> Source: [mooji.org
> Pd: check the humble prices, especially for those
> “broadcasting online”. I think I’m dropping
> college and becoming a guru. Easiest way to become
> a millonaire playboy hahaha
Hello Leavingmooji, if you plan on becoming a guru, you need to apply to heaven, the most powerful place, where beautiful beings reside and where the most powerful god in the universe make his home. You could start with sending god's international apprenticeship team a video introducing yourself, expressing your earnest desire to be a guru's apprentice. An EU citizenship will definitely turn the application to your advantage since you can stay there for extended periods of time and/or when you get involved with one of the heavenly beings there (who is not an EU citizen) help them to obtain citizenship, so that they can also stay there. If this happens, don't expect the relationship to last, because god may decree otherwise for often very good reasons. Remember let not your will, but god's will be done.
It is a beautiful apprenticeship program they offer to loose yourself. You will be assigned as a member of one of the service houses e.g. housekeeping (including toilet washing), kitchen, building, landscaping, where you work for 12/24, 7/7 in service of god. You will need to pay some good Euros for this, but I assure you it is worth it. If you are lucky to have found favor with the arch angels, you may be reassigned to reception, AV, bean counting or security services. Initially, you will be very confused and/or humiliated in front of everybody. That helps to dissolve your ego and immerse your true self in the spirit of god. The whole process will take two - twenty years. It is still possible that after spending twenty years there that you feel you are still 'stuck' with yourself. A few frustrated ones have even ended their lives. Submission is the key, the more you submit, the faster you will loose yourself. Some angels who have completely submitted their soul and body are promoted to serve the god's household, where you can always be in close proximity to god and be everywhere with him 24/24, 7/7. Do take note that if your ego shows its tail in any form, like thinking that you have been enlightened or know better than god does, you will be excommunicated and may be forced to leave heaven.
During these years in heaven, you would have learnt how to talk like a guru. When faced with difficult questions, you would have learnt how to use a combination of word salad to confuse the devotee, high level language to dangle the enlightenment carrot to keep your devotee's high esteem and loyalty, so that they cannot live without you. If your family is from a wealthy business background who can support god's agenda and activities, you may get lucky at being conferred the enlightened disciple, along with with the right to give satsang, but you need to make sure that the crowd attending your satsang cannot statistically exceed that of god, else there might be repercussions, like having your satsang rights revoked.
If you are a poor man's son or daughter, you may need to learn how to generate some kind of income during your stay there, like learning to play an instrument, compose music, or other soft skills that you can market to the world. Other guru aspirants in the past have tried to gather rare materials or information about god, things that are not revealed to the public. These could later be sold as exclusive materials to interested organisations for a large sum of money, and be used to startup your guru activities. This just a practical example of how to raise money. Life takes care of life, and if you are earnest enough, the universe will somehow find a way unique for you, like how it has found a way for god.
Don't follow in the greedy footsteps of god regarding intimate relationships with devotees who trust you with their lives. If you need to, just choose one, formalize it and stick to that same one. That way no one can accuse you of .... As with all devotees, treat them equally, rich or poor. You are there for the sick and needy, spending more time on those who are very unwell as they need you more than those who are well. Empower them with your guru spirit so that they can clear their ego in less time than what you have taken under god. Don't charge money for satsang. The Universe will take care of your livelihood. You don't need to build your ashram because the world is your ashram. There will always be criticisms, so don't suppress them, welcome them to improve yourself, so that you can be a true Guru who serves the world, rather than being served.