my friend john pool who is the associate pastor at praise chapel kingman arizona, bragged to me that he makes eighty thousand plus expenses per year at the kingman pc for 20 or so hours a week. You do the math, i thought pastoring was about the call of profession and not possession. then he biches he has to deal with people, and all along living the lie of denial and omission. He has been my friend for over thirty years, but I had to cut him loose because he belongs to the system of a cult and will not admit it. It is all about dollars, Jesus is the end of the deal, first your money, your time and your talent, then they cut you loose and deny all accountability. I challenge john right now to get on this site and defend his fellowship. John your pastor has been married three times and divorced once yet he remains senior pastor and you continue to submit to him. You told me yourself that the voice of howard pennington sounds just like the voice of Jesus to you, so defend yourself here, right now.

I watched your pastor howard pennington slam a developmentally disabled boy named arnold up against a wall right after a morning service. defend yourself my friend, and tell me all about the love of Jesus.

You are a bunch of cowardly sheep going baah, and following orders, same thing the nazis said, so defend yourself my friend, cause right now you look like a cult leader.

jeff watkins

These statements are all so true. I came into the fellowship when I was 18 and I was blinded by all the attention I got from the pastors and how they really seemed to genuinely care about my well being. I explained my background to them so quickly and then they played on it and took advantage of the lack of wisdom I had about the world and about Praise Chapel. I quickly became a "servant" in their church so eager to want to please these people who were my "spiritual parents", parents that I always wanted, but never had. Sadly, the more i became involved the more I lost my identity. I started dressing like the pastors wife, talking like her wanting to be just like her. The worst part is that it was encouraged in the fellowship to be a mirror image of the one that was discipiling you. I no longer existed or lived for myself it was all about the church all about the ministry. They pushed knowing the history of the church and passing it along to the new members of the church. My pastors were like business people. Mind you my church was a very small church on a good sunday there would be 12 people in church. The pastors were trying to sell the church to the people. A lot of times they would correct me about the smallest of things like it was my fault that the church was not growing. In the end I remember them telling me that I did not like children and that I was to hard on them. This lie devastated me. I had went to school for teaching yes granted I was worn out from being in the classroom constantly while the pastors were in the front selling the church. They were mad at me because I would not show their children favoritism over the other kids in the class and not let them do what ever they wanted. To this day that lie haunts me as much as i try to push it out of my head it is constantly coming back in my head. I am now at a healthy church I volunteered for helping in the vacation bible study for the kids. I did not know I was going to be asked to teach. As I prepare my lessons my mind is constantly being reminded of that lie about me not liking children. I am praying that God would give me the strength and help me not to allow all the LIES that were taught to me and said about me at praise chapel to effect ministering to the children this summer.

Praise chapel preys on the youth. They use them abuse them and then get rid of them never to be remembered again. The ones that stay are usually the ones that have grown up in the fellowship they aspire to be young pastors and pastors wives but little do they know that the picture that they are envisioning is a lie and the life they are living is a lie and the friends they think they have are not going to be their friends if they leave the fellowship. I wish there was something that can be done to bring awareness to people out there about letting others dictate how you should dress, who you can to talk to, what music you should listen to,the right way to worship God, even down to how you should pick the right person to marry. I see a lot of young people getting married in the fellowship little do they know that the honeymoon is not going to last forever they are going to have to choose between their spouse or their church. And when that happens life is going to take a turn for the worst.

I have to laugh. All over the internet it still says that praise chapel split from potter's house. Is it truly a split if the only thing that changes is who gets all the money? Is it truly a split if the doctrine, giving and ministry is still the same as when they were affiliated? With the exception of women being allowed to be pastors and the congregation can own a TV. I don't think so.

The reason praise chapel has allowed women to become pastors is purely for financial reasons. Prior to pastor Mike Neville dying praise chapel did not believe in women pastors at all. It only happened because he was concerned for his families support and didn't want his family to lose their position of power. So Donna Neville became the senior pastor. Now praise chapel does have a few more women pastors now but not many - they were business decisions. It was either due to the pastor becoming ill and then his wife is secretly given the title of senior pastor or a pastor committed adultery but his church was financially successful and the wife had a great ability getting donations so that she was made pastor.

