Holly, its hard to respond when there is all this emotion. Didn't I say you had your reasons and that you had a right to them?
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You do realize your teacher does the same? She is not only hostile, but refuses to entertain, in any instance, someone's questions or concerns which express criticism against her and her group (How does she avoid that? By saying, "How dare you speak out against the guru. You are an ignorant fool. You better be quiet or go on your way before you suffer irrevocable karmic consequences"). Sadly, your very points contradict you and your teacher time and time again. Even more sad is you can't, won't, or refuse to see this.
That's just not true, I've seen her respond recently to someone who did just that, and I have never seen her say the words you are quoting.
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I don't think a person who is invovled with the teacher or her group has any right to speak of balance, nor do I! Let those of us who aren't in her group, haven't left her group and don't know said teacher to be the ones that can speak to "balance without influence or agenda". Simply stated, so you can't find any way around that one, you are in a position that REQUIRES your support of your teacher (because you are WITH your teacher and if you can't see her as "good", then you have no reason to be with her); I am in a position that knows the force of declaring her as "all good" while with her, now able to see the "bad" and therefore can (and have) provide(d) both viewpoints; those without either of these experiences can judge with an impartial view. Like it or not, we are simply too close to the situation to be anything other than "partial". That's the honest truth, John.
I'm really having a hard time making sense of this. Are you saying I don't have a right to a voice here?
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Someone once admitted to reading "Perfect, Brilliant, Stillness". They were all but torn apart by your teacher "I NEVER AUTHORIZED YOU TO READ THAT BOOK! Everyone here must ONLY read the books I authorized." Past and present students reading this will, if they were there, remember this as well. You were there and will remember, unless you choose to forget. And I am totally comfortable with saying that ONE instance alone would be enough to keep anyone quiet about ever sharing what they are reading that ISN'T authorized by your teacher. I actally know, first hand, people have and continue to read books off of her list. They don't admit it to her. Why? Because they would be reprimanded and, if unwilling to stop reading, would be told to leave.
Um, well, I was there and I don't remember it that way. I remember her saying it wasn't recommended, but "torn apart" is a pretty big exaggeration in my opinion. I remember people insisting that the teacher had, actually recommended it and her insisting she hadn't. I feel I pretty much read whatever I please these days -- and what you said about no reading philosphy? Puh-lease! Like I'm going to go burn my editions of Kant, Kierkkegaard and Hegel. . . .She never said anything of the kind. I taught Plato's
Symposium a few semesters ago.
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Suppose you went to a Kung-fu teacher and he asked you to do exactly as above. You tried very hard to learn his moves, but he kept chaning the rules, telling you were doing it all wrong (despite the fact that you were doing what he told you to do, though later he changed his mind and gave you a new move to learn while delcaring it had been a move he had taught all along ... but, he hadn't ... he kept changing his mind). You notice a class next to you. These guys are all performing their moves with relative ease and flow, while their teacher may be keeping careful watch over them, he is not attacking them with a stick (as your teacher does), but showing them how to correct errors by demonstrating it himself. Your teacher, discovering you are watching this other class, comes and slaps you in the face and then intoduces another new move to you. You ask, in exhaustion, why that move is being introduced or what the motive is behind that move itself, but are slapped again. Suppose.
Suppose you went to a teacher who told you
ahead of time that the modality is fluid, that things will constantly be changing, to be prepared for regular shifts? As for "hittiing people with a stick" I think that a wild exaggeration. I have never seen this Guru strike anyone, but surely you mean that metaphorically. Just because people get chewed out doesn't mean the teacher is corrupt or unethical.
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John, you are not privy to this information because you are not, have not beeen and (may be now, thanks to your public devotion) a part of her inner circle. I know information about you, your girlfriend, your family. I know information about her inner circle (Sachi, Siddhananda, Suvrat, Hridaya, Vicki). I know information about her members in her group: Santhip, Diane, Jarom, JR, Mary, etc, etc, etc. I know information that they don't know I know (and that other's know) that is private because they have never shared it in the groups. How do I know? She's readily, consistently and arrogantly provided it all to me. The general public is receiving her counseling: I even know personal information about these people and they aren't even her students! Does the public know that she shares their private information with her closest students? Do they know there are often people in the room with your guru when she is giving them counseling on the phone or Skype? I think they deserve to know that. They are paying her $100 an hour, after all. If you require proof of this knowledge, then they only way to do that is to spill people's private information.
You also met me several times and we were friends on facebook. Of course I shared a lot of information with you. I shared a lot of personal details with you. We had many conversations. So did the others you mention. You were my friend. . . my dear friend.
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Do they know there are often people in the room with your guru when she is giving them counseling on the phone or Skype?
As far as I know they always do. People I spoke to acted like this was the norm.
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Would you like me to share about what I know about you on here to prove as much?
Is that some kind of threat to keep me from speaking my mind?
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Call it what you will, the fact remains that I am sharing honest, first hand experience and have not told a single lie about any of it. You have failed to prove otherwise. The simple truth, John, is there dozens, upon dozens, upon dozens of people that have left her and feel the same. The sad fact is they don't want to have to face your teacher's scorn or bitterness. The reality is I have nothing to lose, a lot of mistakes to correct and I will gladly take your teacher on with narry a flinch. Am I scared? Terrified. Am I willing? Let my sharing here reveal that for you. Will your words diminish what I have shared in my heart, the hearts of those that have left her, or even in those that want to leave her now? Not even close.
Holly, you have a right to keep doing whatever you think you need to do. But I have to say I have a right to voice my point of view too and I disagree with your take, and I do not think that everyone who left, even some long time students, would agree with all that you are saying.
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Also, John, so this board and those that visit it can have a better understanding of your "position within her group": you have been kicked out of her primary group for a variety of reasons. You are in a group that is no longer authorized to do her practices, to get individual one to one attention, etc. And this is because you didn't do exactly as she told you do (again, details which I know which you may not want exposed). At least be honest about who you are and your position in the group. You fell far and hard from her good graces (as did I) and it is really no wonder that you would work just as hard to try to get back within them.
Honestly I don't agree with you here. "Primary," "secondary," these are your labels. Shifting to another modality didn't feel like a hard fall at all (how many times have we seen things shift and shift and shift before)? I never had some of the deeper practices and I don't feel ready for any of them right now. I don't feel like a lesser person or an underling to any of those with the "deeper" practices. True I don't get nearly as much individual attention as some but so what? Moreover, teacher actually recently personally (at length, and to me) answered many questions that came up here, for example about her finances, medical condition, so-called divulging of counseling secrets, the lineage, etc. I was afraid to ask nothing.
What is this fixation on details I may not want exposed?
--JL.