I want to start out this post by saying this. I am a sinner. It is really no big surprise. I have been in Christ for almost 10 years now. Not that long of a journey, I realize. I realize that in certain circles I am, as well as other "escapee's" are probably being discredited and, while the flesh inside of me hurts at that, I truly don't care in my spirit. There are still days when I feel that maybe this situation with RLC is just being blown out of proportion. Then I see people who have lived it and I am reminded of the hurt that they have all been through. Bill and Jen finding out lies were told about them when they left, that people were being told that they were angry and that they did not want to be contacted, Matt and Ryans testimony about that night at Wally's, Dan's testimony about the damage done to his family, Whatajokes hurts and frustrations, Mike and Heidi's Testimonies about the hurt done by the leadership, My Families testimony about the strain and wedge in our family among other things, The testimony on the Greg Huth page from Jessica, and all the other stories told here. It is not about us wanting to just come and spread stories and "gossip".The power of these testimonies has caused others to add it to their own experience and see that it equals something that is not good.

No matter how much paint you use to cover the damage done to a building,if the building's foundation is cracked the establishment will crumble. How many mass exodus's, of the faithful in the congregation, is it going to take before the leaders step back and see that it is not the people that are leaving that are the issue.

I thought I would share what I read from The Message in my devotional today. It is ironic that this was the same scripture used to create and defend spiritual parenting.

1 Timothy 1:

"1-2I, Paul, am an apostle on special assignment for Christ, our living hope. Under God our Savior's command, I'm writing this to you, Timothy, my son in the faith. All the best from our God and Christ be yours!

Self-Appointed Experts on Life

3-4On my way to the province of Macedonia, I advised you to stay in Ephesus. Well, I haven't changed my mind. Stay right there on top of things so that the teaching stays on track. Apparently some people have been introducing fantasy stories and fanciful family trees that digress into silliness instead of pulling the people back into the center, deepening faith and obedience. 5-7The whole point of what we're urging is simply love—love uncontaminated by self-interest and counterfeit faith, a life open to God. Those who fail to keep to this point soon wander off into cul-de-sacs of gossip. They set themselves up as experts on religious issues, but haven't the remotest idea of what they're holding forth with such imposing eloquence".

While the leadership may argue that this teaching was done a while ago, not fessing up to the destruction in its wake is careless at best. Please also consider the structure of the church and how this teaching was allowed not only to be taught but encouraged and to continue to this very day. I implore you leaders to seriously look at the structure of the church. If the structure does not change, the church will not grow and eventually die a slow and painful death bringing people of faith down with it. May you seek to be in the center of God's will at whatever the cost.

Karen

here are 2 deep thoughts...

1 "Making Mistakes and paying dearly for them will cause painful failure. Not resolving the pain of my failure can cost me my destiny."

2 "There are three inhibitors to repentance: Isolation, Pride, and wrong motive."

My testimony
About 10 years ago I was faced with a personal crises within my family. I soon realized that my life had gotten really out of sink, everything in my life was falling apart. My marriage was on the rocks and the relationship I had with my children was nearly non-existent. My Business had become my god. As I came to that realization I knew that my life was searching for something to fill that emptiness I had in my heart. So I surrendered my life to God. As I repented from my ways I realized that my anger was out of control and so was my language. I would pay attention to the things that would make God angry and soon I was tiptoeing around trying not to do the things that would make God angry. Some things started to fall back in line yet somewhere in this journey, as I look back at the last 10 years and I recognize that I'm not any closer to God than I was 8 years ago. Sure, I have been meeting each week for bible study & discipleship with Greg Huth... I can say that thru discipleship at Radiant Life Church I have learned this, and it has been reinforced thru the teachings from Tony Cunningham.
More Right Behavior + Less Wrong Behavior = Holiness.
I have been taught “You got to buck up, get your sin under control then God will give you a little more of himself, only then will be able to get closer to Him.” So I think “Ok I think I got it "More Right Behavior + Less "R" Movies = Holiness.” I read that we are supposed to be victorious in Christ! So I Practice more self-control! “Anger Management & Sin Management” I would hear Greg say “Why can't you manage your sin better Dan?!” My life Motive has been "working on my sin to achieve a more intimate relationship with God" Oh sure we can change our behaviors for a while but as we hide the sins we can't control, we are unconsciously inviting blame, shame, denial, fear and anger to become our constant companions. This theology of a more right behavior + less wrong behavior creates an environment that gives us permission to wear disguises and masks. It complicates the chain reaction of unresolved sin causing us to loose hope. This sin management thinking is breaking our hearts!