There is nothing spiritual or scriptural about it.

My ex-husband got saved in praise chapel when he was sixteen; i was eighteen when i got saved. we basically grew up together and then a few years later we got married. Alot of pressure was put on us to get married by pastor mike and donna neville. I wanted to elope because i felt that it was becoming a big production but they insisted we get married at a Sunday night church service. The church was packed even the balcony was filled to capacity. After the wedding pastor mike neville's parents prophesied over us and told us that we were going to do mighty things for God and such; then we had to sit through the rest of a regular church service and altar call - I was exhausted. It was indeed a huge production. The very thing I wanted to avoid.

I remember at every wedding pastor mike neville would say that we need to support and nuture these young couples; help every way we can. See the life's blood of pc is couples who can be sent out to pioneer and every couple was seen as a potential baby church. But before you can pastor a church you have to have a bible study or sheepfold first. Now a bible study should always be called a sheepfold because it certainly isn't a bible study. I had been to a baptist church when i was a kid and when they said bible study - we sat in a small study group and studied and had an open discussion about the bible.

Not so in sheepfold - all it is is a minnie church service - the sheepfold leader is the covering of the all the members of the group. Headship provided the lesson plans; there is an offering taken at every sheepfold (of course). So all couples were required to take a sheepfold. Well, 3wks after we were married we were pressured to take a sheepfold but we turned it down feeling that we need to time to grow in our marriage before we take on the responsibility of group of people that we were supposed to discipling.

Well when we turned down the pastor who was overseeing all the sheepfolds he wasn't very happy about it but didn't say too much at the time. But shortly thereafter I noticed that the other sheepfold leaders and some of the pastors were not treating us a cordial as the had used to. The pastor we turned down would glare at us then ignore us. Some people even started ignoring us. I remember we told pastor and sister neville what was going on and they insisted that we were misunderstanding and possibly being too sensitive. After that the sheepfold pastor did seem to be a little bit more cordial but not by much. A few months passed and we tried to put it behind us.

One night we answered an altar call and that same pastor prayed over us and the prophesied over us saying how we were called to the ministry and had a special annointing. Shortly after that we went to him to talk to him about the prayer and the prophesy thinking that we had a breakthrough with him and maybe we could move on from the past.
He then started to address us with an angry voice and said that just because i prophesied over you doesn't mean you ready for a sheepfold now and just walked away.

After that, we would see him and sometimes he was ok and other times he was rude and the other sheepfold leaders pretty much ignored us altogether. We were basically blacklisted in the church that we basically grew up in. Those pastors and leaders that were giving us a hard time we had for several years and new their entire families. Well I can tell that support that pastor neville said that the church need to provide it was conditional. You had to do what was expected of you or be ostracized. For my ex-husband and I this was indeed a devasting blow - we were newly weds and had alienated our blood relatives because of our spending so much of our time at church.

This is just one of the reasons why we stopped attending church there was/is so much more i could say but its still too painful and i would be here all night.

Well come to find out about a year later that that pastor that originally started giving us a hard time was molesting his granddaughter. And his youngest son walked in on him. Now we all know that someone doesn't all of a sudden become a child molester so Lord only knows how long this had been going on. I called the LA county jail and he was indeed arrested for lude and laschivious conduct with a minor under the age of 14. He turned himself in and did prison time.

His wife who was supposed to be this incredible anointed prayer warrior that could discern all things who had been married to him for almost 30years had no idea. I remember one time she had even told me that she could read my mind and that she knew i was struggling and that I need to surrender to the Will of God. Too bad she couldn't see what was going on in her own home.

Now i struggled with this post but i feel its necessary to address what happened and continues to happen when you have leadership who as long as they are towing the line and controlling everyone they neglect their own spiritual lives and families. But their own homes and hearts are dark. I know this is an extreme case but I have many more. As long as the perform what is required they have no accountability to anyone.

I remember that pastor Mike Neville had a standard response to people who said they were considering leaving - he said it directly to me and I heard it from others that I spoke to that he said the same thing to them: "This church made you who and what you are - why would you leave? You wouldn't be anything without this church?" But he would say it softly and you were already intimidated because you were talking to the almighty head of the fellowship-so you really didn't get it till later - he was letting you know exactly what he thought of you and all the little people who made up the congregations. We were nothing put clay to be molded and shaped by him and his organization. We were graciously given an identity - they were doing us a favor. Because what did we have on our own to begin with? Before we went there? Apparently nothing.

