Quote
doubtful
Reading the posts on this site is becoming an obsession for me. I have been an SGI member for over 20 years, a district leader for about 6. I have always had reservations about many things in the organization, including Master-Disciple which later became Mentor-Disciple. I joined because I was searching for a dynamic spiritual experience among progressive people( I was openly gay), but I wanted it rooted in some tradition. Scientology or any new age thing was not appealing AT ALL. A co-worker thought Nichiren Buddhism could help me sort out some of my demons. It did. I became very involved in brass band, gymnastics, shakubuku campaigns, tosos, discussion meetings etc. My non-SGI friends said I was indeed happier than I had been before. although I was constantly trying to bring in new recruits. I did make some genuine friends in SGI(NSA back then). In fact, I cherish those early years despite the cult-like craziness which I demonstrated. But two things never sat right with me: 1)members were constantly encouraged to chant to get stuff or become something 2)most SGI members and the publications knew nothing about Buddhism outside of SGI's version of Nichiren. In my own study I would learn about apparently significant Buddhist concepts that would rarely appear in the pubs. However, the Eightfold Path and the Four Noble Truths did eventually appear in Living Buddhism and I then felt SGI was in fact improving. I made it my mission to lead discussions incorporating these concepts and others in my district. This went well, although some hardcore members felt I was too scholarly. So everything was fine then a few years ago this whole Ikeda worship with those awful videos went into overdrive. I had always thought his "poetry" did not deserve that label, but I could ignore that. What I could not ignore was the constant emphasis on the Mentor-Disciple. Has it occurred to anyone of these believers in it that the vast majority of successful people in the world never heard of this practice--that you don't practice Buddhism to make your dreams come true! You practice Buddhism to overcome the 4/8 sufferings, to improve your perceptions, and to illuminate your fundamental darkness--not to get stuff like money, raises, partners, jobs, auditions, etc. I also identify with a lot, too many of the issues raised against SGI in this forum. However, I don't have the guts to leave, yet at least. Furthermore, I like singing "Forever Sensei," whenever I am at a big meeting at the center(which is very, very rare) simply because I like the tune and the energy of everyone coming together to sing it arm in arm. Truthfully, this forum may initiate my departure from the organization but not the practice. Nothing beats it. I simply don't care about ment-disc despite the number of times I have gotten guidance on it. I also simply do not believe Ikeda or SGI do ANYTHING to make the world a more peaceful place. Receiving honorary doctorates, putting up pictures, poetry, and exhibits don't change anything. There's so much more I can write and all with a heavy heart.
Hi doubtful, from reading this (and your other posts) I can totally identify with how you feel. I split from SGI back in January after 4 years of being a member. I couldn't come to my own realisation of what SGI was about, it took a person I was trying to Shakabuku to challenge me to read this forum for me to see the truth of SGI. I can honestly say I have never felt so emotionally distraught, confused and weak in my life. Its a massive thing to challenge such a deeply rooted belief you have, SGI is so deep in your mind. You seem much stronger than me, I couldn't handle it, and actually posted on here trying to defend SGI, because I couldn't think what else to do. You mentioned in another post that you felt like you wanted to cry, when your ready, maybe you should let it all out. I know I cried alot.
I wasn't a leader or anything like that, obviously your situation is more complicated. I think you should rely on your own wisdom to decide what to do and when to do it. But be assured there are many people on this forum who will support you and help you make sense of things.
From your other posts it sounds like you have a very deep knowledge and understanding of
real Buddhism. You wont lose that if you leave SGI, infact you will probably develop more and more.
With regards to your mom, I would say use your own wisdom to decide if you want to put her through what you are going through at the age she is. There is nothing 'magic', in a good way or bad, about SGI. If your mom is a good person she will be protected.
There is a term in psychology, 'cognitive dissonance', which refers to when a deeply rooted belief which you are so sure about that you take it for granted, is challenged by the 'logic' part of brain, the mind finds it very difficult to cope. There is a 'war' in your mind, between your old, entrenched thoughts, and the new critical thinking which you find it hard to ignore now that you are so aware of it. I would say this takes
time to heal and for you to become stable again. Take plenty of time for yorself, time to think things through, and time to take care of yourself.
I hope I'm not being presumptuous, I just got the impression from your posts that you have many of the same feelings that I had.
Take care of yourself, please keep us posted.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2010 05:38AM by DavidM.