Greatdane, I want to say thank you for showing respect to those of us who feel that our families have been harmed by MKP. As what2do stated, many MKPers sign up here, and then verbally bash us, or call us liars or both.
I as well feel that you have been lucky with your NWTA and I-Group from your statements. I agree that some of these I-Groups may not be as harmful as others. Notice the as harmful statement; I truly do not feel that any of these groups are "healthy" for a person’s mental stability in the long run.
I would ask of you, what have you accomplished in your life since MKP, which creates a feeling of wellbeing and contentment with your life? Why, after being in MKP for so long (therapy) do you still feel the need to continue? Another words, what has this group "accomplished" for you that you could not have accomplished on your own? How have they helped you become a better man? Do you see your community as viewing you as a better man, and not your community of MKP, but, family, friends, coworkers etc? How do you view women and their roles in your life compared to before MKP? Do you ever have the feeling of needing to “check in” when you have an issue come up in your life instead of just thinking on your own and acting?
It has been some time since my husband left MKP, he is beginning to understand the techniques used on him, and be able to view that part of our life with true honesty and clear headedness. What he tells me, is that for quite some time after his NWTA (he did not realize this then), was that he felt he was in an altered state of being, that he felt he was in what is called a "Bi-Polar High" and my husband does not have Bi-Polar. He feels that they created a mental change in him that was not healthy to him or our relationship.
I will say that the upheaval this group has caused in our life has made us take a step back, look, and see where we want to better our relationship, to truly be healthier in how we are with each other and how we view each other. So, I can definitely say we are better because of MKP, but not because MKP was “good” for us. We are better because of the damage they caused, which made us stop and think about where we truly wanted our relationship to go. I guess an analogy would be if one of us almost died the feeling that would create within us about how much we truly care for each other.
As well as the "strain" on our relationship, it has put a wall between him and his sister, as well as between him and his step mom. I am hoping that they can overcome this and create a better relationship as he and I are.
Our children as well were "confused" over their daddy's change in behavior and personality. He was never abusive to them, though he was very verbally abusive to me (which he had never ever been before).
For our children to see their parents constantly fighting over every thing caused "fear" within them as to "what was going to happen". For them to all of a sudden see their dad treating me as he did was very confusing and harmful to their emotional well being. We are still working towards assuring them that they are loved and that “things will be well”.
See, what MKP created for us, was damaging not only to my husband and I, but to our children. For that, I can never forgive MKP for what they do to men’s psyches.
My children went from a household where their parents talked to each other, to a household where anytime mom had a thought or opinion of her own, dad screamed at her.
We were teaching our children by example, that women should never have an opinion, and that men were the only ones with a right to “be”. We were teaching our son by example, to treat women with disrespect and to dishonor them, we were teaching our daughter, that she was not allowed to stand up for her thoughts and feelings.
One thing that made my husband stop and think was when I asked him, is this how you want your daughter to feel she deserves to be treated by her husband when she grows up? Is this really how you want your son to treat his wife when he grows up? We were as well teaching our children by example, to be dishonest with their life partners when they grow up, we were teaching them by example that it is a good thing to keep secrets from the people you love. I asked my husband, is this behavior what you really want to teach our children?
So, I guess for me, with everything "being said and done", the one thing I can never forgive, is the pain, loss of self esteem and confusion that was created in my children.
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greatdane
Thank you for your information. I understand that some groups in similar circumstances may respond by blaiming the victim. Never would I respond that way and never would I support any man within my circle to respond that way. The complaints I've read today make me sad because I can envision how some men may put their own twist on things or say what they want to say in order to get people to do what they want (coerce?) For instance, it's my understanding that the carpool arrangement was put in place to give men the opportunity to begin to get to know another person with whom they'll be sharing this experience from the beginning. It also gives these men an opportunity to reflect on the weekend as they ride home together. I would NEVER lie and say it's because there isn't enough parking.
My goal here is to learn more about MKP from other sources and to share some of the things I've seen -- both good and bad. I can share only from my experience. (So I'll try not to talk in extreme "always" and "never" terms.)
I've gotten so much good from my experience, but I still since something underlying. That's why I feel blessed to have worked with such a strong group of men who have mentored me from the beginning and taught me to be a man among men.
Best to all -- Peace -- greatdane