Kirkby Christian Fellowship
Date: March 03, 2007 04:06PM
Thank you for the clarification Bruised. And thank you for sharing some of your deepest fears so openly. Is good to hear from you. When any of us have left the church, it has almost been like ending a relationship. The hole it leaves inside, the commitments that have ended, the hope dashed. And sometimes it can be so sudden, almost like a death in the family. Is that identifying with anything?
I just want to encourage you that the world is a big place, it is full of great people and great churches. As time goes by, as with the end of a relationship, I think those feelings will pass. (I don’t want to say “there’s plenty more fish in the sea, but that’s kinda what I’m saying”)
For some people, the way to healing is to get involved somewhere else. For some it is to never be involved anywhere ever again, and that is fine. That’s how you feel and that is valid too.
To Trina and Becky, thank you both for your valuable input. I just want to clarify some of the things you have said, just so we’re on the same page, so to speak. Trina, you so aptly stated that
“noone has acted in a manner which could be seen as bullying”. I’m sorry if that seemed like a sweeping generalization of the whole site and everyone in it, that wasn’t my intention. As I have said over and over again I think this is a great place. I’m sorry if I did seem to be putting a negative spin on everything here. That is just not the case. I’m also sorry if you have taken that personally, it was not directed at you.
You say “if something is helping people how can that be bad or judgemental?” What you seem to be saying is that we all have a right to say what we are feeling. You are perhaps championing the cause of freedom of speech? That if you say something from a place of hurt, then you have a right to say that, even if someone else feels that is a judgmental or bullying statement? I think that Brokenbycheryl actually said that more directly “You might not like my comments but that is not my problem.”
“Please show them the courtesy and respect that you expect from us, and please be assured that no-one on this site is out to bully or judge anyone else.” And “Sometimes when people are angry they do rant, but none of it is aimed at you - lets all remember who we are really angry at here and focus it on them rather than turning on each other.” That seems to be the common thread in what you are saying… And I agree one hundred percent; we should show people respect for what they have to say. But to what degree, and at what cost? Are you saying that everyone is entitled to say whatever they want whenever they want to? If I feel what you are saying to me is bullying me, are you still entitled to say it? I believe wholeheartedly in freedom of speech, if you felt I was bullying you I would hope that you would speak up so that I could put it right. I would hate to think that someone felt bullied at something I had said. I believe I have freedom of choice in listening to whom I want to listen to. I can exercise that right at any time and walk away from someone who I feel is bullying, or I can say “I feel bullied” and leave the rest up to them, not hold onto it with bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. If people choose not to do the right thing then that’s fine, it’s your walk. I’m not gonna judge you.
In saying what you are saying, in championing the cause of freedom of speech, and in saying that we might be offended by the things you say, but you are saying them from a place of hurt and you want others to understand, you are also championing the cause of places like KCF to exist.
“if something is helping people how can that be bad or judgemental?” There are people who are helped by KCF. There are people who it really suits to be there, and they love it. I myself was helped there, as with all things, it is not black and white; good or bad. My experiences are a mixture of the two, some good and some bad. I’m sure all of us can remember something good about KCF too…
“You might not like my comments but that is not my problem.” So what you’re saying is, you can say what you like and it’s nothing to do with you how I choose to act/react? Isn’t that what KCF teach? You are responsible for your life, if you choose to listen then great, join us and be one of the family. If you choose to leave, then leave, that is also your choice.
“Please show them the courtesy and respect that you expect from us, and please be assured that no-one on this site is out to bully or judge anyone else.” Does that courtesy and respect for others opinions extend to the whole human race, I wonder… If I feel I am being bullied, or judged, or brow beaten, surely my feelings are as valid as the next persons and I am entitled to state it. I love the sinner, not the sin is a cliché bandied around. Yes I have felt there was bullying and judgment going on, I said it, and now it is forgotten. If those who did the judgment and bullying choose to apologize then great, if they don’t, it doesn’t bother me, it’s your walk.