I purposely missed the Tele conference last night. I got a memo today and decided to dial in and listen to what it was about. I quickly hung up. I did the table's for May contribution for almost 5 years. I dont want to hear the frantic, we need to make this goal or else speech anymore. I give becuase I want to give not because I am looking for some monetary benifit. Which for my recollections never happend. When I was married back in the 80's my husband and I gave $9000. I might at best give anywhere from $100 to $300. this year I gave a bit more. I WANT TO SEE HOW MUCH WE ARE WORTH.
Yet SGI is so super special that must not reveal it. What are they hidding.
Okay everyone you all have to help me, please. I attended a study meeting in my district last night where the central figure had not even read or studied the material in advance and blatantly relied on me(the district leader) and another leader to "help" her out. Then came a Rock the Era pitch, then a teleconference with a couple of testimonials concerning May contribution culminating in a tiresome plea from Linda Johnson on the same topic. Yet, I must admit, the lecture in Living Buddhism saved what could have been disastrous, given that the room was unusually full and there was a guest. I and the other guy did end up helping out, i.e, leading it. Okay, people make mistakes and no one at our level is getting paid so I cannot fault the scheduled presenter, even though this is the second time she came unprepared to our study meeting. I guess studying the Gosho or Nichiren does not demand serious attention but RTE and May contribution do. I continue having mostly negative feelings about staying with the organization. I know most of the people are nice and mostly harmless. The reason this is getting so hard for me is that I see new victims (guests) and to an extent I am part of the hooking process. During my impromptu performance, I did point out the validity of other Buddhist sects and religious practices but is that really enough? I looked around the room and saw them as people, good-natured people who think they are making the world a better place by attending a study meeting and promoting contribution and a youth festival. I have been no better than them, yet my newfound perspective has the potential of turning into anger or superiority. I don't want to do this to them. This forum is extremely therapeutic for me, especially when people respond to my posts and share their experiences. So please keep everything you've got coming my way.