But oh were they willing to take our hours of free labor and our little bit of money and use our testimonies as shining trophies to recruit more poor lost souls that didn't have anything either.

His favorite recommended reading for all leaders - was Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. I always though this was odd because in my naivete I didn't think it sounded very spiritual - it sounded more like a business tactic. But I figured this was pastor mike he must know what he is doing.

Oh and our wedding that we had in front of the church to packed house on Sunday night with all these people coming up and congratulating us - well that promptly disappeared as soon as we decided to focus on our marriage and not follow the program that was laid out before us to follow by the fellowship. My husband lost his job shortly after we were married and it was as if we became invisible.

There was a beautiful young couple with two small children who were sent out to pioneer a baby church. They were gone for a couple of years. On a single retreat I attended the young wife came and preached to the women. She told us the story of how she found her long lost father and how happy she was. But I noticed she was extremely hyper and loud and it almost seemed like she was on something. It was way over the top and a little strange. I just filed it away not knowing if I was right or just making assumptions. Well a few months later we all find out that she left her husband for her newly found biological father. They had been having an affair. When her husband found out he tried to kill her father and was sent to prison for several years for attempted murder. The wife completely lost her mind and her children. THIS IS/WAS A TRAGEDY.

Well I remember sitting on pastor Donna Neville's couch in her perfectly decorated living room across from her baby grand piano telling her how this tragedy really upset me and how sad it was. I will never forget her response: "Well, we always knew (name) had serious emotional problems." I sat there in complete awe. But because I was in the presence of the almighty donna neville I didn't say what was going through my mind. Mind you I was only in my very early twenties and owed my very existence to these people. I was thinking "Then why would you send this couple out to pioneer a baby church if you ever thought the wife was unstable?" It seemed to me that was the true beginning of the end for these people. They were in their twenties, not married very long, with two small children and giving up everything thing they know to go somewhere and do something they were obviously not equipped to do. The pressure would have been too great for them even under any circumstances.

This couple was extremely actractive, charismatic and had a very large sheepfold. People were drawn to them. I had always heard how the women were jealous of the wife because she was so pretty. The husband was also extremely good looking and dynamic. I believe they were sent out because of a play that was taken straight out of the Wayman Mitchell handbook. If you have a couple with all of these attributes attracting people to them hurry up and get them sent out because established headship by no means needs the competition. Let them be who they are on their own and if all go wells they can replicate this somewhere else and become another lucrative franchise far from the mothership but still paying tribute. Its classic pc/cfm/ph blueprint.

Always send the best so there can never be a mutiny when people start to wake up or decide they want someone else. All it is/was is a management tactic.

But peoples lives are/have been destroyed. These couples and families are pawns/sacrifices to the machine that is the fellowship money making endeavor. Its tantamount to feeding wood to a wood chipper. Its all about he leaders at the top maintaining their elaborate lifestyles that have grown addicted to. They must maintain the illusion of god's chosen anointed elite who are so blessed because they do what god has called them to do.

Well, in my humble opinion its just one Gigantic CON thats been allowed to continue for 35years. Woe unto them.

Back in the day when I was young and an overzealous new convert I thought nothing of putting in 40plus hours a week at church on top of the 40plus hr a week secular job I also had. Being an usherette, sunday school teacher, drama team, sheepfold, prayer meeting and then you just had to fellowship. I was at church ever week night and almost all day on Saturday and Sunday. We took our vacations from work when Conference came around so we could work the Conference the entire week. Plus tithed and gave pledges the whole time and gave bigger pledges at conference for new works that were always being announced. I did this for years. So did many others.

I look back now and I am still in awe how much time and money I gave these people. So did many others. Also we would fast and pray all the time for whatever was announced. It never stopped. I even cleaned the church. There was nothing I wouldn't do for the call of God and the Vision. It never occurred to me that I could have gone to college or investing in my own life. Jesus was coming back at any second and we had to labor in the harvest field, pioneer baby churches and/or be missionaries. Well that was 25yrs ago - many of the those people that I labored with are not all there any more. If you look at the percentage of the people still around in the fellowship from back then compared to the new ones - there are not many left. Why?

