New from Amma Tanya White
June 28 2020 link
"I'm finally able to talk about you from a more expansive, openhearted place.
It's been two years since I discovered that you are not the enlightened Master, I TRULY believed you were; the one whom I thought could guide me to realizing my true nature.
My world was shattered into a million, tiny pieces when the rose colored glasses through which I viewed you and the spiritual community of which I was a part were removed.
I was not at all prepared for the truths that were revealed to me that day and in the weeks and months afterwards.
My heart ached in a way that words fail to fully capture. I felt as though I were plunged into a hollow pit of darkness, from which, quite honestly I wasn't sure I would ever emerge.
My heart was completely broken.
The depth of betrayal I felt for having put all of my faith in you as my Guru was so all consuming, it left me bereft of the trust I had in humanity which I'd worked so hard to gain through the years.
For months I couldn't see a picture of you or hear your voice. So, I stopped watching satsang videos, something which had been a continuous part of my spiritual practice and spiritual nourishment for EIGHT years.
I experienced the full spectrum of human emotions from rage to sadness, hopelessness, despair, anxiety, fear...you name it...I experienced it, as I simultaneously grieved both the loss of my spiritual teacher and spiritual community.
As one wave of emotions would subside, I would be rocked and devoured by yet another one!
Taking deep breaths I began to inquire within into the deeper lesson this experience was here to teach me.
At first, I couldn't see through the fog of my grief and pain. But then gradually, as the fog started to lift, and the weight and heaviness of the grief that burdened my heart and soul became lighter, small insights began to arise.
With each passing day, week and month I was more grounded in myself and less triggered and angered by the mere mention of your name.
What I discovered in the moments that I came up for air from the bottomless pit of sadness that swallowed me whole, was that I had been using my spiritual path as a way to avoid life and the messiness of this earthly journey.
As an adult survivor of childhood trauma, life was not something that had always been a bed of roses or something which I had previously (I do now thank Goddess) thoroughly enjoyed.
The spiritual path of Advaita/non-dualism which espouses that we are not this personal identity, or our personal history and story, but that we are really pure consciousness playing the role of this 'person', was the perfect path into which to escape and to anesthetize myself from the roller coaster, up and down ride, of my humanity.
After-all, if I could transcend my personal identity of 'Tanya', I would no longer have to feel the pain of my child-hood history or be impacted by life's experiences right?
You see, self-medicating myself and essentially numbing myself to the full experience of my humanity, by spiritually bypassing it, turned out to be disastrous for me.
All of the emotions I had been avoiding, suppressing, denying in my quest for liberation came roaring to the surface, when I discovered that you were abusing your position of power by having sexually inappropriate relations with your female devotees, engaging in illegal activities at Sahaja, your ashram in the south of Portugal, as well as using subtle mind control techniques and intimidation tactics on devotees within the spiritual community at Sahajha to ensure they remained, obedient, docile devotees lapping up and dependent upon your every utterance. All of which is cultist behavior BTW.
I found myself standing face to face with my own Self and had to grapple with the question of where I belonged, one which has haunted me most of my life and one which I'd sought to answer by being a part of a spiritual community.
I felt as if I had found my family and a purpose by being a part of the sangha (spiritual community).
Serving as the nurse on the medical team for the yearly satsangs we held in Rishikesh, India made me feel as if I were a part of something larger than myself. I was in my mind, helping to support the spread of truth, light and love.
I now know, that while the truth of what I am does not belong to you Mooji, nor does the ancient, spiritual path of Advaita, I no longer feel the compulsion to seek truth in another person or anything outside of myself for that matter.
Everything has led me directly back to my own Being, to seeking truth from within, where all the answers we seek ultimately reside.
I would have much rather preferred to avoid the painful, around the Mulberry bush route of coming to that conclusion. In fact, I wish that none of what I've discovered about you were true and that I really had FINALLY found my Master, the one who could have supported and guided me in my journey towards spiritual liberation.
But I can't un-know what I know now. There is no going back for me, EVER!
However, I am grateful for the journey none-the-less.
Had it not been for this experience, I would still be blindly following another person, and missing the depth, beauty and FULL experience of both my humanity and my innate Divinity.
So, thank you Mooji.
And last but certainly not least, for the record, I do believe you had an experience of awakening to your true nature as that of pure consciousness when you were younger Mooji.
However, I do NOT believe you were fully cooked and established in that truth before people started flocking around you and subsequently following you.
And unfortunately, with the remnant of your Ego still being present, it took on a life of its' own, causing you to abuse your position of power and mislead thousands of people from all around the world, because they truly believe you are an awakened Master.
It would take an act of insurmountable Grace for you to admit the wrongs you have done.
Sadly, I don't see that ever happening because of the countless people who now depend upon you and believe in you. It's too late for you to turn back now.
Which is why I actually feel sorry for you. My heart breaks for the prison within which you must live, because you know full well who you are and what you've done.
But as for me, I am moving forward and taking my 8 year journey with you and using it as grist for the mill of my soul's continued evolution.
Today, I am at peace and can look at these pics of you and I and truly feel gratitude and not rage.
For although you are not truly enlightened, I did learn some things from you that continue to be of service and of value to me today.
And it is to those pearls of wisdom that I will continue to cling.
The rest, I leave in the lap of God.
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti."