He lost his power over me when I realized that he never cared about me, hell, he didnt even know my name. There was no spiritual connection at all, just lies for control.
Your story reminds me of another exer who describes a similar experience of how Jagged Prabhufraud lost power over her. She had been a devoted servant for years - full time, 24/7. In the chaos between projects she had no place to stay or go. She had been moved around so many times on various projects but ended up with no income or means of support. Butler did not let her get married when she asked... so she returned to the mainland to get an education and continue her devotional practices with other devotees set up there. She always had in mind to return to Hawaii and Butler's direct service again, but with new and more profitable skills.
She was so poor at times working for her guru that she had to beg for tampax from women like Devahuti Gabbard or steal toilet paper from Down to Earth! Tulsi has no idea of this side of her cult! Their family always kept their distance from the worker bees. Oh sure, they will use them to hold signs on street corners, but not fraternize.
This exer recalls the days when she saw Butler daily. She felt very close to him. He would tease and joke her and always asked after her welfare. He would tell her how pleased he was with her service. She remembers his smiles and chanting with him and listening to lectures at least once a week in person. He always seemed happy and relaxed and loved to make jokes and have fun. The kirtans were magical. She felt it was such a spiritual and high time. Her letters to her mother from this time reflected happiness, peace, love, and purpose. There were no drugs or inappropriate touching or sexual things going on. Followers worked day jobs in the fields or in construction and had great vegetarian feasts on Sunday. It was a simple and peaceful life, as has been reported by several exers on this forum.
But, as the story goes, that all changed when Butler returned from India and later got interested in politics...
This exer continued to practice the religion and went back to school. After a year or two, she was called back to Hawaii to help with another big project. In the past, she would get calls personally from Butler... now he was using a secretary reminiscent of Rosa Krebbs, the James Bond villian! (From Russian With Love). Behind her back she was called Prima Donna Devi Dasi. The directive contained a veiled threat and darkness -- that Butler was displeased and her spiritual life was in danger. This secretary was the perfect messenger.
At any rate, this exer always intended to finish her degree and return to serve her guru... now she was being called back before she had completed her studies. Of course she returned to her guru immediately against the advice of professors, family, and friends.
Only this time she brought back with her the most sincere and loving boyfriend who was totally into Butler and Krishna. They were both put to work on separate projects.
She had to wait weeks before getting a meeting with Butler. In the past, she had instant and easy access to him. But being brainwashed she felt that the "guru of the world" is so busy and it would be arrogant of her to even be blessed with his presence at a kirtan, much less a glance, or even direct conversation! His message was reaching the world now and saving the planet! ...so she rationalized...
A lot had changed since she had gone away...
No more public appearances and rare private talks and kirtans. It was work all the time and listen to recorded lectures and kirtans led by his snobby and egotistical leiutenants like Mike Gabbard or Jivan Krishna das.
Her boyfriend, with whom Butler never met, set him up as an outcast from the beginning...leveling only menial jobs on him (even though he was a professional). The boyfriend took it in stride, feeling it was only meant to humble him. It did not occur to the exer that he might be jealous -- not of his girlfriend as a sexual object but an object of Butler's possession.
She remembers the meeting where she was to finally meet with Butler after being away from Hawaii. It was at some office. She was so excited to see him again after so long and couldn't wait to exchange loving greetings and smiles like they had in the past.
She instantly noticed a profound difference in him. but went into her full body prostration and obeisance recitation (as she had on a daily basis). When she rose and settled into a seating position on the floor, she noticed that his wife and another male were also in the room. His little band had grown since she had been gone so there were a lot of new faces. There he sat on his chair stiffly not really looking at anything. No light shining from his face as before. There was an akward silence between them. He looked so different now. He had no joy in his countenance, just indifference. But most curious of all, he did not seem to recognize or know who she was!
After years of direct service...how was this possible!? Why such distance after all the years together?! He treated her brusquely and gave her brief but banal instructions putting her under one of his mafia leuitenants and sent away without another word. There were no "Howzit, How are you doing? What's going on? Let me tell you about my new projects..." or any indication of ever having worked with or known her...
She was so shocked by what she saw and heard that she lost her voice and could not speak. Nor was there any interest in anything she could say. Here she had given over her whole life to him and he did not even care. The brevity of the meeting and the unconcern of her guru lit a cold fire inside of her. Within a year she would physically leave the cult. It would take another 25 years to fully recover...
There were a few more instances of Butler being completely off the mark with her. But followers are brainwashed to believe that the Guru of the Universe knows ALL because he's Besties with G0d and hangs out with him in his hood... And that is the crazy thing. The evidence that Butler is not
so divine was/is all over the place, but it is almost impossible to come to that conclusion. He really doesn't give a shit about anyone!
So Vit C -- count yourself lucky for seeing through the ruse.
There are so many more dramatic examples than the one above. Just recall the audio tape where Butler is ranting about a poor girl suffering from bulimia or the mother worried about her coughing baby who is chastized for caring about her child's welfare! Butler could be so cold and harsh. He has lectures laughing and joking about the suffering of senior citizens. How about the girl Belinda, dying from leukemia who worked at Wayne Nishiki's juice bar on Maui. Everyone waited to take their cues from Butler to see how they should react. He reacted with indifference. After all, she's not her body! Just chant and keep serving guru! So the community did not support her in her last, lonely days. I think only one person visited her in the hospital...
How about the poor boy with autism and a seizure disorder who was sent away to a group home and abused so his single mom and senior devotee could serve Butler full time. Sorry folks, it's just his karma.
I don't get it!? Growing up with this philosophy, how is it that Tulsi can sincerely speak about being a "Servant / Leader" if her lifetime leader is so cold and indifferent to humanity?! Unless Tulsi and Mike have been smart enough to leverage Butler's support for their own ends. Would that not make them the perfect followers? Following exactly in Butler's usery and narcissistic footsteps?