Re: IMPACT Trainings
Date: March 14, 2008 08:30AM
Hi Dramamama,
As far as I remember, Quest starts at 3pm MST on the first day. When I went, it ended progressively later everyday, but I think we were let out around 11:30pm or midnight on the first night. The first two days are spent breaking the participants down, and then they spend Saturday building them back up. I believe that if someone leaves the training before it's finished (the sooner the better), it's less likely to "stick".
Yes, Utah does seem to be more suseptible to these things. As a California transplant, I've noticed that, too.
You're right that jumping down her throat could make things worse. Impact teaches (although they claim not to "teach anything", ha ha) that positive thinking will make your life all better, and that negativity is the enemy (funny again, though, because most of Quest is filled with yelling, screaming, name-calling and other very negative stuff. Impact only seems to have a problem with so-called negativity if the negativity is directed at them.) So if you were jumping down her throat, she may accuse you of being overly negative. The other thing is they create an us vs. them mentality. "Us" meaning Impactees who are now "enlightened". "Them" being all of the "poor blind souls" who haven't been through any trainings. Quest trainees are told they are not even allowed to discuss any part of their experience at Impact unless it's with someone who has been to Quest. So she may not talk about it much, except to try to convince others to go to try it out for themselves.
I would suggest still being very supportive and loving of her, without being supportive of the training. Telling her sincerely that you love her no matter what, would be very important. Impact likes to put up this front that they are a source of unconditional love (which is hilarious because it's so NOT unconditional), which creates a real sense of belonging with trainees. Make sure she understands that you and your family are on her side. If she knows she has other, much better sources of unconditional love, she would, IMHO be less likely to get sucked into the group dynamic. Also, if she ever feels wronged by Impact, she won't hesitate to come to you about it.
I think that another effective tool against the training is to get her thinking logically. If she is already into any new age ideas (ie. the book "The Secret", the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know", alternative medicine, belief in past lives, etc), this will be harder as Impact borrows from many new age philosophies. Impact doesn't allow you to question what they do. One of the rules is that you aren't allowed to ask the trainer any questions, only he can. If someone does manage to ask a critical question about the training, the trainer simply turns the question back on the asker by asking something like: "How is this issue you are having right now, a reflection of your life?" After the trainer turns the table on the asker, the asker will usually, eventually breakdown and find a way to relate their question to something traumatic in their life. By then, the asker has forgotten what the original question even was. So. many trainees are blindsided, don't think what's being said through, and accept what's taught. I would suggest getting the wheels turning in her head by asking her questions, as if you were simply curious, about the training. Since you've just read through this entire message board, that should give you some good ideas. "Why" questions would be especially good.
Here's some ideas off the top of my head:
"What did they talk about today?" Most likely, the answer will be, "I can't tell you." If not, that's a good sign since she's already not following their arbitrary rules.
"Why can't you tell me?" Most likely the answer will be something about her having promised not to , or that it might spoil it for you if you ever wanted to go, or that confidential information was shared and she doesn't want to betray her fellow trainees trust. If you break your promise to keep their rules, the trainer will ask something like "what was more important than your integrity?" or some other guilt inducing question, or perhaps even kick the trainee out (but not before screaming at them in front of the entire group), thus "losing their integrity", their dignity and their $500. . If you can imagine, even those who think the rules are silly, will keep them just to avoid the consequences.
By tonight she probably hasn't had much time to reflect on what happened today at impact. It might be good to introduce some opportunities for critical thinking by asking her more questions.
"Well, I wouldn't want you to betray the confidential nature of other's experiences, but I want to know what YOU did today." Again, it'll probably be answered with, "I can't tell you".
Then you ask leading questions like:
"Why were you there so late? Why can't the training be done during the day? Isn't it harder to think clearly when it goes on so late?"
"I've heard that in self-help groups in the 70's, the trainer would yell and scream at participants. They don't do that now, though, right?" The trainer does yell at participants in Quest, and that is one of the most shocking things to trainees on the first day. Although, it's implied later that it's tough love, it's really a way to gain control over the group and break participants down into emotional and fearful states.
Lastly, there are many people who go through Quest (and even Summit and Lift-Off), are super into it for a few months, and then it just eventually goes away. They go back to their lives as they were before they ever went to Impact. The stories told on this board are heartbreaking, but not necessarily precursors for everyone who goes through impact's doors. Going through those doors is a gamble, and I hope and pray that your family member is one of the lucky ones.
*hugs*