The Anticult wrote:
if you are being taken advantage of by BK, and you start to feel healthy anger toward her for tricking and exploiting you, if you buy into her system, you will turn that around back on yourself.
Close devotees of Andrew Cohen suffered severe abuse from Cohen and his favored enforcers. They too were trained to turn around anger they rightfully felt toward Cohen back upon themselves.
Its a classic 'THe problem isnt the guru. The problem is that you are projecting your stuff upon the guru...blah blah.'
Andre van der Braak spent 11 years as a much abused disciple of Andrew Cohen. He was trained to turn the anger he felt toward Andrew around upon himself.
Early in the relationship he has doubts and is in his first period of disfavor with Andrew Cohen. Andre has a conversation with Harry, another friend from Holland, who is in favor with the guru.
Andre reports 'I am also having some doubts." Its out. I look at Harry, a little tense, on my guard, checking out how he will react. The D-word has been spoken.
Harry nods with understanding.
'Yes, that's normal. We all have that response. You now, the mind can come up with the most horrible thoughts and they can be very persuasive.Only the point is where do you stand? Do you belive that these thoughts are the last word? Or do you recognize these thoughts as the ego that is rebelling? You know what Andrew says: "if you want to be free, indulgence in and preoccupation with doubt can be very dangerous. Be very wary of doubt. Doubt is mechanically produced by the ego, and has nothing to do with discrimination.'
Andre goes on. 'I start to explain why I have doubts but he interrupts me.
Harry: 'I dont have to know what they are about. I'd rather you dont' empty the garbage can of your mind. I only wnat to know wheter you recognize it as garbage.'
This is from the late 1980s. But it reads like an early version, macho form, of the turn around. Substitute 'story' for 'garbage.'
After the conversation, Andre van der Braak writes 'Yet now I feel humiliated, trampled, mistreated but isnt that just the voice of my whining ego, feeling sorry for itself, the voice of the enemy that must be strangled?
'I had been reading transcripts of Andrews dialogues day in and day out for 9 months, several hours a day: The importance of wanting to be free more than anything else, the law of volitionality, taking responsiblity for all our actions no matter how victimized we feel; facing everything and avoiding nothing, no matter how painful. This is still my mission. However much I feel personally humiliated, I still trust Andrew.' (pages 85-87, Enlightenment Blues, Andre van der Braak)
He describes a conversation nine years later, also with Harry, when Andre van der Braak is pretty much out of the community, but Harry is still in the community and is being the current scapegoat, dumped on by Cohen and everyone else:
Note: this dialogue takes place in Amsterdam. Its interesting that yet another American born nondual entrepreneur (Andrew Cohen) has a critical mass of disciples and some real estate in Amsterdam)
van der Braak writes on pages 193-4 of his memoir Enlightenment Blues: "Harry is still in trouble (with bully guru Andrew--note how they are made to sound like children being slapped around by a brutal school master)...
'Harry is still in trouble and has to clear out of his house (an Andrew Cohen residential house) in the Rozenstraat. On a Thursday night Harry and I carry boxes, mattresses, cupboards. It seems almost like old times. Once everything is in the moving van, we look for a cafe.
'Harry tells me about his travails. Since March when things started to go wrong (he fell from favor with Andrew Cohen), hes been under heavy pressure (from a self appointed monarchical bully).
Andre quotes his friend:
'I will spare you the details, Andre, but a side of my personality came up that was truly ugly, horrible. " Since the fall of 1997, when Sophia had to go into retreat, Harry had been leading the Amsterdam center as well as the one in Cologne, alone. Travelling back and forth between both cities, he tried to keep everything going. That had to go wrong, sometime. I think back to a meeting with Dorothy, in April, when she blamed Harry for all the stagnation in the Amsterdam center.
(How can you work wholeheartedly and recruit for a guru who is abusing the living shit out of you? Corboy)
'Harry tells me more. He was sent to London to do a retreat. Robert came to talk to him everyday and yelled at him because nothing had changed. I think back at how Robert tortured me about Andrew's book. Yes, I know what it must have been like.
'Harry tells me how he looked into the mirror every day and wondered why he did not leave. How he lived through the most horrible doubts about Andrew, the most intense fury.
"So what will happen now?' Andre asks.
"Well" Harry says, "Andrew has been very generous with me. He is giving me another chance. He's told me to go to Australia for a year."
"Australia?" Andre expresses surprise. "But Andrew's center has just been closed there because there was so little interest! What will you do there, in the middle of nowhere?"
Harry: 'I will try to drum up some interest in Andrew's teachings. It's really a great opportunity!"
'The more Harry tries to convince me how great this is, the sadder I feel (Andre reflects) ...
'Harry has gone probably gone through ten times as much misery as me, but he has stayed loyal to Andrew. Harry had ten times as much reason to leave, but he continued to say "yes" where I said "no".
"In his own view, he followed his heart, where I, in all my weakness, started listening to my mind.'
But Andre van der Braak may also have reconnected with embodied feelings he previously shunted to one side. Much earlier in Enlightenment Blues
, on page 88, he mentions how on Andew Cohens orders, van der Braak went through 100 rebirthing sessions 'with a therapist' at the time when Andrew Cohen was still in Corte Madera, Northern California. van der Braak obeyed, went through the sessions and returned to serve Andrew for many more years of abuse.
***Nowhere does Andre van der Braak ever examine the possiblity that those rebirthing sessions may have done something to split off his mental and embodied anger at the outrageous demands Andrew Cohen made upon him (disrupting a series of relationships his disciple had with women) and Andrew Cohens equally outrageous ingratitude for van der Braaks hard work as an editor and proofreader.
And how did Andrew Cohen single out rebirthing as the treatment of choice for his doubtful disciple? And who was the therapist? Someone chosen by Andrew Cohen? Or was Andre van der Braak allowed to choose his own therapist?
No where does van der Braak ever consider that the rebirthing sessions may have acted as a drug to dissociate him from well directed outrage at this ungrateful bully bully.
For on page 192, van der Braak, who had left Andre but still wondered whether he was right to leave, still hoped he could stay in relationship with Marianne, a woman who unlike him, was still loyal to Andrew Cohen.
'Marianne comes home in tears. She has gone to see Andrew, to tell him she wants to come back into the community. Andrew told her that it is better for her not to be in a relationship with me then, becuase I will have a negative influence on her. He has said to her that my letter was understandable from a worldly point of view, but crazy from his perpective.
'I am furious. How does he have the nerve! To ask me for 1500 guilders a month, and simultaneously take away my girlfriend, the third one in a row! He is not getting a penny from me! I am now pissed that I wrote him such a generous letter. How many times do I have to be jerked around by this man until I stop being under his sway?'
This is what happens when an abused disciple emerges from a split, re-owns his or her estranged emotions, and turns them OUT upon the abuser instead of turning them around and inward in self lacerating assault, while the abuser walks away, enriched.
Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 04/07/2009 02:43AM by corboy.