You see, I realize that in my effort to follow God I have come to that fork in the road. You know….One path leading to the right and the other to the left and there are two roads signs. One reads "Trusting God" and I think to myself, wow there is nothing to do but,… trust… and that does not look very heroic. So, I read the other sign and it reads "Pleasing God" and I say, Yeah, Yeah-Yeah! Well of course, look at all the stuff that he just did for me… and I am thinking about the cross…the resurrection and all the miracles. Well of course, that's what I want to do, I just want to make him happy… I want to please God. So I start down the path of pleasing God… soon I come to a huge building and over the door it says "striving to be all that God wants me to be". And I think well of course it's kind of like the Army….and then that old hymn pops in my head….Onward Christian solders…as I hum to myself. I reach for the door…the doorknob has the words "Self Effort" and I say to myself well of course this makes so much since, I just can't sit around for God. I have to get involved….roll up my sleeves and apply myself, no more sitting on the sidelines for me.…. so I open up the door and walk in. In the room there is a huge gathering of people and they are engaged in loud conversations and a hostess walks over to me and says in a quick manner "welcome to the room of good intentions" I look around and I say "wow I have finely fond my place! I'm in here with all these fired up people….Wow, we are going to do so much done for God." Then I ask "How is everyone doing?" and now, in looking back I remember how the room got so quite and I heard people look up from their conversations and say fine….yeah, were are doing fine… we are working on our recovery issues over here…were a bit liquid here but, we are fine…. The family??? Oh yeah…We are all just fine...then someone asks me "how are you doing? with a surreal sincerity" "Wow," I say, "I am so glad I have found this place and this group of people! Everyone is all fired up for God!"… "We are going to get so much done…I mean, yea I still have some anger issues and some things that I don't understand…I'm still trying to working it out. But now that I am here with all of you, its going to get much better. Yea I know ….I have some Hang-ups…. but that's OK…I'm now in here with all of you". Then the hostess taps me on my shoulder and hands me a mask and I look at it and she nods and I look at the group of people and they all nod and I put it on and….Yeah… I,. I'm just doing fine…just fine…yeah….just fine.

This is my life. This is who I have become. I still carry around the hurts of being offended. 8 years have gone by I have the understanding that some how the proof of godliness, the measure of being a fowler of Christ, the proof of righteousness, the proof of living the life of a Christian is found in how well I behave. Discipleship has become a place where I posture and mask. I can’t ask questions because it might be considered that I’m causing dissention in the group. And if I see something that just does not add up to the scriptures that I read but I’m afraid to disagree because I don’t want to be kicked out of this group. I can bolster up with a good teaching only to walk away with more condemnations, guilt and shame. In discipleship, I have invented new masks. I have the "Holy Man" mask and I have the "I know my Bible" and "I am the victim" mask. It is so easy to sit around with a bunch of guys each week and buck up listening to my teacher elevating himself meanwhile I’m justifying my condition. I'm in this room for years and I realize I really don't feel any closer to God that when I first got in here. It's like God is still over in some other group of believers or he is some other building. Or He only hangs out with the "inter-circle" of believers…and here I'm am with all my baggage still working on all my sin issues…the longer I am in this room the more efforts I see the people around me making. I see the leaders around me are bucking up being more spiritual all night prayers, fasting, going on out reaches, feeding the homeless….I can never match up and I can never get into to the intercircle. They are showing me what they have done to win the favor of God and other people. Telling me about how they are serving other people because this is pleasing to God and telling and showing me the sacrifices that they are making trying to make it into the Iron Man Christian Club.

