Re: "Jesus Christians," "Australian cult," Dave McKay
Date: April 18, 2010 10:05PM
Some highly recommended reading on the "Chris Butler, Jagad Guru, Science of Identity" thread where the consequences for one's own personality as one learns to successfully "assimilate" into a cult environment (in which one now psychologically "fends for survival")...have recently been discussed....
Very pertinent in my mind to what we can now see in so many of the current members of the JC's, who no doubt tell themselves that any adverse criticism of them is just "Satan at work", seeking to thwart them from realizing "God's will" .....they likely would not even be aware themselves of much they have changed since joining up.....their initial idealism slowly strangled off......
(posted by Foolish Fear)
Yes they are trapped in the illusion that they ARE doing Gods work!Absolutely
I have been very hesitant to post here for so many mind boggling reasons as you former Cbers would know.
For the past 3 days I have read all the threads,some of it shocked me,some of it helped me alot to know that my inner feelings are not wrong..I have so many feeelings right now that it is quit overwhelming!!!But of all of these there is mostly saddness,disappointment when you thought "Wow ive found the way and Ill never be disappointed again"Boy was I wrong.I have been living the cb life now for many years and just recently left,slowly and painfully leaving...Due to the knowing that I would loose my so called family and friends that were all ive known for so long.Also the Fear of them feeling I have betrayed them in some way.Well I am NOT the betraying one here.I have loved sincerely all of my friends from this group and considered you my family..How can we be family if I choose to live my life different and you choose to no longer like or love me??To me it is not loving or kind or pleasing to God to stop caring for someone just because there doing something different in life.Thats called conditions not unconditional love which is what REAl family has!!
I didnot leave because of any one particular reason but for many things that I consider contradictions to LOVE for GOD.But I did have an intense experience that pushed me forward.That was with myself.I recently made a comment to a friend and she said"Wo when did you become a bigot??"It was like a huge light came upon me and I started reflecting on my behavior and the changes I have made(good and bad)Of coarse I went thru the"you not surrendering to God,its all you,your Karma,blablabla.But that is not true.I finally realized that when your hearing constant negativity about certain people from someone that you consider a great teacher,you follow his example(mindlessly i might add)going against your own inner convictions and knowing.Well God gave me a brain to use so Im using it now!!!I am very flustered and I feel foolish for buying into this shit for so long...
Before CB i was a kind and generous and particularly a non judgmental person as I believed that is the way to please God.I didnt even realize what a jerk i was becoming and sounding just like him when i would talk to myfamily outside of the group.Wo.
(Comment 1)
A big part of the healing process for me after leaving the haribolers was coming to this forum, reading the posts, and posting myself.
It was a great relief to discover that it wasn't me, it was them, and the fact that they are a cult and much of what did not sit right with me about this group was due to their cult behaviour.
You say you have spent a lot of time reading through the posts here and that is good because there is so much relevant, insightful, and intelligent information.
I am very grateful to have extricated myself from the cult of CB and it is only when you get away from them that you begin to see things clearly. What a relief!!
My 2 cents: don't beat yourself up, view it as a learning experience, take whatever positive you can from your experience, and get on w/ your life.
But disassociate yourself from them. You will be grateful that you did.
(Comment 2)
Foolish Fear,
Great post, very honest. Every one of us have been where you stand now, the fresh hurt, the doubts. And I reckon everyone of us is greatly relieved that we finally obeyed our own integrity and started to think for ourselves. After 14 years I left in about 1986, about because it was kind of slow (sounds like you know all about that). I have managed to build a happy, loving life and many of the scars have healed. One thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that whole mindset about offenses against the guru is just bullshit, I thought I would be blighted, I waited for the misery. The opposite happened, I have been very lucky and love life again instead of viewing most of humanity as depraved.
I will never forget the isolation of those first months. I thought I was the only one who thought and felt like me. Forums like this or Gaudiya Repercussions weren’t around then. My ‘welcome back to the human race’ moment was when I read George Orwell’s Animal Farm. I realized that while my particular story and cult experience were unique, the story of wonderful ideals gone wrong and corrupted leaders abusing others was a universal one.
Hang in there, there is nothing to fear!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/18/2010 10:16PM by Malcolm Wesley WREST.