This is how gaslighting operates in religious spaces: someone says, “There was abuse,” and someone else replies, “But I had a nice time.” This is a deflection. A shield. It protects institutions and egos, not people.

What’s striking is that this response comes from someone who’s spoken elsewhere about the harm and deception they endured in their own church. You’d think that experience might have made space for caution. Or empathy. Instead, it reveals how easily discernment is overridden by what feels good.

Hello folks! I’ve not been here in a long time. I was reading all the posts to catch up. I must address KirkbyFurby are you saying there was Sexual abuse at Kirkby Christian Fellowship? I am an abuse survivor myself from my childhood. I’ve not heard about the sexual abuse there. Did you go to the police? How was this handled, can you be more specific? I have never received any response for the mental and emotional abuse, inflicted on me by the church. Except DD when he had left the church, tried to make amends to me, but I felt very uncomfortable with this. Are you able to share more openly about what happened to you. This has been a cathartic space for me to share, all of my crap, over many years - leading to my healing.

Hi deprogrammed not sure who you are, but thank you for sharing so many thought provoking videos, and your commentary is also very good. Critical thought and reflection contribute to the inner work that, all of us must do to heal the wounds of abuse. For those of us who don’t feel they can heal, by doing the inner work themselves, and continue to be triggered by unresolved inner wounds. Then referral to talking services through your GP is a must. Self referral to the community mental health team in your area is also possible. I have CPTSD, and still have flashbacks and am triggered, by the severe trauma I have had in my life. Your Grandmother was working with me at the age of 8, trying to heal the terrible abuse I had been through Furby! I now have the tools to deal with that trauma and no longer, feel the need to project all my stuff, on the perpetrators or innocent bystanders. As for justice? Are you not aware of the karma, that played out in KCF? I could say more, but that would expose your identity, and I get the feeling you prefer to remain anonymous and rant at the moment. The power remains in your hands to get help and heal.

I can see, I will check out the deconstruction zone. Thanks for sharing!

KirkbyFurby Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sexual abuse of children happened at this church.
> Much like the Church of England’s scandals, the
> leadership handled it “in house” and then covered
> it up. There has never been an admission of
> wrongdoing, no accountability for those who
> enabled or concealed these crimes, and no apology
> to the survivors who were blamed, shamed, and cast
>
So why did you not contact the Police about this and press charges?

Warning:

Let's try to get along here.

No personal attacks.

And no one is entitled here, i.e. people may respond to posts or choose not to respond.

No recrimination.

So after that, I will continue…
This is Sam Howson an ex member of The Soul Survivor Church in Watford. I find this video helpful as he expresses the cognitive dissonance, he still feels today, after years of spiritual abuse. This is how so many people in this forum feel despite it being decades since we left. KCF has not changed, sure they will spin some B.S, about the nativity or a revival of love. The sad thing is they are so bound by false doctrine and hemmed in unable to critically think about the situation they are in. They don’t know what “love” is, or for that matter what true spiritual freedom is. As a side note, I have never seen a church with so many leaders, more than the congregation and all of them toxic and running on ego. Some of them have been there for over 40 years. All of them are there to control the sheep, it’s unhealthy.

[youtu.be]

And for general education:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in women can manifest with traits like an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, similar to men. However, women may exhibit more subtle or indirect forms of narcissism, potentially leveraging femininity to manipulate or control. They may also be more prone to passive-aggressive behaviors, spreading rumors, or using manipulation to achieve their goals.
Here's a more detailed look at some key characteristics:
Similar to Men:
Grandiosity and an inflated sense of self-importance: Believing they are superior or special, expecting special treatment, and needing constant admiration.
Lack of Empathy: Difficulty understanding or sharing the feelings of others, leading to a lack of consideration for their needs.
Entitlement: Expecting favorable treatment and automatic compliance with their wishes.
Exploitative Behavior: Using or manipulating others to achieve their own goals.
Difficulty with Criticism: Reacting defensively or with anger when criticized.
Superficial Relationships: Relationships are often driven by a need for validation and may lack genuine intimacy.
More Subtle or Gendered Differences:
Manipulative Behavior: Using indirect strategies like gaslighting, emotional blackmail, or playing victim to control others.
Passive-Aggression: Expressing resentment or anger indirectly, rather than openly.
Leveraging Femininity: Presenting themselves as soft-spoken or vulnerable to gain control or sympathy.
Focus on Appearance and Status: Narcissistic women may be heavily focused on maintaining a high social status and appearing desirable.
Playing the "Mother Card": Exploiting societal expectations of mothers to gain advantage or control.
Important Considerations:
Misdiagnosis:
Female narcissism can be misdiagnosed due to a lack of awareness of subtle behaviors and societal expectations about women's roles.
Gendered Expressions:
Societal norms and gender roles can shape how narcissistic behaviors are expressed in women.
Hidden Vulnerability:
Some research suggests that narcissistic women may be more likely to present a vulnerable facade while still engaging in manipulative or controlling behaviors.

To those reading quietly, this is for you.

You may have noticed how quickly conversations shift here - from speaking about harm, to being interrogated or pathologised for speaking at all.

That’s not random. That’s what happens in systems where abuse is protected - focus is redirected, silence is rewarded, and whistleblowers are made to defend themselves instead of being listened to.

I’ve been speaking up about serious issues. Not for attention, not for drama, but because it matters. Because people were harmed, and in some cases traumatised for years. Because there’s been no accountability. Because silence helps no one but those in power.

If you’ve been reading this and feeling confused, silenced, or even retraumatised by the tone policing, spiritual guilt-tripping, or credibility tests dressed as questions - please know: you’re not imagining it. These tactics are real. They’re documented. And they’re part of how abusive systems defend themselves while looking “concerned.”

I’m not going to get dragged into side arguments or character debates. My focus is on the church, the abuse, and the cover-up. And on making space for those who were never allowed to speak.

If that’s you - you’re not alone. And you’re not crazy.

KirkbyFurby Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sexual abuse of children happened at this church.
> Much like the Church of England’s scandals, the
> leadership handled it “in house” and then covered
> it up. There has never been an admission of
> wrongdoing, no accountability for those who
> enabled or concealed these crimes, and no apology
> to the survivors who were blamed, shamed, and cast
> aside.
>
> The church continues to dismiss those who speak
> out as “bitter ex-members,” but bitterness has
> nothing to do with it. People are still living
> with the trauma of what happened, and the refusal
> to acknowledge the truth only deepens that harm.
> If the church had truly changed, there would be
> transparency, accountability, and a willingness to
> make amends. But there has been none of that.

I was there!