This lifestyle of thinking has warped my understanding of love and it has distorted the pure love of God. Yes, I have bought into this life style of sin recovery, and its has allowed me to live in denial of my sins. You see it has allowed me to cover up the true condition of my heart. I can mask over my true situation keeping up my appearances trying to please people. This deceptive religious spirit it has been my best friend and have carried so well, and I have known it for so many years. It has blinded me, & deceived me. My life has often looked like this; I Sin…. Confess…. do good for a while then sin again, embarrassment, Confess again… Pray to God to take away the desire! I do good for a while…sin again, feel sorry, repent, ask for prayer, I ask God to deliver me from the temptation. More determination, I Set some boundaries…..Get tempted…a little victory…oops SIN AGAIN now even worse than before, shock, anger shame, distance from God, despair, confess again, repent, make new promises, get an accountability brother, sin again… feel miserable and ashamed Dissolution, doubt, guilt, shame, self-loathing, self-condemnation, self-pity, resentment at God, why doesn't he hear my prayer? Why doesn't he do something? More anger, then fear that I let myself get angry at God. Then real heart Confession, a real heartfelt one, and a since of cleansing. Ah , a new start. Things seem better. Yeah, Finally I've got this sin under control, Oops Sin Again. Desperate efforts, bargains struck, once-and-for-all healing. I really mean it this time. Sin again. Lose hope give up rationalize minimize, blame pull away, hide, judge others, put on a mask go past the sin again, and so on. That is my life, and I hate who I am.

This theology of pleasing God has consumed me. It has shown me that I need to somehow learn to cope with my issues. Learn to have external self-control. It breads an environment of comparing myself to others, that some how I'm not all that bad. Yeah, Yeah after all what I am doing is not hurting anyone else! I'm not like Charley Manson! I justify my sin becoming angry and impatient with others around me. I put others down, I am critical; I am like a ticking time bomb waiting to blow up with anger. I am so performance driven, the only love I have known is performance based love. If I do well others will love me, then I realize I love others the same way, if they do good to me then my love meter is on. Grrrrr I'm so incredulous, hopeless that love seams to be so empty. I'm so unresolved, I'm insecure, excessive and compulsive, I self-deprecate, I can go private and hide and when I fail, I feel like such a hypocrite, I'm insecure about my gifts. I am afraid of criticism and critic. Yet I can criticize others, I am impatient, I judged people in my heart and elevate myself above. I am often self-centered. I often make my wife feel less than more than enough. I still do not know how to pray very much or very well, I generally make promises that I cannot deliver because I want to be flattered and needed. I get dark and scared and then insecure I am frozen in my fear. I am so stinking tired of working on my sins and no one has told me that all my efforts of working on my sin is like re-arranging the chairs on the titanic. No one has told me that if I get one sin fixed there are 33 more wheelbarrows full of my sin to be brought in. In this room, good intentioned people have pulled me to the side and ask me are you really saved? Like maybe, it did not take the first, second or third time…maybe I was not sincere enough. Maybe they did not hold me down under the water long enough when I was baptized. Just maybe you still have a demon. The longer I'm in this room I see new people come into this room all fired up for God with recourses and they get welcomed with open arms. Eventually they get used up taken advantage of and then suddenly you look up….and ….you don't see them in the room anymore. I feel used up nobody wants me around anymore because they cannot take anything from me anymore. I look around at all the people in this room and what I once saw as determination, Fervor, sold out for God, sincerity and a desire to please God. I now see has become cynical & skeptical. Many seam alone and lonely, the conversations are shallow and one-dimensional, and if you look close enough there is a lot of hidden pain in their faces. People are in this room with so many hurts and they feel judged they are shamed.
As I move about in this room I see the inter circles of leadership, the outer circles, and the ones who don't really fit in, I hear wacked out teachings from the inter circles of Leadership, "Authority & Spiritual Parenting" and the lists of things that God hates. You got to buck up, be better, fix yourself with more motivational recovery meetings. I see many people here trying to get closer to God. Many people have began walking down that path of getting to know God only to get derailed by keeping up appearances and they are so tired disillusioned.