Because we finally figured it out. Not only were doing all of this for free - we actually paying them to let us do it. Now I am not saying I am not responsible for allowing this to happen. What I am saying is that these people were representing the Gospel; using God's word for financial gain and living lifestyle that did not match any in there own congregations (the leadership at the top of the pyramid). Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. When you see people trusting you like this and working for you like this because of the message you put forth to them - shouldn't you feel some kind of responsibility to have guidelines in place so they won't be taken advantage of?

Severaly earmarks of a cult are in affect here. Keep members so busy and isolated they live in vacuum and don't question whats going on; it also alienates them from friends and family that don't agree with what they are doing. Dietary restrictions - we fasted all the time. Financial control - they kept track of our giving - if you weren't giving enough you could be in ministry. Confession - we were trained from the second we walked on to confession everything to headship (to be used against us when the felt we were being out of line). We had to be under headship/a covering that we always had to consult before making any decisions. Shunning people who leave - I have heard it from pastor mike, pastor donna, pastor larry neville and several other fellowship pastors if you leave this church you are not a christian, or you are missing the will of god for you life or you are backslidden.

Now leadership will say everything is voluntary and its whatever god put in your heart to do but when you are young and your entire identity is wrapped up in something its very hard to break away. If start asking questions or have limitations to what you want to do they subtlely start to ostracize you and then they will pray for you and prophesy over you that you are fighting the will of god for your life. One minute they will ignore you and then the next they will come up to you with fake concern and ask you whats wrong because you don't look so good. I could go on and on.

If you have someone going to this church and you see all these classic signs - follow the guidelines on this site. This church is a cult. Tread caustiously and don't attack the cult because the cult has put in place an answer for everything that you can throw at them. They are experts in the art of using the Gospel as an instrument of deception. Most of them really believe that this is the true Gospel thats why they are so effective and believable. If you have a teenager and they haven't been there long do whatever you can to get them out - they zero in on the youth. Also, couples in crisis.

They always need new recruits. People are a commodity. Your money, time and identity are very valuable to them. They are counting on you not valuing yourself; not knowing who you are. Know that the true Gospel is about how valuable you are the Lord and He would never take advantage of you. He gave us wisdom and a choice. For several years so many red flags went up and I would ignore them. Don't ignore them. Listen to them.

I just found this and it perfectly describes praise chapel's vision and mentality - its exactly the same as potters house.


