in the setting up of a charity where I work. In my understanding, one of the conditions of a charity is that they have to have a 'board' of people including a chair, a director, a secretary and a treasurer as well as like at least three other members (i think). They also have to have regular meetings about how the money is spent.
To my knowledge- correct me if I'm wrong any of the ex-leaders but there was never any of that? Nobody knew anything about the money and what really went on with it. I think if we were to go to a charity ombudsmen then we'd have a case.
It probably won't be powerful enough to shut them down or anything but it'll give them a financial blow if they get charity status removed from them (they won't be able to claim gift-aid for example)
Most of you probably won't know me as you left before me, but my name is Hannah.

I'd just like to thank the mods for the instant approval facility which they've allowed for this particular thread on KCF. I'm sure it will help us all to share together and get near enough immediate responses now rather than waiting for approval of our posts which has in some cases taken a few hours.

I am having difficulty placing some of you even though you've shared your names here....I am known for my muddled memory at times. I hope one day I will feel able to sign my posts with my "real" name, until then I am very thankful for the freedom this forum has given us all.

Blessings.

bruisednotbroken the wobbly feeling you are describing is post traumatic stress disorder. I have had it all these years It was brought on by the terror that was inflicted on me . It started from the feeling of powerlessness that my voice was not being heard and then the turning of my friends backs on me.Basically I was treated as a liar and a trouble causer cos I disagreed with what I saw going on. The only way I faced it was by grasping the nettle even if it meant driving down Kennelwood Avenue in the middle of the night. Also it was to do with the fact that I had bottled up all the feelings of horror, fear ,anger. I have found talking about it with kind people has helped me get it out .Also letting the gentleness of the holy spirit allow me to cry it out. Im blessed my husband prays for me when I feel like that and that helps, plenty of soaking prayer is healing me .Also the 12 step programme I did caused to realise that most of my problems were based in resentments to what had happened. Rome wasnt built in a day I am still working on these resentments but after they are faced and handed over to God a sence of inner peace takes themself.
Little Becky I love you dearly and I was your friend when you were young I used to be in your house all the time as your Mum & Dad were dear friends too. I was broken hearted when I wasnt allowed to see your Mum anymore. I am noit going to break my anonimity on this site .Even though I know we are being watched by KCF and they would try to divide us already. Many of you Im sure know who I am . You can tell when someone is actively involved in KCF they are legalistic pharisees who will try and lay a guilt trip on you.Im glad none of you are sucked in ...We know who they are and so did Jesus he described them as Whitened Sepulchres full of dead mens bones...Jesus didnt like legalistic control freaks so I am comforted by that...

Hi Serenity I was reading what you said about the meeting were they tried to show you the doll. I remembered some stuff tonight I remember Cheryl telling me when she said my Dad had sexually abused me , that it was a lot more common place than I thought. I was horrified well as I said I was homeless overnight and had a breakdown. It seems Cheryl is obsessed with the idea of sexual abuse. I find that very bizarre...I think she has used it for separating the children from the parents ,so she gains more spiritual power.As she appears to be the only safe person you can turn to. Once she has the person under her control she then abuses them spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Knowing that they believe they will have no support from their parents. She did this to me with my Father , also at the same time she told my Mother was manipulative, controlling and was responsible for my abusive childhood by turning her back on me whilst my Father abused me.Me and my Mum where best friends always we even came to God together. It was basically overnight I became like an orphan. One of the cruelest experiences of my young life and it was all lies...

“All that is required for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.”

–Edmund Burke

I believe we are good men and women......

It is not acceptable to tolerate evil.

It is not enough to disagree with evil.

We must fight it.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick.....

Thank you for the clarification Bruised. And thank you for sharing some of your deepest fears so openly. Is good to hear from you. When any of us have left the church, it has almost been like ending a relationship. The hole it leaves inside, the commitments that have ended, the hope dashed. And sometimes it can be so sudden, almost like a death in the family. Is that identifying with anything?
I just want to encourage you that the world is a big place, it is full of great people and great churches. As time goes by, as with the end of a relationship, I think those feelings will pass. (I don’t want to say “there’s plenty more fish in the sea, but that’s kinda what I’m saying”)
For some people, the way to healing is to get involved somewhere else. For some it is to never be involved anywhere ever again, and that is fine. That’s how you feel and that is valid too.

