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6. PERFECT YOUR PERSONAL FOUNDATION.WHEN BOUNDARIES ARE STRONG AND STANDARDS ARE HIGH, PROBLEMS DISAPPEAR.

Actually the higher a persons standards are in regards to others actions, thoughts etc, the more likely you are to have problems with people. If you lower your standards of what you believe people should be like, and have tolerance of others actions and thoughts, you will have less problems.

You will have more problems in life when you have very high standards and no tolerance.

I am not saying let everyone run all over you. Everyone definitely has to have boundaries and have certain standards of others. Just to not expect much from most people, and you won't get disapointed and have problems.

For example, lets say you have high standards for other drivers and no tolerance for their actions. hhhmmmm, this is the perfect stage for ROADRAGE.

For example, I was driving the other day with my child in the car with me. Something happened in front of me, I put on my blinker to change lanes, looked behind me, their was a truck, but still plenty of room so I moved over. When I put my blinker on the person behind me sped up so as not to have someone get in front of them, so when I moved over they had to slam on their brakes.

When I moved back over in the other lane this person sped up, started flipping me off, and tried to side ram my vehicle. My son was upset and scared. I had to jerk my wheel and almost go off the road to keep from getting hit. This person had no tolerance and high standards. All because I tried to change lanes and this person sped up to prevent it. All with a small child in the car screaming at this other person as he saw what happened.

If I had also had no tolerance and high standards I could have been someone to slam his vehicle back, or chace them down to "fight". As I have low expectations and high tolerance, I just put the situation down to "moronic behavior" and went on with my day mostly unaffected.

Zero tolerance, High standards, major problems, High tolerance, Lower standards, not as many problems.

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ginah

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6. PERFECT YOUR PERSONAL FOUNDATION.WHEN BOUNDARIES ARE STRONG AND STANDARDS ARE HIGH, PROBLEMS DISAPPEAR.

Actually the higher a persons standards are in regards to others actions, thoughts etc, the more likely you are to have problems with people. If you lower your standards of what you believe people should be like, and have tolerance of others actions and thoughts, you will have less problems.

You will have more problems in life when you have very high standards and no tolerance.

I am not saying let everyone run all over you. Everyone definitely has to have boundaries and have certain standards of others. Just to not expect much from most people, and you won't get disapointed and have problems.

For example, lets say you have high standards for other drivers and no tolerance for their actions. hhhmmmm, this is the perfect stage for ROADRAGE.

For example, I was driving the other day with my child in the car with me. Something happened in front of me, I put on my blinker to change lanes, looked behind me, their was a truck, but still plenty of room so I moved over. When I put my blinker on the person behind me sped up so as not to have someone get in front of them, so when I moved over they had to slam on their brakes.

When I moved back over in the other lane this person sped up, started flipping me off, and tried to side ram my vehicle. My son was upset and scared. I had to jerk my wheel and almost go off the road to keep from getting hit. This person had no tolerance and high standards. All because I tried to change lanes and this person sped up to prevent it. All with a small child in the car screaming at this other person as he saw what happened.

If I had also had no tolerance and high standards I could have been someone to slam his vehicle back, or chace them down to "fight". As I have low expectations and high tolerance, I just put the situation down to "moronic behavior" and went on with my day mostly unaffected.

Zero tolerance, High standards, major problems, High tolerance, Lower standards, not as many problems.

Notice however that zero tolerance of "bad things" and high standards might be a good thing. :)

And some, including myself, think that lowering standards is a negative, in any area.

Of course the question arises...what standards are important? Of what should I be tolerant? (or even if standards themselves matter at all, and if it is true that tolerance itself is a superior disposition.)

One of high standards might not enjoy the company of one of low standards. In dealing with cultists with high, though badly chosen, standards and of little tolerance for those outside the cult, certainly some disagreement is to be expected, especially when the recruiting starts. :)

Is this a problem for those outside the cult...their standards are too high and they have too little tolerance?

(ok it is a trick question. :) )

Regards,

Markus

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nutrino
Markus.... [b:608bb1daf9] there is something flat out wrong with your mind. [/b:608bb1daf9] There is a bizarre literalism to your thought patterns which is sometimes associated with brain injury. I suggest obtaining a psychometric work up to see if you can pinpoint the issue. Your personality structure is generally not one that is comfortable seeking therapy, however I think you would benefit greatly from professional help, assuming you can find a good fit between yourself and the psychologist or psychiatrist. Sometimes these rigidities are seen in head trauma, PTSD, undiagnosed micro stroke, or they may have resulted from traumatic or repressive childhood experiences. In any case, my opinion is that you need help and you would be wise to seek help. You aren't well. That's obvious.

There is nothing that is "flat out wrong with your (my) mind."

Thanks for the bold....btw.

