Re: Jack Hickman
Date: April 02, 2011 04:25AM
I don't know that I can add anything that hasn't been said. I think it depends on your relationship with your family members. The people who were there in 1982 and decided to stay were adults and had the right to make whatever decision they made for themselves and their families. At least one person I know of decided to stay to keep his family together. I don't know what he believes now or how that worked out for him. I agree with exfollower that "logic, questions, arguing, debate etc, is a dead end; and as others have said, they would be defensive and it would be probably be counterproductive." Their is no logic to this kind of blind belief, many of us have been there and believed in that way. There was certainly nothing my family could of said to me at the time that would have changed what I believed.
As disillusioned 1 says, "Keep reaching out. The more people someone has that are not involved that continue to be a positive influence on their life, the better for them." Being there for someone, when they start to have doubts and being able to listen without judging, or trying to convince them or push them may be helpful. No matter what you cannot control the outcome. So if you can let go of the idea that you are going to cause them to see or understand something they have missed and just be there as a friend and grow your relationship, you will both get something from that. So I would say being available and maintaining friendship with your family member and their children is important.
It sounds like you've been trying to find the right words or behavior that would change them for 30 years. I can only imagine how hard it is to watch loved ones in that situation.