So frustrated, I have become so discouraged that I have stumbled out of the room and I make my way back to that fork in the road. To that road sign that reads "Trusting God". I look closely to make sure that there is not another road and there is none. So I start out limping down the path. I come to another huge building and on it are the words "Trusting who God says I am" and I see a doorknob that says "Humility" and then it all starts to come together. I walk into another crowded room and the hostess greets me and says, "welcome to the Room of Grace. How are you?" and because I have been in a room like this I say "I'm fine…fine….who wants to know" and the room is quiet. So now I feel judged, I am mad, and then I yell out "OK!....I'M NOT FINE!....I HAVEN'T BEEN FINE IN A LONG TIME…..I'M TIRED, I FEEL GUILTY MOST OF THE TIME. I'M CONFUSED, I'M SAD, LONELY AND DEPRESSED, HECK, I CAN'T MAKE MY LIFE WORK! I HAVE HANGUPS, HURTS AND HABITS THAT I CAN'T SEAM TO SHAKE OFF NO MATTER WHAT I DO. I SEAM TO MAKE SOME PROGRESS ONLY TO FAIL WORSE THAN I DID BEFORE. IF YOU KNEW, HALF THE THOUGHTS I HAVE IN MY HEAD YOU WOULD NOT WANT ME IN YOUR LITTLE ROOM SO THERE, I'M DOING……..NOT FINE!"
Then as I reach for the door I hear someone say from the back of the room "Is that it?...Is that all you got?......that's it? I'll take your confusion depression and bad thoughts and I'll raise you with habitual sin, compulsive lying and chronic back pain. Oh and I'm in debt up to my ears! Then the hostess nudges me and says, "What he means is you're welcomed here." And I am ushered into a room of people who are painfully real. And soon I find that this room of grace is a place where I can be real with the people around me. It's a safe place and as for working on my sins issues. It’s as if the Lord himself has come from behind that huge pile of my sin and is now standing beside me. He is looking at me, he is holding me, and He assures me that He loves me. He tells me Dan I love you even before you were born I have know about all of it. I have waited so long for this day to hold you here.. as he is looking into my eyes the shame and guilt melt away. I'm standing with God with my sin in front of me. He looks at the huge pile of my sin and he says, wow Dan thats is a lot of sin… And my shed blood is enough for it all. And now the longer I hang out with him the more and more my reactions and attitude start to change towards sinning. New wiring starts to connect, my motivation is not about what I can do for Him but simply, trusting him.

You see God has given us an example of how this works in his creation. If you take a caterpillar to a scientist and ask what is this? They will run all the tests and DNA tests and come back to you with these results. The scientist will say "What you have here is the complete perfect DNA of a butterfly, It may not look like one yet but it has simply not matured into what is all ready true about it, a butterfly". That's what we are, on the day we receive Christ and trust him is the day our DNA is changed. We receive the full measure of Christ. We mature by trusting Him. I realize that much of me has not matured yet, much in my life has not healed yet I can stand here knowing that even on my worst day it is Christ who robes me with his righteousness. Oh and this blessed assurance it girds up my feet so I can stand my ground. Knowing that I am just one of his children, my faith is strengthened. This is a message that needs to go out to all the hurting, dejected, abused, neglected people in and out of our body. We need to recognize what path we are on, what the room we are in, and we need to come over to the path of trusting God and to the room of grace. We need to extend the same grace that God extends to us to all the folks here in our body. On my worst day I am Christ in Dan Davis it is only thru his righteousness I am made clean. I can only trust him to continue to be my hope and my salvation.
You see in the room of good intentions we strive to change into something that we aren't yet, Godly. In the room of grace, we grow up and mature into something that is already true about us Godly. The first room creates a work based performance driven relationship with God and puts the emphasis on the efficacy of my effort. The second room places the responsibility on resources of God. God isn't interested in changing you he already has, the DNA is set. God wants us to believe that he has already changed us, so that we can get on with maturing us into what he has already made us. And trust, opens the way for God to bring us into maturity, without trust we don't mature because we are trying to change to become Godly.

