Truth wins wrote:
But fear in a spiritual setting, is the greatest red flag and should alert you to leave. And yet I stayed in the midst of the horror movie for years.
The worst trap is feeling afraid and not knowing we feel afraid.
In a situation like this, we do not feel our fear, we have become our fear.
Likewise, in this situation we do not feel our anger, we have become our anger.
When disowned these valuable boundary emotions do not energize us to fight against or leave abusive relationships.
An abuser/leader of a cult fosters what psychologist Alexandra Stein has termed 'fearful attachement'/'disorganized attachment' --- an unpredictable combination of yearning and fear.
Only after we are 'hooked' will the abuser begin inflicting threats, fear of being shamed in public, fear of getting kicked out, fear of losing one's sense of belonging fear of supernatural misfortune condemning us to lifelong misery if we entertain doubts.
When a relationship is vital our sense of happiness, purpose, hope we crave to hold onto it and fear losing it.
When an abuser first hooks us, he or she gets us to value and crave the feel good effects he or she fosters -- and to privilege the relationsip as being scarce and special.
Humans react to this with neurological changes that get us attached.
"Hooked". We are social mammals and are wired for this.
We feel passionately bonded value this bond, want to maintain this bone -- and want to assign it high priority.
We ignore anything that undercuts this.
Domineering people and their servants seek to monopolize the information that comes to us - we are discouraged from talking to anyone outside the relationship or are even punished. We are kept too busy for outside friendships.
Only after we are 'hooked' will the abuser unpredictably begin inflicting threats, fear of being shamed in public, fear of getting kicked out, fear of losing one's sense of belonging fear of supernatural misfortune condemning us to lifelong misery if we entertain doubts.
This is how fearful attachment/disorganized attachment are fostered.
We develop a split between our conscious awareness of loving the leader versus our awareness of troubing incidents that undercut our love and trust -- these are shoved aside.When enough time passes our fear becomes a secret we keep from ourselves.
This is how we can become afraid without conscious awareness of feeling scared.
We become angry without conscious awareness of feeling angry.
This is the Superglue/Gorilla tape that keeps so many of us from leaving abusive relationships or groups.
Our awareness is fractured because of this internal split.