BenTHare, if I had your checklist, maybe I wouldn't have gone back before finally leaving. Well done. Lily Rose, John was charlatan and deceived us all. Not everyone was burned by him. Still a sacred cow for them. I found it easier to shake off G&M BS garbage. Harder with the John BS garbage.

Welcome Ben. Thank you for your post. And to the others as well. I'm feeling much healing coming to me from hearing from you all. Much love to all of us "broken toys". : )

Lilyrose, NickelandDimed:

I understand and frankly I'm glad to talk about it!!! No, I have not had a chance to dig through too many old posts on here. I will try to make time for that.

I was personally sexually abused multiple times by peers, stalked for years by one, I was terrified of him and his parents told my parents at one point (looks like we're going to be in laws someday)!! OMG!!!

Emotionally & mentally abused by those calling me a "liar" when I tried to talk about some of the things that had happened. I just stopped trusting people completely. My education, career everything controlled by the pastor up line.

Ignored when I would cut myself & tried to commit suicide. Ignored when I was the victim of statutory rape & several of my "friends" and at least one adult (mother) in the church knew about it and basically told me to get checked for STD's!!!!!! I WAS 15!!! Thank GOD I got away from the guy before any real physical damage was done. No one called the police, told my parents or confronted the guy at all. B/c of who his father was I suppose and that anything bad that happened was swept under the rug or "dealt with" in house.

It took me years to even realize what exactly happened to me there. I was seriously clueless. Everything was so hush hush as well.

BenThare: very well written and completely understood.

Light777: I was spit out as well when I started to assert my own will at 19 - that was very hard to grasp. And they were so sweet about it, "I'm going to need the key back if you are going to be doing your own thing now." ie: I got an apartment and didn't ask them if I could, so suddenly I wasn't welcome & my volunteer hours were not needed.

That's the basics of my experience there.


I have info on 3 different Cult & High Demand Group Recovery Therapists/ Counselors. 1 in Colorado and 2 in NY. I will find those numbers and post them here shortly or PM me if you want the information.

I'm sorry as I am new to this forum, I am just catching up with some of the older posts.

changedagain: I don't know if you already got this answered but to my knowledge (and my parents are very much involved) Rick is STILL in leadership over the youth at CTLW with his 3rd wife Lorena (whom I went to school with) which his 2nd wife Maria discovered him cheating with (big surprise there). How is that scripturally sound?

I'm so glad that when he was annoying me when I was a 13 year old, I told him to F*@K OFF!! Yes I DID!!! :) But that's beside the point.


LilyRose: When did John Miller leave TLWF? He was still there when I left in early 2000's.


LarryBobo: what you wrote on Feb 12: "The beginning of a new life for me was when I finally took seriously, “for you have ONE instructor, the Messiah” instead of pursuing all the competing voices offering something they did not even possess to give." Is SO ON POINT! That is EXACLTY what I am learning now and trying to walk out in my life.


Side note:
I have the Leah Reminy film & others on my list to watch have not done yet.

Is anyone else watching "The Path" on Hulu? Tell me that there aren't some serious similarities!

howmidoing,

I am glad you posted and told the forum. I am very sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve it. You were a child. Nothing was your fault. Rape is a crime and the adults in the church had a legal obligation to report it to the police. I wish I could hug you in person but I guess the best I can give you here is a virtual hug.xxx


In answer to your question and according to reports on this forum I think Miller left around 2012. Someone feel free to correct me if I am wrong



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/23/2017 10:05AM by lily rose.

Note: Lorena is Rick's 4th wife.

Really? who was the 1st? I only know of 3.

Thanks Lily. None of it would matter now to me if my dad wasn't still involved and my mom hadn't chosen to be buried next to John in the Shiloh cemetery. A place she never once visited when I knew her. Somewhere I can never visit her gravesite, a place she never lived or has any family connections too. It's just so weird. I think that hurts most.

puddington Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Note: Lorena is Rick's 4th wife.


oops! you're right! I was corrected by a friend that knows much more about that then I! Tammy, Shannon, Maria, Lorena....

who will be next?

Is it just me or do those sound like a special edition Barbie collection?

No offense to the poor women involved.

I appreciate the responses from everyone... clearly there has been a bit of a stir up here, but I think this is good!

By nature I am a very strong, take charge type of person, always have been. Interestingly, I was once told by one of my Shepherds, that I was one of the most rebellious people they had ever known... such an odd statement that came out of left field, particularly because I had literally given up my life for these people... I moved away from my God given family at a young age to be and live under their thumb and serve them. I guess what this Shepherd really meant to say, or should have said, if they were being authentic, was that I would not serve them unconditionally without questioning their motives. I could always see right through the B.S. control, however, with that being said, I do have a tender, compassionate heart, and will help and do for others, providing there is not a hidden agenda, i.e. self serving.

Puddington: To answer your question regarding the PTSD...

1. Rejection... feeling extremely inadequate at times

2. Nightmares...

3. Insomnia... Difficulty falling asleep

4. My love and zest for life has / had diminished significantly... feeling very usurped, however my struggle with this, as with all of the other PTSD, is that only I can allow myself to own these feelings, or the circumstances that created this. When all is said and done, it is me that has to let go... easier said than done, but true.

5. Anger for what I allowed... why did I not follow my heart, my gut??? Why did I not leave sooner... why did allow them to "bully" me, or control me! etc...

6. Difficulty at times / in select situations having someone tell me what to do, or attempt to tell me what I am thinking... This is a HUGE issue for me, due to the fact that I had to submit for so many years to the shepherds...to G & M... i.e. "Designated Relationships", which in my opinion was a disaster and a complete and utter joke, as it was so one sided! I remember how a small group of us (secretly) would joke about asking our Shepherd, or DR "designated relationship" if we could buy toilet paper and if that was approved, what color should we buy!!! Seriously... the control was sick! The irony in using "toilet paper", was that it was a necessity in life... how could they say no! But, the color, now that was clearly up for debate! LOL...

When I have talked to family / friends about the control the church had on us, it was beyond perplexing for them to grasp and understand. The main reaction I get is, "but you were an adult, why did you allow it?" And of course, my answer, because I truly thought at the time that if I left, I would lose everything that I had come to know and mostly believed... including some of my own blood family who are still in the cult. I would also not be able to enter into the kingdom, so I guess that meant that I could have possibly gone to hell. WOW... what a mind _ _ _ _!!!

howmidoing: I am heartbroken... I too, like lily rose, wish that I could hug you. So please accept my virtual hug... please accept my sincere apology for the horrific treatment you experienced (you are not alone), as I mentored a handful of young adults at TLW... when no one else would. This is definitely not the heart of our Lord who died for each and every one of us! To him, we are ALL special, and he loves us all the same.

One of the greatest hurdles for me, was to separate and extract the forced mental belief that JRS and G & M, are above God,.. In fact, they are not even equal to our Lord... no one is! Since I was a young child, I loved Jesus... I still do very, very much, however, like BenTHare stated: "I detest the term "Christian". I too detest it! I am very much a believer in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! He is indeed the very reason that I exist, the very reason that I am forgiven, the very reason that I will have eternal life... It is Jesus that I worship with all of my heart, and all of my being, and him only!

My intent... my heart... on this forum is to talk candidly and with honesty, in hopes that we can continue to be healed and help each other heal through the processes and enlightenments through the journey that each of us are on. What is most important, is that we seek the truth in rightness before our Lord,

Much love & light to all!