So in trusting God he changes my prospective out of the relationship I have with him. I start to mature into what is already true about me because he already has changed me.

So if My Motive is Trusting God, Then My Value Will Be Living Out of Who God Says I Am, and My Action will be Standing with God, with My Sin in Front of Us, Working on it Together. I am allowing God to remove my masks I am now trusting God. I am living out of who God says I am. God wants to see his reflection in our face the problem with our papier-mâché masks is they don't reflect.

There are so many hurting, dejected, abused people inside and outside our Church body. I recognize that I want to extend the same grace that God extends to me.

I am praying for the Repentance, Restoration, Reconciliation, Restitution, Renewal and Rreturn to our first Love.

Respectfully submitted ~ Dan

Hello Everyone-

Having pressed the issues a bit further, I am convinced of your need to be heard. My heart is entirely saddened at the literal abuse being committed. Our God must weep buckets. What makes me the saddest are those of you reading this who have questioned God and his love or his ways. I am reminded again and again of the following scripture:

Romans 8:38-39
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.


I sit here recalling the faces of those who have moved on. It's not the same without you -even some of you I didn't know very well. I may never see any of you again and I wish I could tell you how much you are loved and how special each of you are in your own ways. You each brought your own special light and love. I must admit that I feel great remorse for those closest to the top as I beleive they will be the most broken from this mess. The fire is hottest at the center. I hold no bitterness for any past "snobbing." If anything, I feel I know where the attitude was coming from. That's one hell of a fire to be standing next to.

We cannot be silent. We cannot allow this to happen to our body any longer. We must have a voice as the body of Christ. The silence is choking us, a slow slaughter of his sheep.

Please be assured, if only from one who has no teaching credentials or position, God loves you today just as much as he ever did. He wants you just as much today as he did the day you first walked into that building. You are still his his children. Nothing can change that. This is not man's interpretation, but straight from the good book. Please continue to seek him.

Love, peace, and healing to you, my family in Christ.

The premise that Tony puts out in his book called “the moment of becoming” tips off the quirks in his theology. That some how you’re not good enough yet… That some how you do not measured up to the fullness you should be. According to the many teachings Tony stresses that you have not arrived yet. According to Tony you have not perfected yourself enough to be part of the inner circle.

If you take a look at the absolute truth of trusting God with who he says I am, now & today. We learn it is humility that attracts grace. The moment we accept Christ is "The Moment of Un-Becoming" un becoming the condemned sinner and becoming his child… That’s my new identity…that who I am..
Many pastors like Tony are afraid to teach people about grace because they are afraid that the believers would start taking advantage of God, that they would do "Christianity Light" and for many they are afraid of giving up the control they have over the congregation. That’s were RLc has become a works based, performance driven church.
Un-Becoming is more about trusting God. Like David yelling back a the giant Goliath "I come against you in the name of the Lord almighty…This is the day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I will strike you down and cut off your head" David made that bold move out of faith not obligation or keeping up appearances! Living a life for Christ by trusting him is my primary motivation.
Un-Becoming = Less of me + More of Christ in me.

[[b]quote his daughter]Hello Everyone-

Having pressed the issues a bit further, I am convinced of your need to be heard. My heart is entirely saddened at the literal abuse being committed. Our God must weep buckets.[/b]


his daughter....................First of all thanks for pressing the issue a bit further and seeking truth on your own. I want to thank you for understanding and I also want to thank you for being an encouragement on here to those who have been abused. It amazes me when people get on here and just dismiss the issues as "every church has its problems, people are not perfect." The issues and problems at Radiant Life go beyond the day to day differences and routine disagreements that arise in every church. The issues are abusive and have destroyed many lives. Many people will also get on here and say get over it, move on. It is a healing process and there are many people that have struggle years with different types of personal abuses against them. The issues in the catholic church are a great example. You just don't get over any type of abuse overnight because there are so many emotions at work. Also once there is healing that has started there is more of an urgency to warn and help others. That is why this just won't die. thanks again for seeking.

Now is the time mentioned in Ephesians 6...

