Quote
exImpact
I have a question for all of you regulars (and all of you silent observers): After leaving for good, did your activity with the trainings, more specifically with the TIT (now the Life Mastery Trainings) mess with your spirituality?)
I'm answering ex's question embarrassingly late, but I think it's a
very interesting one, so better late than never, I guess. I've surmised that a sudden change in one's spirituality is a very common side-effect from attending any of the trainings, regardless of the person's acceptance or rejection of Impact's ideas.
The person who was responsible for introducing impact to my friend (who in turn introduced it to me) was LDS before attending impact. She had returned from an LDS mission not too long before attending Quest and went through all the trainings through Lift-off. During, or shortly after completing the trainings she left the Mormon church, and is now primarily involved in new-age religious mediums (ie. tarot cards, quantum touch, iridology, etc.)
The friend who originally introduced me to Impact is also LDS (well, we are in Utah, right?) She dealt with the discrepancies between the LDS and Impatian doctrines by bending Impact's teachings to her LDS beliefs. When the doctrines finally grew so far apart that she could no longer reconcile them, she choose her LDS faith and cut off all ties with impact.
I grew up in the LDS faith, and was an active member most of my life. In the 2 years before attending Quest, I would call myself a "closet agnostic-leaning" Mormon. I noticed the differences between Impact and LDS teachings fairly quickly after quest was over, and was shocked to see how easily I had believed while in the training that they were compatible. I was even more stunned at the myriad of other ridiculous philosophies I had accepted while attending, and horrified at how their effective their mind control techniques really were as I witnessed people in my group wholly embrace Impact's dogma. I recalled them tearily "bearing testimony" about the truth behind all that impact had taught them, and how good it made them feel. They said they
knew it was true with complete conviction, yet I absolutely knew that what impact taught was dangerous, cultish, and wrong. These testmonies were eerily similar to the religious testimonies I had heard throughout my life as a Mormon. I had previously thought that a testimony bourn with such emotion and conviction only came from someone who was speaking real truth, and that they must have had the "spirit of God" burning in them to speak in such a way. I had also heard so many people say that they "knew" that impact's teachings were right because they could feel that it was true in their "hearts". Again, eerily similar to what LDS members' had say about their religion. As I researched about the various techniques impact used to get such a stranglehold over people's convictions, I noticed more similarities between these techniques and the ones that many spiritual organizations use. There were many more correlations and realizations that I came to, but you get the idea. Eventually I speculated that I didn't know anything about my religious beliefs, and that I had simply "gone through the motions". I had previously felt guilty if I began to question or explore my religion in depth. The social pressure from family to stay faithful was also a component. I had repeated mormon cliches, trite phrases, and "faith promoting" urban legends. I believed because I was
supposed to, because my parents did, because my husband did, because my friends did, etc. Essentially, I was a member of "the
cult of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints", instead of a church.
I deconstructed my beliefs one by one. I started reading religious-critical literature and now disregarded the guilt I felt when reading it. I no longer trusted my feelings or instincts to be a barometer of truth, because I had felt and seen how easy it was for feelings to mislead. I started reading and analyzing the Book of Mormon (I'd never actually read it from cover to cover.) I started asking other's how they came to believe in each of their respective religions. Most said that it "felt right or good" to them. I looked into scientific explanations for religious phenomena or assertions. I told myself that I would no longer take anyone else's word for it and I wanted to figure out what I believed for myself. (This also spread out to other things, as well. ie. politics, life philosophy, etc). I realized that the way I was raised had a lot to do with my previous ideas about religion.
Eventually, I started to pick out the ways in which religion, school, and other institutions taught or operated, were different from brainwashing or cults like impact. I found that even if a particular organization or belief was not a cult or cultish, that if someone were to treat it as a cult, they could still be brainwashed into it. Reality came back into focus. I would even say that reality came into a sharper focus than it had ever been to me before, because I was trying to free myself of my delusions. However, I still questioned the most fundamental tenets of religion: the existence of God. I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to answer that question, since I didn't trust my feelings. At this point I was an atheist-leaning agnostic.
I continued searching and reading, praying, analyzing. Eventually, I got an answer that I was satisfied with, and I have allowed spirituality and religion back into my life. Of course, my religiousosity is different than it was before. I still have many unanswered questions, questions that I will continue to ask, and hopefully, eventually find answers. I have had some beliefs or ideas that haven't held up through this re-evaluation of mine. I also have had some beliefs that have, and have picked up new ones along the way, as well. Although it is a bit scary to put my beliefs through such a test, I am glad that I did and do. I am no longer a sheep.
I must clarify, though, I, in
no way credit impact for the good things that have come out of my experience, just as I would never credit an abuser with any strengths gained from overcoming the experience of abuse. In reality, I learned and grew in
spite of impact.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/16/2008 03:08PM by army-of-me.