Hi msanchez I hope you got my private message. Would you be able to tell us more about your experiences? Maybe what led you to leaving?
At that time I was living in venezuela, I became a member when I was 17 yrs old (the leader of this shoot-off was lakhsmi), went on to give classes and courses by the age of 18, I then went to the monastary and did the missionary course, got married, was consecrated as a priest and was sent off as a missionary through venezuela. My dad was living in USA and emailed me one day asking me if I could help him with his immigration paperwork, since I was born in the US and was a US citizen, I came to the US around 2004 and was assigned as a missionary in New Jersey, helping with the classes and what not. In 2008 I left the organization.
Since I started giving gnostic classes, I noticed that I, and many others, would leave things out because it was too complicated (read: contradictory), but I kept studying and giving classes. I noticed there were contradictions but always said to myself that it was me that wasn't comprehending it, that I need to study more, meditate more, practice more, etc. It wasn't until I was in the US where I had access to the internet 24/7 that I started reading stuff online. I became intrigued by the plagiarism case and was surprised to find out it was true, at first I thought it was BS or the famous "...no, no, you're taking it out of context, you're not understanding it..." reason, because they teach you that ANYTHING anybody says against the samael/gnosis is an ATTACK, it's not a valid intellectual argument, case or debate, for them it's an ATTACK, it's the forces of evil, the black lodge, attacking the master and his message. I didn't understand the whole thing until I started reading about logic, logical arguments, logical fallacies, then I saw through all samael's BS, it felt liberating to understand how one gets duped into accepting dogmas like samael's. It felt sooooo good, but then I felt depressed just thinking I had lost 12 yrs, no college education, no real world experience, no socializing experience, etc. I had missed out on so many things.
You see, in this cult they subtly tell you NOT to read anything else but samael's and lakhsmi's books, everything else is a waste of time. They don't tell you directly not to read other books, but when you ask or suggest that you are reading other books they say something like "have you reallly studied
samael's books? have you really comprehended
them? then why waste you time with external
books?". They slowly start indoctrinating you the "us vs them" mentality by calling everything/everybody else "externals", by subtly teaching you to look down on 'externals'. The members are mostly scientifically ignorant people, by that I mean people that were never interested in studying atoms, the universe, dimensions, medicine, deep math, etc, but they somehow feel the sense of being intellectualy competent through samael's doctrine/pseudo-science. That's why their member say some crazy things only because samael said it.
They also teach you that humanity has no future, by calling them 'quaternary' (spanish:cuaternario) which means these people don't have any chance whatsoever to do an 'internal job' or 'self-realization'. They also teach you that we are in the end times, because we're in the age of Kali Yuga or Iron Age. The teach that humanity is going to be destroyed and that if seriuosly do our internal job we would be part of the next race, the next golden age. According to samael we have been getting worse, as a civilization, as time passes, but if they read a little bit about world history they'll find out we're actually better off now then before, so that statement has no evidence in it, which makes it invalid.
They also teach you to eliminate yourself, by this I mean depersonalization/derealization, they teach you to eliminate your ego, your personality, to deny yourself, I find this is the biggest problem, you become something like a shell, like there's nobody inside this person, no self expression, the person becomes exactly as the next member. The movie 'The Invasion" comes to mind, just replace the alien virus with this cult message, once you're infected you just become 'another one'.
In my 12 yrs I never had a mind blowing astral experience (like sharing the same dream), never seen or heard anything magical, no ghosts, entities or anything, nothing absolutely. A gnostic will quickly reply to that with "...maybe you didn't practice enough, maybe you didn't REALLY practice..." their reasoning is that there has to be something wrong with me/practitioner, either I or the student did it wrong or I didn't REALLY practice/meditate/conjure/____________(insert anything here), It's never the message, the method, or samael, that's out of the question, it's impossible that samael gave the wrong practice or the wrong explanation or that maybe it's all BS. That is the way gnostic are taught to reason when samael's doctrine doesn't show results.
Another reason they think that way is because they are taught that 'reason' is bad, 'thinking' is bad, I can still hear them tell me "...you're putting too much thought into it..." "...you're reasoning too much..." "...stop thinking about it and comprehend it with you heart..." <==== LOL, I love that last line (sarcasm), this is the line they love to use when something doesn't make sense at all.
Before I decided to leave, I once was talking to my wife, who is still in this cult, about the plagiarism and her 1st answer was "are you going to believe that other guy?" I was just speechles, I didn't say anything else, it just got me thinking how brainwashed they are. A couple of months later I spoke to my wife's sister about the plagiarism and she said "are you going to belive that other guy?", I also spoke to another member of the cult and gave me the same respond, I was shocked how they all gave me the exact initial response, then I exploded and called him a moron and other unpleasent names. LOL
Oh! how did I ever become part of this?