Last night was very disturbing. I started feeling quite ill - physically. My husband (who got suckered into "The Release Technique") had just been on the phone with his "releasing buddy". We were going to do some yard work together but I told my husband I was feeling really bad and I needed to lay down. "Give yourself some approval for wanting to lay down", he tells me. This is one is the RT cliches. I tried to tell him it's not that I want to lay down, it's that I have to lay down because I'm about to fall over. He got kind of angry and said "Okay, give yourself some approval for not wanting to lie down". This doesn't make any sense.
In the past, if I was sick, he would express concern, ask if he could do anything for me, give me a hug. Now I get nonsensical cliches instead of empathy.

I told him I needed his concern, not cliches. He got real angry at me for saying that. He showed me no compassion whatsoever. In the night, I was real sick and had to yell to him to bring me something to puke in because I wasn't sure I could get out of bed. He was so incredibly cold and unfeeling.

I am really scared by this. I was really sick and needing help and I felt totally alone. Is there any way to deal with this? Or do I just need to leave? This episode was very disturbing to me.

Dear Question Lady,

Sorry your husband is behaving not very compassionate towards you, especially when your not well....

It just wonders me if your husbands behavior stems from the release technique?
Or perhaps he had those tendencies before and it all just surfaces now?
Or you are more aware now?
In any case, cant you try to talk to him how the whole situation is making you feel?

Tippytoe:

Is it possible that you cannot find any fault with the program, and instead must always place blame on the participant?

Question lady, I feel for you. I don't have an answer for you as to whether there's a way to deal with it or if you need to leave. I can only commiserate with you, and also tell you that it's my observation and experience that lgats turn perfectly good human beings into disconnected, dehumanized, heart-LESS robots.

My sister went through the lgat just as I was about done with it. After she went through there were a few terrible events in my life and for over two years I watched in horror and disbelief at the way she treated me during one of the lowest times in my life. She coldy blamed me for my difficulties, she argued with me, rejected me. She was acting totally out of character, and it was more craziness on top of other craziness. She was always there for me when the chips were down. Not after the lagt. At one point I pleaded for her help. That was summer '04 and when that didn't work is when I reached my breaking point with her. I finally decided to stop trying to retain our lifelong relationship, the cost of doing so was killing me.

I have kept my distance from her for three years. About one month ago she made some serious attempts to rebuild the relationship anew. I don't trust her. For one, she cannot see what the lgat did to her and what it did to our relationship. She has a thousand other explanations for what happened. She says that she is no longer involved with the lgat and is into other things. However, she refuses to take a critical look at the info I send her, still blindly defending the lgat. She has no clue about the destructive effect of her lgat-induced behavior on me.

I think my mistake was trying to make it work way too long. When I finally gave up, after too much abuse, I might have gone past the point of no return. I don't know.

Funny, what Tippytoe says is my sister's alibi. My sister traces the problems we had post-lgat to our childhood! HAHAHAHA! Sorry, I ain't buying it. What a coincidence that after the lgat her personality changed, then things changed between us. She denies that the lgat had anything to do with what happened between us. It couldn't be more obvious. All our lives we worked things out, enjoyed each other, helped each other. How could that be, if [u:531ec575c5]childhood[/u:531ec575c5] is the problem? There was ONE variable: the lgat. It changed only everything.

I have also found that it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a logical, sane communication with her. It had it moments before the lgat, but she's off the chart now.

Tippytoe,

No, he was not like that before. As I said

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question lady
In the past, if I was sick, he would express concern, ask if he could do anything for me, give me a hug. Now I get nonsensical cliches instead of empathy.

The trouble is, I can't talk with him when he is "released" which is really dissociatted and disconected. I mean, I could talk, but he wouldn't connect with anything I am saying. And when that happens, it just hurts even more.

It is hard for me to understand why this group is so important to him. Despite the outrageous claims of Release Technique, most of his life is getting worse since he did their program, his finances, his health, his relationships have all gotten worse since RT.

Question Lady


I'm just read this book from Luise L. Hay, and other self help books ....
It always states that if you're not in peace with someone or something you should first look at yourself.
I dont know to much about the release technique so forgive me if I offended you. I guess missed the point

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question lady
Tippytoe,

No, he was not like that before. As I said

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question lady
In the past, if I was sick, he would express concern, ask if he could do anything for me, give me a hug. Now I get nonsensical cliches instead of empathy.

The trouble is, I can't talk with him when he is "released" which is really dissociatted and disconected. I mean, I could talk, but he wouldn't connect with anything I am saying. And when that happens, it just hurts even more.

It is hard for me to understand why this group is so important to him. Despite the outrageous claims of Release Technique, most of his life is getting worse since he did their program, his finances, his health, his relationships have all gotten worse since RT.

Somehow most of these cults or LGATs convince people that everything is a matter of choice, whether you have a disability, disease, accident, get fired, fall off a ladder, get rear-ended, come down with psoriasis, bonk your head, or get born to a lousy set of parents. It's their ~power~ thingie -- something they call "cause point" or some other similar term. I suspect this "choice" business gives some people the feeling of such grandiosity and elevation that they take to it like a drug. It doesn't make any sense but they start to believe that if you have a problem, you ~chose~ it. Why should they have sympathy for you if you chose to have this awful whatever problem it is you have. They also may come to believe that you manufacture these problems (rackets or whatever) to manipulate others. It's a sick, sick land these people live in. And one that makes it almost impossible to find any sympathy for THEM.


Ellen

I don't think people lack compassion more that they are trying to put the teachings they have learnt into practice and these teachings often overtake a persons natural compassion.

I know when I was very sick while working for landmark, the lack of compassion was astounding. I was constantly coached about who I was being. What is scarier is that at the start i believed it. I believed everything was about who I was being rather then this is a phsycial illness that requires medical assitance.

As it happens, once I finally sought and received the correct medical assistance everything was much better but it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I also remember a friend of mine who was diagnosed with cancer and was advised it was terminal and she received the same sort of treatment to the point where she stopped contact with anyone who made her feel bad. In her words, she didn't want to live what little life she had left putting up with the shit from those idiots.

Question lady good luck with your husband. it will take shock to make him realise what he is doing I would say.

Tippytoe... while somtimes it is appropriate to look at yourself when you are not at peace with something or someone... its not all the time.. I dislike self help books where their way is the only way. The reality is sometimes its right sometimes its wrong.

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Tippytoe
Question Lady


I'm just read this book from Luise L. Hay, and other self help books ....
It always states that if you're not in peace with someone or something you should first look at yourself.
I dont know to much about the release technique so forgive me if I offended you. I guess missed the point

You've missed a lot more than the point, Tippytoe. You've missed the whole rest of the picture. The rest that includes other people, circumstances beyond your control, limited experience, faulty perceptions, bad juju, the shortcomings of your friends and family, electro-magnetic fields, bad color combinations, and the evil intentions of the designers of certain "self-help" programs.

Sure, it's fine to examine yourself and you own contribution in a difficult or painful situation. And sometimes it is your fault and yours alone. But other times it has nothing to do with you, little to do with you, or exists despite all your attempts to prevent it. That's what these self-referential programs don't teach because if they did their whole philosophical house of cards would come tumbling down. Lots and lots of things are beyond your control and immune to your attempts. It takes something special to determine where your influence ends, something these groups are well practiced to disable in their followers: the ability to think critically.


Ellen