REMEMBER...

We don't war against flesh and blood, but against pricipalities of darkness(demons)...

This battle will be won in two ways... PRAYER... and STANDING YOUR GROUND!

DO NOT RESPOND TO INTIMIDATION OR MOCKING BY THE ENEMY BY RETREATING...

FEAR IS NOT OF GOD!

REBUKE IT AND SEND THE SPIRIT OF FEAR AND INTIMIDATION WHERE IT BELONGS...THE PIT!

I have been reading this forum for some time now but only now do I think is my opportunity to post. My name is Richard Holmes and I attended Radiant Life for nearly 6 years. I have been out for two months plus now and have since been free to learn what life with Christ for me looks like. Below is a letter that I sent today to every one of my SOMA classmates as well as a couple of leaders at RLC that I was encouraged to post here:

Hey all,
I believe that this letter has been a long time coming but I was not free to do this until recently. I thought texting might be the way to go but your phones probably would have vibrated for 24 hours straight. But as I said, this I feel needs to be done and in love and obedience to my God I am going to do this. I wanted to share with you what's been going on with me. For about two months now I have been out of Radiant Life Church (no youth ministry, Ministry of Thanksgiving, nothing). I used to think that would be one of my worst fears and it would be the most horrific thing if that ever happened but really, that has been one of the best things to happen to me.

From the beginning of this year to now God has placed me on a journey to find myself. Originally I thought much of the journey was to help the youth grow in their relationship with God. Little did I know I would be the one impacted the most. However it started with the youth: In Brigades I began to see different teens pulling out of Tuesday nights, then a whole lot more leaving the Living Room on Sundays. The explanation by much of the leadership was this was a form of rebellion and that these kids wanted nothing to do with God. It angered me that youth always seemed to be in the wrong but the leadership was right and I was a freaking leader myself. Could not have God been speaking to them as well or through them? Matter of fact, some I can tell you have left and do love Jesus. I have spoken to them and they have shared with me what God is doing in their lives. But they did not want the package that Jesus was being wrapped in.

And it was the package that they were nothing but big fat sinners and they needed to stop doing what they were doing to have any type of relationship with God. The emphasis was always on their sin and seldom on the love of Jesus which would lead them to repentance. And to add correction, they WERE dead because of sin with no hope of being cleansed but because Jesus found them and they came to Him, they are new creations, they have a new heart and new spirit inside of them. Outside of Christ they are filthy. With Him, they have God's law imprinted in their hearts and minds. (Hebrews 8:8-13) Their hearts are good. They may still sin but it's God grace that covers them and by that grace comes genuine repentance. It does not come by leaders (I am speaking to myself when I say this) lording teaching over them. They were never taught that and they became dillusioned with following a god who constantly wanted them to change on their own. They wanted more, they wanted life. Jesus teaches the love of most will grow cold as generations go by. But what God shared with me one day was the reason love will grow cold is not because of the devil but God worked it that way. My generation was content on hearing about God. This generation and the ones to come want to experience Him. They are sick of people telling them about how great God is and they want to know this great God personally for themselves. Brigades unfortunately was a homogenous system that never afforded them that opportunity (everybody being told to stand up during "worship" though and being labeled as rebellious if they didn't was sick to me because Jesus says the true worshippers will worship in spirit and truth). So, they left to find true relationship with God. And I can't say I blame them because this is where I was and am...

I need to say this bluntly: You who have not seen me in awhile do not know me. Even if I lived with you, what you saw was the "behaved richard" (little "r"). The Richard on edge, the one afraid to fail. The SOMA version of "Richard" the Richard you all saw me as was not me. Nor was it the Richard that God wanted me to become. Why do I say this? Well, for one I was never comfortable around many of you in any setting. I always felt inferior to a lot of you (I am just being human when I say this). I felt I was always competing with you all and therefore really didn't want your good in mind. Now I did talk of having an inferiority complex one time in SOMA so I am not regurgitating what I previously spoke. Nor am I saying you all did anything because that is not the case either (so please do not ask yourself what could I have done to prevent this because I honestly believe there was nothing you could have done-I needed to go through this journey with God). So to continue I was not happy with the "SOMA me," hell the me in general and I never knew who I was supposed to be be. I mean we had SOMA then FNW then GAP followed by Sunday services; so many teachings I felt taking a step back was in order to find who I truly was.