--- In Escape_from_the_Fellowship@yahoogroups.com, "naboth675" <naboth675@...> wrote:
>
> --- In slamthedoor_on_the_pottershouse@yahoogroups.com, "naboth675"
> naboth675@y... wrote:
>
>
> Why People Stay - Revival is Coming.
>
> LIFE at a fellowship church can be understood as one long search
> for 'revival'. This is what the whole movement seems to be set on
> achieving. Much of what we were exposed to in it's preaching was to
> mentaly prepare us for revival. It was designed to get us
> to 'believe for revival'. We were told repeatedly in no uncertain
> terms that revival only came to those who were...1/ believing for
> it. 2/praying for it. 3/ witnessing for it.
>
> Every pioneer church is planted into a city as God's answer for the
> city's spiritual need. Other churches in that city are hardly ever
> mentioned except in a negative sense. You really get the impression
> that the Potters House church you are in IS THE ONLY HOPE FOR
> SALVATION FOR THAT HELL BOUND CITY. Everything is explained
> according to divine appointment. Scriptures are used to emphasise
> that the time is coming and now is when God will pour out his Spirit
> on all flesh {Providing it is pentecostal flesh and that flesh is
> being faithful to the pattern as laid down by Prescott}. Further
> emphasis is put on the idea that the return of Christ is extremely
> close and we are running out of time. We are part of the great last
> days harvest. One more big push and that will be it. This is our
> last chance so there is no time to waste. Better gte your seat belts
> on because this is going to be one 'helluva' ride on the waves of
> revival. God's going to do something the world has never seen the
> likes of before.
>
> You can see why a person doesn't want to leave. If they leave they
> may miss this great revival. The trouble is that when you are in for
> a significant period of time you begin to wonder where on earth this
> supposed revival is. They have a strategy for this. There is a time
> and a season and you don't know when exactly that is but you are
> told to keep witnessing because at some point there is going to be a
> breakthrough. Trumpet reports monthly testify of other fellowship
> churches who have experienced that elusive 'breakthrough' your
> church is looking for. You hear about them at conference as well to
> a chorus of applause and cheers. It is hard not to be swept up in
> the excitement of it all.
>
> The problem is that these reports are often misleading and usually
> deliberately so. You don't realise the awful pressure put on these
> pastors to get results. They are desperate for something to say at
> conference. They can hardly get up on the stage and report that
> nothing much happened can they. Especially given the hugely
> expectant atmosphere and the hype of the last conference where we
> were promised 'revival is around the corner'. The pastor is expected
> to justify his position just as the sales employee has to at his
> annual performance review. Thus we get reports of 40 people saved at
> a concert, 35 visitors to a revival and people coming into the
> church every other service. What you are not told is that none of
> the so called conversions at the concert resulted in any more people
> coming to church, almost all of the 35 visitors at the revival were
> from several neighbouring Potters House churches who are obliged to
> lend their support to such events and the visitors to almost every
> service are not staying. The church may be at exactly the same
> number as it was two years ago.
>
> Have you ever noticed how not every church gives a report at
> conference. Reports are selected and struggling pastors may have to
> wait to give a report having been passed over for another man who
> can at least boast of getting 20 out to a concert even if nobody got
> locked into the church. If he can testify of a visitor getting
> healed in a service then that is a good report. Trust me on this
> one. I've been on countless impact teams and time and again the
> reality in the church is different to the report on the stage. In
> fact I've been to churches which are supposed to be inundated with
> new converts and we were the only ones on the streets. Several times
> I have heard the question, where is the church we are doing this
> impact team for? The truth is that they are a tiny band of people
> who despite tha fact that we have travelled nearly a hundred miles
> to witness for their church could not even get out of bed and walk
> down the road to give out leaflets. That's the reality on the
> streets. I've even heard complaints coming from memebrs of the
> Walthamstow impact teams asking where all the converts have gone
> that they won on their previous impact teams. {Some of these guys
> werereferencing back to converts prayed with over five years of
> impact teams. No wonder they asked why they saw no new faces in the
> church!}
>
> Ask yourself a simple question. Count up how many impact teams you
> have been on over the years and how many people you have prayed
> with. Now how many of those people are still in those churches
> today? Can you see now how the victory report your impact team
> leader gives on sunday and the reality are a world apart?
>
> Prophecy is also used. How many of those prophecies have come to
> pass? They will always play for time so you are left thinking if I
> leave now I may miss it. I have heard so many sermons where
> illustrations are given where a man gave up just before the water
> came out of the pipe or gave up and died in the desert when an oasis
> was just over the next hill. 'Revival is round the corner' is a
> classic hook. It is the same mentality as a skiver who is always
> begging you for money and telling you that he is waiting for an
> insurance payment to come through with the promise that he will see
> you right. The truth is that he is a jobless bozo who would rather
> scrounge than work and as long as there are suckers like you around
