I have stared into the abyss, and have seen his evil, have looked into his eyes, meditated on what must make him tick, and have emulated his warped ways.
The emotion, the raw anger, overtook me temporarily and in that am no better than DM. It is true; he just played me right into his hands.
God forgive me; I am disgusted with myself.
That statement says more about me than it does about DM. I am ashamed to have said it.
It is just that I find it all so depressing and enraging. I want to cry and scream out. It's the worst thing I could imagine. The worst thing I could imagine.
This DM is the deepest evil that I can conceive of.
DM is, I have realized, using me as well; he's using me and my zeal in order to further manipulate naive young minds. I have allowed him to get into my head and control me, without even being in his physical presence.
He's manipulating me from a distance and I am not even an ex-member, just some guy who met them once and left with an indelible impression marked on his soul.
DM laughing riotously when I looked him in the eyes and called him my nemesis, that memory haunts me. So disturbing to witness the man up close.
What have I done?!
I have developed an unhealthy and unbalanced preoccupation with the matter and have got to get away from it for a little while.
It is just that I cannot get away from it in my mind: if I am praying, I am thinking about the Jesus Christians. If I am eating lunch, I am thinking about the Jesus Christians. If I am taking a shower, I am thinking about the Jesus Christians. When I wake up and when I go to bed, I am thinking about the Jesus Christians.
I pray for and about them constantly, and commit the matter into the hands of The Almighty.
DM, in the end, will get what is coming to him whether we act or not.
Zeus, this is the first point from Zimbardo's resisting influences:1. Do not maintain an illusion of “personal invulnerability” – If it can happen to them, then it can happen to you too.
Welcome to a taste of what an ex member experiences. It should help you appreciate why some stay silent for years. Dave will try to use your own ideology and zeal to his own ends which then causes you feel guilty if you don't and guilty if you do.
Dave Mckay already has received what is coming to him. His own mother is estranged, his brother strongly disagree with him, his children, bar one want nothing to do with him. His grandchildren just about don't even know who he is. He is in the "outer darkness" he tries to put others in, and he did it all to himself. Practically everyone who has met him has strong criticisms to say regarding his actions and twisted teachings. He lives in a hellish existance of having to try and think of every angle so he can plot and scheme his way to get more attention for his cause. He despises those who follow him, abusing them verbally at every opportunity. He recently referred to Grace as just another "religious" person involved in a disagreement with Glenn. In Dave's world calling someone "religious" is the same as saying they are dead spiritually. He mocks Jose attempts to reason with him about how the fact that having a "FLAME" thread where he bans people to is unchristian.
Zeus, have a beer or two, or three. Watch a movie, read a sci fi book. Go fishing, Stop praying for them. Exercise letting them go from your thoughts. Buy a harley. It works for me.
Just for the record, I am not "Exodus" on the JC forum. Why would I give up a perfectly good avatar like hot stuff, especially after doing so many of those quizzes.
You can guarantee that Dave will seek to drag us before the courts if we print the book. One of his followers may end up taking a whipping as a result.
A little later on I will share some positive feelings and fun times I experienced while in the Jesus Christians. It is good to have a mind free enough to do so.