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damagedbyassociation
Hello all,
This has been a relief to me to read. Especially to ArmyofOne, thank you. I started the Impact trainings the same time you did, from what I've read about you. I couldn't stand one more second of what was going on when Justin incited a mob to throw out the man in the back of the room. I left.

Much to my disappointment, my wife stayed. Then she secretly signed up for the second brainwashing as well. It very nearly ruined our relationship, as she held her commitment to Impact as something more important than her commitment to our relationship. I think it is still hard for her to see how inherently damaging Impact is.

When I wanted out, I was threatened by one of the staff members - she told me that if I left, my wife might choose to leave also, and that I would be responsible for that (right), then she said that if I leave and she chooses to stay, that I'll be way behind her in learning and that will have a negative impact on our relationship (if she only knew how much further behind my wife would be, and how damaging THAT would be to our relationship). When I thanked her for her understanding, after she finally agreed to reimburse me (more on that at another time) for the reimbursable expenses (they get you either way, don't they?), she told me , "I didn't say I understood you." If there was any way to be more insulting and degrading, she didn't have the mental capacity to deliver it.

I waited patiently, but anxiously, for my wife to get through the first course, and was happy to have her home. She knew how strongly I felt about Impact, so she signed up to do the second course of the series without telling me and told the staff to use what money I would be reimbursed for, to go toward her (even more) expensive second round, for fear that I would be able to talk her out of it. She went.

Every day, and every night I called and left messages on her phone for her to please come home. It was all in vain. I went down on the second to the last day, and waited on the road with my kids, with a sign on our trailer that begged her to leave Impact and come home - when she finally came out, she wouldn't listen to me - she had been approached by some staff members before coming out and wanted to know why I was out there protesting. She had made up her mind (or Impact had made it up for her) and she said that to have integrity she needed to finish this course and that she would be home Saturday night. Our kids were crying because she wouldn't come home. I told her I couldn't stay in a relationship where something like this was so much more important to her than how we felt. The kids wanted to stay with her, and they all got out. My wife told me that it was fine if I left, that she would go on and have a bright, happy and fulfilling life with or without me, that I wouldn't hold her back anymore (and I have only one idea of where that notion came from, and it wasn't from any experience we've had in our relationship).

As upset as I was, I left the kids with her and drove away (I know, I'm an idiot for doing so). I never thought she would take our kids into the building, but she did. I figured she would call her nearby aunt to watch them for her. I spoke to my father-in-law by phone on the way home about what was happening and why I felt my marriage had come to a horrible end. He managed to say just the right things to me and told me to try to steady the boat when someone was rocking it.

I went back to pick up the kids, calling my wife's aunt first, to find that she did not have the kids. I went back to impact to get them. I walked in calmly, found the kids watching a movie and eating food that had been provide them, with a staff member. I told them to come along with me, that we were going home to wait it out for mom. The staff member stood up, got right in my face and told me that I wasn't going to take them anywhere and that we could go discuss this politely (- right). I told him that that wasn't necessary - that we were just going to leave. He told me he was going to call the police if I attempted to take my kids. I grabbed my two youngest by the hand and began to walk away as quickly as we could. In the parking lot, several staff members ran out and started blocking my two older kids that were behind me from coming to me, as I frantically pleaded with them to quickly get off of the property and come home. Hans (according to my oldest child) was in the parking lot and was yelling at my kids that they shouldn't go with me saying things like "Can't you see how sick he is? You're not safe going with him; you can't go with him." It caused my kids to start to cry, and one of them was so confused on the parking lot, standing behind a wall of people, who kept persuading him, as well as the rest to stay. He finally started walking toward me as I got in touch with the Salt Lake County Sheriff's office.

I told the deputy what was going on (my side of the story), and how it was their intention to call and report me for kidnapping and trespassing (and disturbing the peace, as the deputy put it later, sort of chuckling about how that would never have happened if they hadn't been idiots (my words - when I was begging for my kids to get off of their property and come with my whole soul) and that they certainly weren't going to charge me with anything - they (the Sheriff's office and the deputy calling me later on my phone) just wanted to know that my kids were OK.

What kind of an organization would do that to a family? To small kids? To a relationship that was on the rocks? Hans (according to my oldest kid) was yelling at me in the parking lot, telling me how he couldn't understand how my wife would put up with me for the 16 years we've been married, and that I was holding her down and keeping her from being happy. I was shocked beyond belief that anyone claiming any sense of an ability to be helpful to others would have the audacity to say something so hurtful and spiteful after hearing only small portions of one side of a story. It only gave me more evidence that whatever my wife was caught up in was worse than even I had imagined.

The day I went down to wait for my wife was after reading the email that ArmyOfOne had sent to everyone that had gone through Quest with her. She had been to this site by then, and I found it after doing my own searching for Impact and cults. I'm glad I got out when I did. I wish my wife would have followed her gut feelings about it, too, but unfortunately, she was more committed to her friend that had told us about and encouraged us to get into Impact, than she was to her REAL integrity (it's funny how they change that word to mean commitment to Impact).

We're now in counseling - as a very direct result of the negative impact of Impact - that ought to be their name - Negative Impact. I wish there was a way to shut them down. I wish there was a way to tell every single person going in what it really holds in store for them.

Here's to healing damaged hearts and minds and relationships because of an ugly thing called Impact Trainings, and thank-you all - I feel I have a support group to go to.

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formerimpactgrad
Rswinters,

I'm sorry all of that is happening to you. My marriage was an Impact casualty. As were three other marriages right around the time that I left the group.

My marriage may have ended eventually anyway, I guess there's no way to know for sure, but Impact certainly made things much more painful, arduous and dramatic.

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formerimpactgrad
I guess it is also of note that prior to the Impact Trainings I was a very devout member of the LDS church. I no longer believe many of things that I believed at that time and I have not been involved with the church since I was in the TIT series. I didn't believe much of what was being taught at Impact (I have disclosed my reasons for attending TIT in prior posts) and I was, and still am in many ways, completely unreceptive to anything spiritual, both TIT and otherwise.

The idea of relying on anything other than logic, reasoning and observation to determine truth is completely foreign to me. While I have recovered in many ways from my Impact experience, I don't see how I could ever be remotely religious ever again.

Please don't take this post as an attack on religion (because it isn't) I'm just pointing out that the spark drove me to seek after spiritual things has been completely extinguished. While I think I have recovered in many ways, I know for certain that I will never be the same. I guess I could only see so much twisted, dogmatic theology used to manipulate and abuse people before I shut that part of me down entirely.

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damagedbyassociation
Hello all,
This has been a relief to me to read. Especially to ArmyofOne, thank you. I started the Impact trainings the same time you did, from what I've read about you. I couldn't stand one more second of what was going on when Justin incited a mob to throw out the man in the back of the room. I left.