> he sees no reason why he should change.
>
> That's a good picture of some fellowship pastors. They live off the
> backs of their congregations pushing them for more and more money
> telling them that if they will give then THIS time it will release
> revival into their lives. HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO FALL FOR
> THAT. One more time, then one more time and again one more time.
> It's always one more time. The truth is that you have invested so
> much that you feel you can't turn back now. In your mind it would
> hurt you more to cut your losses and move on. In reality if you
> don't move on now you will lose a whole lot more with nothing to
> show for it. Face it, your being fleeced.
>
> Have you noticed how revival is linked to your giving? As long as
> there is no revival you have to give more to get revival and as long
> as you give more the pastor will pull the same stunt to get money.
> Why? Because it works. If a beggar says give me money for drink and
> you say no and then he says give me money for ciggarettes and the
> person says no then he says I need money to feed my wife and three
> kids and you hand it over guess what he's going to say next time?
> He's going to use what works. Your pastor is no different. Revival
> and the promise of it is a great way to get money. As long as that
> carrot is dangled just out of reach you can get the most stubborn of
> donkeys to trot along for miles while the rider sits comfortably on
> it's back getting a free ride. The congregation end up being one of
> the fellowships many donkey rides. All because you are chasing the
> carrot of revival that is constantly dangled before you. {not to
> mention the stick of condemnatiuon they beat you with mercilessly}
>
> Now revival is linked to witnessing but have you noticed how the
> pastor pushes people to witness more and more? Have you noticed how
> the guilt trips start coming in if you are not on saturday outreach?
> The pastor promises revival and when it doesn't come it is your
> fault. You need to get out there and witness more and you know
> something else? If you do actually manage to win several people who
> stay for any length of time the pastor will declare it evidence that
> God has indeed brought revival and that you need to continue because
> these are just the 'first fruits'.
>
> No revival. You get the blame. People gat saved. God gets the
> credit. Now I'm not saying that God shouldn't get the credit {for a
> true revival anyway} but the Potters House can be understood better
> if you see it for what it is. A multi level religious marketing
> scam. Your pastor is desperately trying to make his slice of the
> franchise work. He's sold several units of his product to people
> like you and me and now he's pushing us to get more customers for
> himself with the promise that if we do well enough we might have a
> slice of the franchise ourselves one day.
>
> I may sound skeptical but I am speaking from experience. The Potters
> House is actually shrinking. There are many more EX memebrs in the
> world today than there are members in it. Over 95% of people led
> through a sinners prayer never make it to baptism and the majority
> of those baptised are out the door before the year is up. Those who
> continue to discipleship will usually last between 3 and 10 years
> before they go as well. Those that stay beyond that are a small
> minority. Of those that have pastored probably half are no longer
> pastoring today. Given that these men answered a supposed call of
> God on their lives it shouldn't be too hard to figure this one out!
> The rot even goes right up the the board of leaders established by
> Wayman Mitchell himself. {This is supposed to be the highest
> authority in the whole fellowship. Even Mitchell himself is said to
> be accountable to them - Of course you'll do well to question
> everything they say.} Of the original board of leaders all but one
> have left the fellowship. Only Harold Warner remains and he has lost
> his place on the board.
>
> The vast majority of churches are so small that the pastors have to
> work a secular job just to keep their heads above water and many
> have been doing just that for years. Of those who do get a wage from
> the congregation they have succeeded by bleeding an inordinate
> amount of cash from a very small group of people. Ernie Toppin is a
> classic example of that.
>
> In short there is always something that they will link to revival to
> make you hang on that little bit more. There will always be
> something you are not doing or something that is 'just around the
> corner' and you can virtually guarantee that the pastor will testify
> that he felt a breakthrough in the spiritual realm even when nothing
> happened outwardly and three months later there is still nothing.
> {They'll probably blame that on the devil. He's so powerful you
> know! Apparently he can even stop God's revival!}
>
> This is not just faith it is blind faith. It is not just blind faith
> it is faith in a man and his words and that man is saying what
> Prescott has taught him to say. What you are not told is that many
> people in Prescott itself are now asking what is wrong with the
> fellowship and why it isn't growing. One of the fellowship's
> favourite pastors, John Spurgeon, questioned why it was that we were
> claiming to be a powerful move of God when we were boasting of a
> thousand churches. He said "I was hearing that as far back as 1989"
>
> As long as you believe revival is around the corner you will stay.
> All I can say is that it's either a stinkin' big corner or there
> really is no revival coming. It's time to disabuse your self of the
> myth, get out and to something fruitful with your life. You owe it
> to God and you owe it to yourself too. It's either that or waste it
> chasing a crock of fools gold at the end of a fellowship rainbow.
>
> regards...naboth675
>
> --- End forwarded message ---
>

