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cultaware
Hello cherenuff1,
What attracted you to this group?
thanks,
cultaware
I'll try to answer that without going through a lengthy background of myself so please bear with me. I had come to a place a long time ago that I disconnected myself from God. Either I felt He had abandoned me or I felt that He simply did not exist. Because of this, I fluttered about trying to find some purpose for myself. I recreated myself to adjust to the world, I lied constantly, not wanting anyone of anything to know me since I felt that the me at the time was not worth knowing.
Before I came to Trinity I was immersing myself in the Wiccan theology. I had read a book about Wicca, talked to several Wiccans and what drew me to them was a sense of community - not their beliefs. Remember, to me God was not there but I thought perhaps their 'goddess/mother earth/etc. would be there for me.
I thought that I would attend a Bible Study with a friend and once and for all see that all churches/groups, anything centered around God was a joke. I could then justify my actions by knowing that these supposed 'Christians' really didn't care.
What I saw in Trinity was something that ate at me. A community and true fellowship. It blew me away that these people actually knew their neighbors, cared a great deal about them and all this outside of a Sunday serman. Of course, I didn't trust this. I was actually scared of it. So...I lied about myself, trying to recreate myself for these people so that they would take pity on me and I wouldn't have to go. You see, I had always lied to protect...me. I figured, like all the other churches I had been to in the past that the real me would be...well not worth the getting to know. I figured that after some time, I would just flit away from this christian group like I had many others.
That's what attracted me. What made me stay was that though I lied about myself (which they didn't know about) they still accepted me. I saw them unconditionaly accept others. I saw them live in faith and it broke something inside of me. I wearied of my lies during the hotseats when others opened up. I wearied of my lies while all they did was extend friendship.
I finally broke down one day and told them of the lies, the manipulations that I created against them. Of course, they were hurt. Anyone would be, but they accepted me still. Letting me know that I didn't have to recreate myself anymore that I could just...BE. Just finally rest. This is when I finally found God again. This was when I found out that it wasn't Him that turned away from me but that I turned away from him.
For this...I am thankful. Could it have happened anywhere else. Sure...but it didn't...I happened at Trinity and they are my family.
As for Ole...well, he just never seemed to be an important part of my life in Trinity. I enjoyed/enjoy his 'cut tot he heart of the matter' sermans but I could never understand why others saw him as a 'larger than life' figure. He was/is just a man and to tell the truth, I didn't like him very much. It's funny...most of the ex-members are the ones that gave him to much credit. I guess I just saw..Trinity, the doctrine and fellowship and through them I saw God.
Doug knows about my background and about me. He was my Bible Study leader during that time.
**Whew** :D