Re: Has Anyone Ever Heard of Radiant Life Church in Sacramento
Date: August 15, 2008 10:26AM
[[i]quote kevinreta]Whatajoke you are forgiven. seriously i would rather you say how you feel then have to hold anthything in. I have nothing against you and actually i am curious who you are maybe one day you'll let me know. And I was serious about my apology and I have learned what it means to pay restitution and I actually enjoy trying to straighten out any mess i have made. I also think you should change your name to brave warrior or something tough because for you to share how you really feel takes balls and i commend you for that! I'm learning how to start to share what i really think and feel then to hold everything in. I did that for so long! and i will never go back to that. So as far as you and i go even if you did'nt like me, I respect what you have to say because it's how YOU feel and how you feel is important to me as well as everyone else.
thank you everyone else for your support[/i]
Actually, KevinReta............ I like you very much. I even love ya bro. You will understand soon. I have been through the same mess as you but as a very less significant person or authority at RLC. I experienced it from the peons level. I guess I am so afraid to reveal my name because I think that because I was an insignificant person at RLC, my testimony will be discounted. But I can tell you I felt it and experienced as much as anyone here. I started out blaming everyone but Tony. I blamed the people that discipled me, people who were in authority over me in ministry, SOMA, SOMA people, everyone but Tony, the pastors, and the elders. I had to really step back to see things and I realized that everyone had a hand in perpetuating this but when examining Tony and his teachings it really did fall from him. A very rigid, control oriented, and nasty culture was created. Things definately became cultlike. Immaturity reigned while Tony continued to manipulate and spiritually abuse the flock. I started to see in SOMA alot of personal agenda in his teaching. I saw a huge amount of blame shifting and public embarrassment and humiliation in his teachings. I had to look back to examine this. The problem with me was at the time I did not know who the teaching was for or the reason why but looking back I now know that they were intended for certain things that happenned or in regards to certain ministries and people. Blameshifting instead of godly instruction and correction. Public humiliation instead of godly instruction and correction. Too much ego and contol issues on the part of Tony.
I have spoken out at times about people like Ryan, you Kevin, Paul Childs, Brandon, Michael R, Dennis Ott, Joe L, Love, and I don't know who else, but looking back at some point I realized that all of you all are victims also. Ryan and Matt did a good job to come on here and share their experiences. While I thought I was alone, and the leaders at RLC had no clue I was wrong. While I was hurting some of those same people in leadership that actually put on a very good front were hurting also. I can tell you this. I loved God with all my heart, all my mind, and all my soul at one time. I long to experience that again in a very real way. I have made great progress especially in the last month or so since Ryan and Matt came on. For that I am grateful and I am sure god is grateful. I am injured and crippled but am trying to drag myself to walk again. I have had some very private moments of crying and tears trying to sort it all out and get back on my feet again. Me and my family have made it back to church a couple of times this last month and it has been good. I believe I can be a powerful instrument for God some day but feel dragged down at times by this Christian World that seems twisted at times. I cry and really wish that Tony, Brandon, the pastoral staff, and the elders understand and see what has happenned. I really don't want bad to happen to them. That is not my purpose. A matter a fact I believe I am capable of loving them. If you guys are reading this I can tell you i am further in my healing and forgiveness than ever. I believe I love you guys more today than I did yesterday and am capable of loving you more tommorrow than I did today despite what I have gone through. I just want you guys to see what has happenned and genuinely change so that there are no more casualties. Repentance and apologies are in order and really not the type we were programmed into at RLC. You see it was always taught to me that Repentance does not require tears and a big ordeal.......... but that is with jesus. People are different. When they are injured or lost they need nurturing. Wounds need to be cleaned to heal and not get infected, bandages need to be changed. medicine given for the pain. "You are forgiven" in some instance may satisfy your guilt but words are easy to blurt out especially in a robotic way. It is harder to show the forgivness and more appropriately act the forgiveness when it comes to humans. And I can tell you I am one who has gone the route of being apologized to in the robotic way and given the robotic response of You are forgiven. But you know I walked away feeling that was hollow and nothing changed. Remember it is the lost or strayed sheep that Jesus would be looking for. He wouldn't be at church on Sunday at RLC or anywhere for that matter but looking for those that got lost or strayed along the way.
You might wonder that if I was so insignificant while at RLC why am I still on here carrying on? Well I guess I can just tell you that it is my nature. I guess when I see something that is grossly wrong in my own funny way I want to fix it. When I think about other people out there that had the same experiences and feeling as me i want to do something in my own way. I think in a funny driven way I want to keep others from going down the same path as looks definately are deceiving at RLC. Tony, Brandon, and all the rest. I don't know you guys too well but feel for you and am beginning to love you through all of this. In some way you are all injured. Tony included.
Jesus help me.
Much Love and Peace Out
WAJ.............BraveWarrior
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2008 10:34AM by whatajoke.