So I withdrew from attending the GAP eight months ago to pursue my relationship with God. Sometimes I would romance God alone at home. One time I bought sparkling cider and poured two glasses one for both of us and me and God would eat together. Other times I would just chill at home and seemingly do nothing but what I found out later was that I was learning to rest in Him. It was on those nights God began to show me how I had lived my relationship with Him through other people and never knew how to approach Him for myself. So, I let God minister to me. I'm not boasting but rather stating facts when I say this that often times the very things God would teach me would be what Tony would speak at the GAP (I had Ministy of Thanksgiving the next day so I know). Hearing this I began to get excited to see that I never needed a man to show me how to walk with God that the Spirit of the Living God lives inside of me was well. So, I was free not only to not attend the GAP but FNW and Sundays as well.

I mean we've been taught that God is holy and righteous which He truly is. However if w're going to use the RLC definition of holy it's, "consecration; to be set apart for God's exclusive use" well who better to show me how He wants to be approached then God Himself? And that was my problem before, instead of God, I listened to man. So, I believe God led me on this pursuit of finding Him because this manmade god that I felt was burdensome and obligatory was certainly not one that I wanted to spend time with or who I fell in love with. And I have never been the type to do things because others did it though I tried desperately to make that work in our class.

And come to find that apprehension in me in wanting to conform was not a curse but in fact a gift. We are all different and God will speak to us differently and if we all attempt to do the same things void of the Spirit it becomes lifeless, dead religion. Speaking of religion I will ask you a question God first asked me weeks ago,"what's the difference between religion and hell?" Both are full of condemnation and guilt and both are void of God's Presence and in both places the enemy has a field day with people.

Today I can write this and declare it: I am free!! Free to be me, free to live, free to make mistakes and free to be a friend of the Almighty God. And I love this new life that I get to live. I no longer talk to God because I should nor do I say anymore that I don't spend time with Him enough. I spend time with Him because I love it. And it doesn't look like anything I've ever known. Sometimes it's me playing video games other times it's a movie, sometimes it's taking a nap, other times it's talking to God until He puts me to sleep in Him arms (By the way God reminded me one day what significant things took place in the Word when He put people to sleep: i.e. Adam having a rib removed by God to create woman, Jacob wrestles with God) Just like the Phillips Craig and Dean song said, "(God) calls me friend." (John 15:14-16) You are my friends if you do what I command. So if we listen to his leading (command) don't we follow into this friend equation?

God told me this and I believe it to be true each and every day. He is taking His people back to the simplicity of walking with Him in the cool of the day just as it was in Genesis. No more striving no more burdensome labor but as Jesus said my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Jesus' burden feels like no burden at all as His "burden" replenishes it invigorates. I want to share a revelation with you that has changed my view of life with Christ completely. I encourage you to read Genesis 2 stop at verse 15 where it reads, The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it" and to ask yourself what work did Adam really have to do. Everything was being taken care of by God. The only "work" Adam had was to rest in God and enjoy what God had made-namely life. That's where God's taking me to the joy of just resting in Him and enjoying life.

So, do I support a vision? Sure do, the vision of Christ Jesus which is to love who He puts in my path. He has done such a work in me that youth are no longer the only ones I want to minister to but also a middle-aged co-worker of mine and her family, young adults and children. I also have an ever-increasing desire to love and care for my family which I completely neglected while in SOMA, love those who have left Radiant Life Church and to demonstrate excellence in the workplace (God's definition of the word "excellence" not mine or others). Those are my ministries and I don't need a title to exercise that authority. And I will tell you it is so damn liberating to love people not because God will be mad if I don't but just because I want only the best for them. I love youth like Danny Visconti, Harrision Kimball, Matt Wanner, DeAndre and Arian Jones, Vince LaMar to name a few not because I have a list telling me to call them but because they are loved by the Almighty God I want to spend time with them. They are my joy and heart. I love my family and given a choice I would spend time with them more than any human on this planet. They have always been there for me despite me not affording them any honor or respect. And God has showed me that they deserve that.