And thanks for the further evidence that YOUR agenda does not match the intent of this board.

Go to AFL with your trash -that's alt.fan.landmark on your newsgroup reader if you have one or even know what a newsgroup is.

You've got a lot of learning to do....

MarkusWelch - PLEASE STOP.[/color:5982293ebd] If you and nutrino have something to say, then say it in a PM. Do we have to get the moderator involved?????

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anon0820
We are losing sight of what this message board is all about. I would like to research this site for more information, not to see bantering between the users.

Let's play nice, and let's stay focused on the subject matter without getting everyone's dander up. :shock: :roll:

I have often heard that LGAT's tell people that the judgment they are hearing from others is not a reflection on them. It is that person's interpretation of the criticism of how they see this person.

I thought it is a positive thing to hear feedback from someone you are close with. So, if I tell a person (one who attended an LGAT) that they are sending a message that they are being selfish or cold, then that is MY interpretation. The 'LGAT' person should not be affected???? :?:

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anon0820
I have often heard that LGAT's tell people that the judgment they are hearing from others is not a reflection on them. It is that person's interpretation of the criticism of how they see this person.

I thought it is a positive thing to hear feedback from someone you are close with. So, if I tell a person (one who attended an LGAT) that they are sending a message that they are being selfish or cold, then that is MY interpretation. The 'LGAT' person should not be affected???? :?:

Two things I think require mentioning/discussion:

1. Criticism of the LGAT is internalized by the members to mean it IS criticism of them.
2. Criticism is deflected by the members with the notion that everything is an interpretation, something that has been instilled by the group.

Those two work in conjunction. Thoughts?

(btw..I'm done..thanks)

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ginah

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3. ELIMINATE TOLERATIONS IN ALL THEIR FORMS. TOLERATIONS ARE THE BREEDING GROUND OF PROBLEMS.

Sorry, just have to say, TOLERANCE towards others in this world is what we need more of, not less of.

While I agree that we need more [b:c12fcac6a2]tolerance[/b:c12fcac6a2] in our lives, "a toleration" in a coaching or self-improvement context (like it is meant here) means something different than you may have guessed.

Here are examples of a few "tolerations" you might have in your life:

[list:c12fcac6a2]
a cluttered e-mail inbox
a disorganized filing system
a car that leaks oil
a computer that crashes often
a cell phone you can't figure out how to use
[/list:u:c12fcac6a2]

The theory is that each of these "tolerations" saps a tiny bit of your energy and having lots of these in your life can add up to major stress. Clients are encouraged to attack these one by one. As they do, they'll feel a sense of accomplishment and gain more confidence and energy to take on bigger projects that they seek to accomplish.

While I don't expect any disagreement about any of the above, "tolerations" may extend to other things such as:

[list:c12fcac6a2]
a job that you aren't happy with
a partner you aren't getting along with
family members you struggle to get along with
[/list:u:c12fcac6a2]

Like the ones in the first list, these "tolerations" also sap one's energy. No coach would be foolish to advise a client to quit their job, break off their relationship, or disown family members. These tolerations would be overcome by careful reflection about how one can improve their relationships in mutually beneficial ways.

[i:c12fcac6a2]What a world of difference a word makes.[/i:c12fcac6a2]

-Ken

Re Ken's post, am I back in the lgat?! We called them 'incompletes'. They drain our energy, just as you say.

Blah blah blah.

While not wholly untrue, life is certainly not so neat & tidy as lgats make it seem. Finish your incompletes and feel good. Simple formula, instant self confidence. NOT.

Life *itself* is an ongoing series of incompletes. And to compare a car leaking oil to a partner you're not getting along with is way off. A relationship that has problems is not an "incomplete". When lgat 'participants' attempt to apply this kind of mechanistic, reductionistic view to big issues in REAL life (messy, imperfect real life) relationships and lives are damaged or destroyed.

Lgats have a tricky way of reducing life to simple, b&w terms then offering simple, unuseable solution. The "solutions" cause new problems which lead the person back to the lgat for more UNUSEABLE "solutions".

skeptic

Ken - do you "teach" in an lgat, by any chance? You sound like my program leader.

Oh my gosh! You mean if I am having a relational conflict with another person?

I should look at myself? What I am bringing to the conflict?

But it is so much easier to see the other person as a negative, and thus its justifiable for me to remove myself from them. I am positive and can't be the problem.

Okay, okay. I got it...

The Secret, and LGAT logic and philosphy helps me to be a better person in relatiionships as I am a positive person incapable of being negative.

LOL... No wonder relational conflicts are not resolved by The Secret, and LGAT's out there.

Thanks for the clarification on this.

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Rswinters
I should [b:b3db1c48f6]not[/b:b3db1c48f6] look at myself? What I am bringing to the conflict?

[b:b3db1c48f6][/b:b3db1c48f6]