Silent no more:

I really enjoy reading your posts and seeing you get free of the religious chains that were so deeply embedding in our hearts and souls. Keep it up, freedom takes some effort, but you are getting there.

I have not posted here for a while, simply because I have other battles on other fronts. But with that said, I will not give up the battle of seeing other people get free from the oppressive, manipulating churches such as praise chapel, the potters house, victory chapels, new harvest, and whatever other deceiving names they put on the outside of their buildings.

I have challenged several pastors from praise chapel to get on here and debate with their former victims, including me, you boys should take the challenge, but bring a lunch, cause it is gonna be a long day for y'all. So cmon, superstars, lets do this thing.

As for you all with enough courage to post here, keep doing it, it is good therapy, As Jesus said " You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free".

Again not afraid for the pogues at praise chapel to know who I am,

Jeff Watkins

Its funny the longer I am out the better I feel. That feeling of never being good enough or not doing enough - that its my job to save the world - is disappearing. When I go out in public now I don't feel under condemnation. I don't look at people as totally lost and going to hell and that their blood is on my hands if I don't witness to them and invite them to church. I don't feel like I'm doomed and not fulfilling my destiny. I feel like a 2ton weight has been lifted off of me. Also, no more emotional roller coaster rides. We would get so caught up in moving sermons and dramatic altar calls and then going home to the monotny of regular everyday life would be such a letdown that you were always searching for the next emotional high. Everything was life or death; do or die. The end is near - hurry before its too late!!!!!

Talk about living in total bondage. Jesus said "my yoke is easy and my burden is light..."

Any time myself or someone would notice something untoward and start asking questions or conveying their opinion in the presence of some of the most skilled manipulators (i mean leaders-LOL) in the church I started to notice that they would flip the script on them. If the manipulators knew personal details of that person's life they would always say that the reason it was bothering them was because it reminded them of their own abuse or life and trigger this person back to that time. Oftentimes, resulting in that person becoming very emotional and introspective sometimes causing them to relive it. Thus, making that person totally forget about the inconsistencies and fraud in the church; or because of what they went through they couldn't possibly be right about what they saw.

This is classic mind control; classic manipulation. This is what soothsayers and fortune-tellers do. These people are ruthless. I have also seen it happen when they realize they have been caught not knowing the Word. If you correct them they automatically either attack you, humiliate or ask you to teach a lesson on it. Anything to destract you and the others around from realizing that they are making this stuff up as they go along or to fit their own agenda.

This is why giving all the personal details of your testimony is so important and overly-encouraged. They use the personal information you give out to control, dominate and shame you into obedience. Passively-Aggressively loveing you then shaming you so you are always off balance. When you question what's going on in the church they will tell you that having a hard time "trusting God" because you haven't allowed Him to heal and deliver you yet; that you are still damaged - that's why you are asking questions or being negative. Not only does this effectively stop your critical thinking ability; it also makes you doubt yourself and makes you dependent on them. And they do it with scripture thrown in.

This is evil. When this is done to already emotionally damaged people - you are victimizing them in the name of the Gospel. The very thing that the Bible expressly teaches against. Woe unto you.

These people will be held accountable on judgement day - I pray for them. I did it too - I had to repent and relearn the Word (still am). There is liberty, freedom and peace in Christ.

When you are part of a group like this for so long you become assimilated to their way of doing things and oftentimes have programmed responses that you give those who have decided to question or leave the group. Sometimes its not even about leaving its just you have been so indoctrinated you respond to people the way you have been responded to and think that you are just enlightened or spiritually mature and deal out the same kind of advice that you have been given. Not realizing you had been doing the very things that you have come to realize are deceiving and doctrinally unsound.

When you begin to "wake up" and see your participation - its is very sobering to realize that you were doing the same to others that you yourself now have come to understand as harmful and manipulative. This is another reason why its so difficult to face this and leave. Not only do we need to forgive ourselves for letting ourselves be deceived; we also have to forgive ourselves for leading others astray. This is also very painful.

Especially when we realize that we don't know the Bible the way we think we do. Its such a rude awakening. For me it was the Bible that saved me. I did read the Word and would keep going back to it. What we were living, teaching, preaching and counseling did not match the Word. I realize it took years to "wake up" but I have indeed "woken up.

I have to take responsibility for my participation and choice in all of this also. By admitting this to myself and understanding how I came to be vulnerable enough to give my life over to such influence has been beneficial in not condeming myself too much. Also this website has helped me realize that this can truly happen to anyone. As time goes on different things come back to me and I post them. It has been very liberating.