Re: IMPACT Trainings
Date: November 13, 2008 04:52AM
Hello everyone...
Let me just say it's taken A HECK OF A LONG TIME to get to the end of this thread, but I have finally done it and I can finally post. Whew!
I actually came to this website to research another LGAT..."secret society" thing that I was invited to recently when I saw messages about Impact. I became curious and now, well, here I am. I was shocked to learn about how much damage this LGAT has caused and I am sad for anyone who's life has been affected adversely.
That being said, I wanted to say a few things. I went through the core trainings about 15 years ago, back in Sacramento - following the suggestion of my mom and step dad, who (of course) went throught it as well.
I am considering myself lucky since it seems that, over time, the people at the top of this pyramid have shown their true colors. Maybe since I went through it in the early years, they hadn't really perfected the art of brainwashing and hadn't become so corrupt. Who knows.
All I can say is that I really didn't have that bad of an experience (I can feel the winces now). I cannot speak for those people I went through the training with...since I have zero contact with them. I can say that my mom and stepdad went on to staff a few trainings and did the couples thing. When I told my mom about what all has been revealed here, she was literally blown away.
The harshest thing that was said to me (by a staff person) in feedback was "You are a throw away doll". If I have to sum up my own dysfunction - or issue for me to deal with in life - I would say that I am super co-dependent. I come from an 4 generation alcoholic family and there is a trend of women codependents. Anyway, this statement was essentially true and stuck with me because I did put myself and my own needs last on the list. And, when I did, I felt selfish or guilty. I remember people struggling with giving the feedback. I know people on here have said how verbally abusive their feedback experience was...and I can see how this would happen. I don't recall anyone using f-bombs or anything...but, again, this was a long time ago. I have read everyone's comments about their feedback experience and wanted to ask you guys something... If you were doing something in your life that was harming you, would you want to be confronted about it? I am not advocating that this confrontation needs to be abusive - but, would you want to know? Every time I wanted to confront my husband about how much his drinking scared me and how much it made me feel second best or like crap, etc..... I FOUND THIS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT. But, what is the best thing to do in this situation. Shall I just continue to avoid dealing with it? Shall I deny that it's even a problem? Or, no matter how painful and hurtful it is for him to hear it...shall I tell him how I feel and what I think about him? And, if I do tell him and he decides to do something about it... isn't that better? I guess this is my idea of the whole "caring about someone enough to be honest". That's what I took from feedback.
I think the fact that my mom had kinda told me in advance...don't take it "SO" seriously...HELPED. I do remember how we were all instructed not to ingest anything artificial so if we experienced any somatic pain, we were to truly "experience it". Anyway, after the first night, I had a major headache so I took an aspirin. I immediately FREAKED OUT and called me mom. I was like, "Oh man... I messed up. I took an aspirin and I just remembered I wasn't supposed to". She said, "Don't worry about it. Just don't say anything. It's not a big deal". Thank god for my mom. Clearly I was starting to become "effected" by the idea of not conforming and being intimidated. He advice really helped me stay grounded in myself and not become dependent on the trainers for approval, etc.
I also remember chosing my buddy or, as was instructed "the person you are most uncomfortable with". Nice. I picked some older man who had that shaky, alcoholic look to him. I took the instructions seriously. And, I did learn something about myself in the buddy process. I don't like to depend on men. I told this guy..."look, you don't ever have to call me or worry about me, etc. I will be here on time". Funny, i wasn't the least bit concerned about him being there. I was so creeped out about him being my buddy and did my best to make sure I never needed him for squat. I am sorry to say, guys, but this was pretty much a "mirror of my life". I.e., my childhood experience with my alcoholic father made it almost impossible for me to think any man could ever be there for me. So, I made sure no one had to. Even though I was able to come to this realization, tho, I wasn't fully able to trust the real man in my life (hubby) for some 8 years more. It took a long time for me to let go of this need to be "strong" and actually tell my husband that I needed him to be there for me.
I waited a month or two before i did summit. My lifeboat experience was stressful. I do remember that...and how I gave away my sticks/life. The most stressful part about it though was that my mom told me in advance it was going to be really rough. So, I got super nervous and ended up throwing up during the sequence when we were all crawling across the floor. Other than that...my stretch was to dance around in provocative clothes singing, "Cold Hearted Snake" with two other female trainees. I don't remember there being any cows. I do recall some really macho dudes who were asked to do balet (in tutus). Is that really a horrible thing? I recall lots of trust falls and the feet washing thing.
In lift off I remember we had to go to this mall and get people to march in a parade with us. Kinda stupid, but especially challenging if you are shy or introverted. Could actually help someone's anxiety to do something like that. And then ropes course - which I really thought was cool. I struggled with Lifeline and saw that how i did it was (sorry again) another reflection of my issues (trying to be in control, working at it "too hard", smothering my egg, which broke). My mom staffed lift off and when it was over, I remember the blindfold coming off to find them (mom and stepdad) washing my feet, taking care of me...and it was a GOOD THING.
I never recruited anyone. My husband was against it the whole time - ironically because of it's Mormon ties - and the cost. I told him about this board and what everyone was saying. He told me that, looking back, he feels like I did change after all was said and done and that I was "more confident".
Anyway, I have a lot more I wanted to comment about - about the whole "good and bad" thing and how Hans has clearly stolen material from Neale David Walsch within the last 5 years. Oh, and using it out of context and not really "living the idea" of it. I will stop for now though, because this message is WAY TOO LONG and I imagine someone might have something to say.....