I didnot leave because of any one particular reason but for many things that I consider contradictions to LOVE for GOD.But I did have an intense experience that pushed me forward.That was with myself.I recently made a comment to a friend and she said"Wo when did you become a bigot??"It was like a huge light came upon me and I started reflecting on my behavior and the changes I have made(good and bad)Of coarse I went thru the"you not surrendering to God,its all you,your Karma,blablabla.But that is not true.I finally realized that when your hearing constant negativity about certain people from someone that you consider a great teacher,you follow his example(mindlessly i might add)going against your own inner convictions and knowing.Well God gave me a brain to use so Im using it now!!!I am very flustered and I feel foolish for buying into this shit for so long...
Before CB i was a kind and generous and particularly a non judgmental person as I believed that is the way to please God.I didnt even realize what a jerk i was becoming and sounding just like him when i would talk to myfamily outside of the group.
Thanks for posting foolishfear,
I can only echo what Guru Doubter and "Hoaxie" have already written. Don't beat yourself up. Life only gets better. Z told me he "was always waiting for the karmic shoe to drop". It never did. He tried to hold on to anything positive he learned and gleaned from the experience, but found life outside of the cult so much richer on all levels; spiritually, emotionally, and materially. (BTW, Z was never the troll certain individuals tried to make of him on this forum and I recommend his posts along with many others who were also vilified).
Without revealing personal information, I'd like to know more about how the cult is operating currently. Did you ever meet the fearless leader CB himself? How were you exposed to his teachings? How did you get involved? How did they pull you in?
After reading this forum and learning a bit about its history over the past 30-40 years, what changes have you seen, if any, with the cult? What is their current M.O. in your opinion? Is the cult dying out? Who will carry on the Butler sampradaya?
You are very lucky to have had a friend be so honest and blunt with you. "When did you become a bigot?" Often friends just back off and fade away as you spout the party line. Having a good family and friend network has helped a lot of people escape the CB matrix. Not everyone has that when they go in, so there is no one on the outside to help unplug them from the cult. One exer told me the story of how his family would mock him and CB when he'd come to visit. His brothers and father would wrap up in sheets and put on funny, anti-guru skits that pointed out the many hypocrisies. They created their own cult and manifesto and mantras. They called themselves the "Octavians". He says that their merciless teasing (out of love) was one of the keys that helped to liberate him from the cult. Dassi shared with me that one of her "aha" moments came when she ran into a graduate student from Berkeley who kindly spent an afternoon logically pointing out the fallacies in the philosophy. While he did not convince her to leave on the spot, his words slowly imprinted. The last thing he said to her was that she will eventually leave the cult. She did. Happily and with no regrets.