Re: Chris Butler, Jagad Guru, Science of Identity
Date: June 15, 2022 01:48AM
Hi Truth wins, here is my answer that did not make it into the mail box:
I am very sorry that I came off rude to you, I did not intend to do so and I surely blindly did not realize meanwhile, that it can affect you for so long. Just read everything I wrote to you earlier here in the forum and it felt, I was indeed inappropriate and presumptuous. For this again, I am very sorry. It is true, that I have not been in Butler’s sect, but I have been with ISCKON for some years, which is a bit different when we talk about the patterns of abuse, but the overall god-krishna theology is the same. Being in this forum, meeting Butler devotees in my residence, has been very triggering for me and I had again severe PTSD symptoms from my experiences. I gained weight and actually could not sleep at all sometimes, so that I had to take sick days at work. For a long time, I had it under control, but being in contact with the local Butler group of my town and writing and reading in this forum, was also for me very hard and triggering. And I suppose that many people in this forum feel like that, this is why emotions and assumptions can sometimes boil over. I also feel that many people here are really processing and digesting what happened to them, like a public diary kind of. Back then I felt like being a cornered dog who can not do anything else than biting. I believe and believed you and I don't try to undermine your experiences, actually a lot of the stuff you wrote was helpful for me and I can certainly see that you have invested a lot into dealing with your traumas. My attempt was to bring something in of my own, but failed in expressing myself, because I guess, I was scared your words would make my helpful conclusions meaningless. Despite me being rude, I really felt I opened up here about myself, also to you, and then I felt insulted that I did not get the “right” response. But nobody owns me a right response, so in the rush of my emotions I behaved childish. Further I do not know how to justify myself in this answer here anymore. I guess I just had my own journey with supranational experiences, but my conclusions were apparently different than yours and this is absolutely fine, since it is something very intimate and therefore difficult to share with a common conclusion on both sides. I hope you will be able to deal with your traumas from the abuse of Butler's sect and please forgive me to trigger these feelings. Your posts in this forum are very helpful, but also triggering to some people, so I guess there are times, where you won’t get the most decent responses from others. But if we are brave and speak uncomfortable things, we have to deal with others showing us the teeth I guess- at least this is what happened with me. And I think you know that actually, so you seem to be more fearless anyways. I am and was (after the post) very sad about it and understand that I myself have a long way to go and should consider my words much more carefully, I really agree with you there. Thank you for coming forward to me again.
Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 06/15/2022 02:01AM by Frozen Nick91.