Re: Kirkby Christian Fellowship
Date: August 17, 2012 11:50PM
I used to be a member here "back in the day" and I can testify to some of the things that have been said. There are people in KCF who I have known for a good number of years. One of the hardest things I found was being ignored after I had left. I have seen members cross the road and actively seek to avoid contact. People I had called brother and sister for years and had been involved with my family and been regular, loved members of my household. I can honestly say it was one of the harder things to do to leave and I've felt so hurt since by those peoples behaviour.
Something that kept me going each week was the promise that we were somehow better than other churches, called to a higher purpose. After I left KCF I went to a few different churches to see what was what. I was surprised to learn that there are many churches out there that have a wonderful Christian life and a calling to a purpose specific to that group or area. There are churches in deprived areas, churches in middle class areas, churches who cater to lots of children and churches full of young people full of vim and vigour. I have had the time of my life exploring my options and feel that after trying a few paths I found one that was right for me and my own particular walk. One of the things that has become clear to me by doing this is that I now see I was in an abusive relationship. Imagine, if you will, your partner says that you will never be happy with anyone else, that what you have is special and that if you leave no-one will ever love you the same. Everyone out in the world is damaged, we can only rely on each other. It's only when you look back that you see how destructive and insecure it sounds.
I remember being terrified of the leaders too. I honestly thought they could read my mind or God was showing them what was going on inside. I am, after all, a human being and have the same human feelings and thoughts as anyone else. Sometimes people do my head in, sometimes I wanted to walk out, sometimes someone attractive would catch my eye. I have never felt so judged as I did in those days and I'm so happy I'm out and allowed to be human again. I can remember people being brought to the front of the church "in sin", the shame, and (I'm embarrassed to say) the shear relief that it wasn't me.
So anyway, I'm glad I'm out and have never been happier or more secure in myself or my faith. I wish I could explain or show what a difference it has made; that letting it all go will not lead to me or anyone I love being punished or going to hell and that life is actually better and more free. I hope that people do leave. If you're thinking of joining then don't! I don't feel bitter, I don't feel vindictive and I still think of many people from KCF with much, much fondness. Which is why I'm writing here. Like the friend who says (usually over glasses of wine and a box of hankies!) I don't think this person is good enough for you, I think that you could do better...