I asked a few of you minutes before graduation and some time after how I could spur you on. The responses I heard was to keep doing what I was doing at the time. I think that though I don't feel God wants me to attend any of the class gatherings yet that I have been faithful in keeping my end of the bargain. As I said the Monday before our graduation night, meeting was never the answer to keeping our class from staying connected. How can we stay connected void of the Spirit? But the answer lie in Philippians 2-"(Having) encouragement from being united with Christ, comfort from HIS love, fellowship with the Spirit, tenderness and compassion. We can attempt Acts 2:42-47 even try and make our conversations purposeful but are we just copying what others have done or are we hearing from the Lord ourselves of how He wants us to live? I want to love God in everything I do and say but until HE tells me what I am doing is not loving Him and others I will speak and be free from the guilt of speaking something out of line. God's kindness leads me to repentance.

Galatians 5 says," It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened by a yoke of slavery." God's commands are not burdensome so if I don't do something out of fear from walking away from God I living by the old covenant and not the new. The new says nothing can separate me from the love of God. The new says perfect love (GOD) casts out ALL fear. I love this life and I would not go back to the way it used to be for me for anything in the world.

So, it's lengthy but this is a small part of the journey God has taken me on. No, I have not walked away from God on the contrary for the first time I know life more as my Father intended it to be and it feels hella good (as No Doubt would say).

I also feel I am at the place to allow others to support or reject me in this new direction God is leading me on so I afford you all the opportunity to do so. Regardless of what you choose, not to be an ass but I will tell you I really don't care nor do I need you. I have my God, my family and my friends (my true friends, Kevin Reta and Ruben Garcia) who have been there for me through this entire journey and that fellowship is all a man could ask for.

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whatajoke
[[b]quote his daughter]Hello Everyone-

Having pressed the issues a bit further, I am convinced of your need to be heard. My heart is entirely saddened at the literal abuse being committed. Our God must weep buckets.[/b]


his daughter....................First of all thanks for pressing the issue a bit further and seeking truth on your own. I want to thank you for understanding and I also want to thank you for being an encouragement on here to those who have been abused. It amazes me when people get on here and just dismiss the issues as "every church has its problems, people are not perfect." The issues and problems at Radiant Life go beyond the day to day differences and routine disagreements that arise in every church. The issues are abusive and have destroyed many lives. Many people will also get on here and say get over it, move on. It is a healing process and there are many people that have struggle years with different types of personal abuses against them. The issues in the catholic church are a great example. You just don't get over any type of abuse overnight because there are so many emotions at work. Also once there is healing that has started there is more of an urgency to warn and help others. That is why this just won't die. thanks again for seeking.

WAJ
I agree that the issues and problems at Radiant Life go way beyond the day to day differences and routine disagreements that arise in churches. Yes, They are deep twisting of the scripture that control and manipulate unsuspecting believers and it has been done with a superior arrogant holier than Swiss cheese attitude. Tony has flogged off his words like they are from God when in all reality his words have been from the very pit of Hell. Take Spiritual Parenting for example….Tony does not care how many get hurt or shot he just keeps going on like nothing is happening teaching on "Simple Truth" Well you want to hear the simple truth…..Tony you have stolen enough children with your Spiritual Parenting and we the parents want our children back!!!! Yes we are mad at you and we are clamming our children back! And yes Tony I am Mad at you for deceiving us and our children! I am mad that the so called Elders who don’t have a back bone any more and they keep on tolerating you. Tony you are the Nicolatians and Jezebel incarnate. You have turned this house of God into a den of money changers. As you run around trying to shore up your alliances and allegiances you have become a pathetic man like a player on the TV show Survivor. You are fending for yourself slandering any one who would challenge you. You have become everything you ever preached against.

Watch out Tony….He is coming for you….soon…and He is Mad