Interestingly enough, we were going to marriage counselling before my husband started Landmark. I will get back to the reasons for that latter. We attended some counselling sessions on our own and then we went together. My husband was not against it at that time. We made an appointment for another session but as it turns out my cousin invited him to be her guest at the Forum on the same night. He chose to cancel our appointment and go to her "graduation" instead because she told him he would get more out of Forum than he ever would with marriage counselling.
I understand the importance of loving someone unconditionally. Marriage has to be balanced and this unconditional love must go both ways. We both have needs and we must both work together to ensure each others needs are taken care of - either for each other or by each of us. I don't expect my husbands to take care of my needs but I do expect him to be aware of them. And vice versa. Understanding that, I believe, creates a good foundation for a marriage.
Without getting into too much details, for the last few years, I have felt our marriage to be unbalanced. A good thing for us is that my husband was diagnosed a few months ago with ADHD. This helps explain some of the issues I have had with his inability to take action. Something which has contributed to making our relationship unbalanced. I have never believed in the 50/50 rule. I believe that the balance in a marriage will shift depending on many things. At one point, one partner may be responsible for 70% of the responsibilities but at another time, the other partner will be responsible for 80%. As long as you understand that you are there for each other and that you are aware of the needs of the other person, the balance will always even out.
Obviously, since I am writing this, I feel our marriage has been out of balance for many years. My husband went to Landmark to help him with this. Now all of a sudden, all of my feelings are "my racket." I'm not saying that all of the philosophies he has been taught are not good. I've been reading and working on much of these techniques myself over the years simply by reading books and taking out tapes from the library. I am a person who will look at different point-of-views, theories and beliefs and make my own judgement based on who I am (my integrity). I don't need to be locked up in a room for three days to figure this out.
I believe too many people in this day and age, wash their hands of their responsibilities and then whine that they are not getting anywhere. Too many people are not willing to work hard at anything anymore and we are teaching our children the same.
I could go on and on but this is not a therapy session! I have been loving and supporting of my husband. I do not depend on him to fulfill my needs. I do expect him to be a partner in our marriage and I do expect him to take charge of his life.
Landmark has affected him in a way that I cannot describe. Although, Landmark gives him the impression that they are providing him with the tools to create his own possibilities, in reality they have taken away his ability to work hard at it himself. They have created an environment that is unrealistic. He only feels good when he is with his Landmark friends. They understand him. I don't. They now know how to create their possibilities. I live in my "racket" and won't move forward. The only way my husband can continue to apply the techniques and create his posibilities is with support of people who "get it." According to him, I don't.
I get it. I get it that he has been sucked in to believing that Landmark has all the answers. And, maybe they do - as long as you keep forking over the bread.
"Sterling Guy" offers what is essentially the "mantra" of his group. That is, a relationship is the responsibility of the woman and she should essentially accept whatever her man does unconditionally.