Thank you Painful Journey,
What you have written summarizes so much of what many of us have felt.
I just want to take this time to thank all of you who have written. I think the combination of thoughtful teaching, heartfelt experience, and even humor and random thoughts have made this a treasure. When I went through a church experience like this 30 years ago we didn't have anything like this to get input. We were isolated with our doubts.
It wasn't until disaster struck that the spell was broken and we were left to search our hearts.
Thanks all of you
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Painfuljourney
I would like to add to what TTT just said. I did not just become offended, angry or bitter one day and started to post here. I love God. I love Turning Point and I love the people there.
What changed for me was that people that love me on the outside of the church were noticing me change over time. I became more and more internally focused. I became so involved in activities that I excluded everyone on the outside who was important to me. I began to lose my joy. The goals and dreams I had for my life soon disappeared and I just wanted to follow directionless. People who loved me could tell something was wrong.
I can honestly say that I never offended anyone at TPC and no one there has ever offended me. But little by little I started noticing contradictions. One year we were supposed to give everything away, the next we were all supposed to all be millionaires. One year the vision was one thing, the next a completely other. I became confused. Lost. My mind kept on telling me something was wrong, but inside I just wanted to follow, belong. It somehow seemed easy to just go along. Any questioning inside and I thought I must be crazy or just rebellious. I thought I was the only one running these questions through my head.
Then, after a year of shoving down the doubts I started to pray for truth. As a result of that prayer God showed me truth. People began to speak to me who loved me. I found a book one day randomly and bought it. It just happened to be on "The Word of Faith Movement." Then, after praying, I accidently found this site while trying to look for the TPC website.
I decided to read it and thought - these people have the exact same questions I had been having, no way. They even went so far to call TPC a cult.
I read up on the occult and found way to many similarities. It still took months to really grasp that people that I love could be so "Off". I even became defensive of TPC when anyone spoke bad about it. Defensive and protective. After all, it was my church. But in the end, truth could not lie. What was is what was and either I could go on believing my fairy tale or grasp the hard reality that I was in a spiritually abusive atmosphere.
I still struggle a lot. It is hard to realize that everything I had believed contradicts and even offends God. But I know God won't leave me. He loves me. And in the end, God will bring justice. No one on this site has to.