To Trina and Becky, thank you both for your valuable input. I just want to clarify some of the things you have said, just so we’re on the same page, so to speak. Trina, you so aptly stated that
“noone has acted in a manner which could be seen as bullying”. I’m sorry if that seemed like a sweeping generalization of the whole site and everyone in it, that wasn’t my intention. As I have said over and over again I think this is a great place. I’m sorry if I did seem to be putting a negative spin on everything here. That is just not the case. I’m also sorry if you have taken that personally, it was not directed at you.
You say “if something is helping people how can that be bad or judgemental?” What you seem to be saying is that we all have a right to say what we are feeling. You are perhaps championing the cause of freedom of speech? That if you say something from a place of hurt, then you have a right to say that, even if someone else feels that is a judgmental or bullying statement? I think that Brokenbycheryl actually said that more directly “You might not like my comments but that is not my problem.”
“Please show them the courtesy and respect that you expect from us, and please be assured that no-one on this site is out to bully or judge anyone else.” And “Sometimes when people are angry they do rant, but none of it is aimed at you - lets all remember who we are really angry at here and focus it on them rather than turning on each other.” That seems to be the common thread in what you are saying… And I agree one hundred percent; we should show people respect for what they have to say. But to what degree, and at what cost? Are you saying that everyone is entitled to say whatever they want whenever they want to? If I feel what you are saying to me is bullying me, are you still entitled to say it? I believe wholeheartedly in freedom of speech, if you felt I was bullying you I would hope that you would speak up so that I could put it right. I would hate to think that someone felt bullied at something I had said. I believe I have freedom of choice in listening to whom I want to listen to. I can exercise that right at any time and walk away from someone who I feel is bullying, or I can say “I feel bullied” and leave the rest up to them, not hold onto it with bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. If people choose not to do the right thing then that’s fine, it’s your walk. I’m not gonna judge you.
In saying what you are saying, in championing the cause of freedom of speech, and in saying that we might be offended by the things you say, but you are saying them from a place of hurt and you want others to understand, you are also championing the cause of places like KCF to exist.
“if something is helping people how can that be bad or judgemental?” There are people who are helped by KCF. There are people who it really suits to be there, and they love it. I myself was helped there, as with all things, it is not black and white; good or bad. My experiences are a mixture of the two, some good and some bad. I’m sure all of us can remember something good about KCF too…
“You might not like my comments but that is not my problem.” So what you’re saying is, you can say what you like and it’s nothing to do with you how I choose to act/react? Isn’t that what KCF teach? You are responsible for your life, if you choose to listen then great, join us and be one of the family. If you choose to leave, then leave, that is also your choice.
“Please show them the courtesy and respect that you expect from us, and please be assured that no-one on this site is out to bully or judge anyone else.” Does that courtesy and respect for others opinions extend to the whole human race, I wonder… If I feel I am being bullied, or judged, or brow beaten, surely my feelings are as valid as the next persons and I am entitled to state it. I love the sinner, not the sin is a cliché bandied around. Yes I have felt there was bullying and judgment going on, I said it, and now it is forgotten. If those who did the judgment and bullying choose to apologize then great, if they don’t, it doesn’t bother me, it’s your walk.

Dear Polar Bear I think I know who you are.If my memory serves me correctly you still have friends in KCF and you are still in contact with them...Is that right?

"I have felt there was bullying and judgment going on ..."

Well, I'm still baffled. :/

Thing is Liverpool I think KCF can effect peoples mental health so they feel paranoid and the victim .... I have had to move past that as it was destroying me... I suppose it has effected us in many ways.It is very sad to feel that everyone is having a go at you when they are not......
The only way out of that thinking is to be truly honest with yourself...
The problem is were certain illnesses are involved the person isnt capable of being honest with themselves. All we can do is pray for them to have insight....