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HowDoesItHappen
Hey guys. I'm back.
I thought I'd share my experience and a few musings.
I've been with my partner for quite a few years now. We've enjoyed a great, but unextraordinary relationship, until a couple of years ago. My partner went through some stuff that hurt her psychologically. With counselling she started to show signs of improvement. She started seeking alternative methods of improving her health and they seemed pretty positive. Her mother gave her some ideas on what kinds of things to try.
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I do know this though, having a discussion/arguement with someone who believes in it all from the viewpoint that none of it exists is fundamentally flawed. I think the hardest thing I've had to come to grips with is that while we here all know that it is crap, you are actually wrong to say that to them. Reality is subjective. Yes the sky is blue and water is wet, but for most of the things in the world you cannot tell someone that their point of view isn't reality. They believe it, therefore it is real (to them). Telling them it is not real actually makes you wrong. To fully understand that is about as mind blowing a thing as I've ever experienced, second to childbirth (I mean really, how is that an every day occurence?). It also makes it extremely hard if you hold out any hope of ever rescuing someone from it. I have been led to believe that you can never actually save anyone in a cult, so you just do your best to accept them for who they are and hope that one day they'll see it all for what it really is. Of course then your job is to be there for them when their world comes crashing down.
Anyway, I'm really sorry for the huge post, but it feels better to get it off my chest. And hopefully someone might find something useful in there. Just remember that I fully realise that I don't have it figured out, these are just some observations from my point of view.
Hi HowDoesItHappen,
thanks for sharing that- Let me tell you a couple of things. You are not to blame for the decisions your wife and it seems, her family have made. And there is a good chance that she will wake up one day and become aware of what has happened. You are right, you cannot talk her out of it. Logic and rational thought are the first thing to go when someone comes under the influence of a group such as this- though they would not be aware of that as such- so, as I have found, any argument just cements their idea that you are backwards, under the control of entities, channeling, pranic, etc- which is automatic defenses that have been built into the mind trap that Serge has built to keep the students on his path. ( just like other thought control groups)
I have been speaking with cult counsellors and experts ( who all incidentally are aware of UM and Serge, even if they are not aware they are aware!) and they have this advice. Dont argue with the members- it reinforces their belief in what they have been told. 2 - Dont blame yourself. There is a payoff for people to be in these groups, whether they know it or not. You mention your partner had some issues, which is typical. However some people are on a lifelong journey for meaning or to erase some past pain they have not dealt with, which can be an equal reason. Importantly, they are not lacking intelligence or a good heart or intention. They believe what they are doing is right. They cannot see the problem or even imagine that the group is a cult They love the community and the feeling it gives them. They adore the sense of certainty and feel as sense of purpose that they never have before. When they look back at how life was before it seems empty and unstructured....
but deep down they know it is not right. No one can accept the fantastic without suppressing their sense of reality and eventually it does bubble up at some unexpected moment.
You have a child. Stand firm in real love. That is the one where you FEEL strongly for your partner and child - in compassion and caring for their welfare. And if you do, when that moment comes she will realise that you have always been there loving her and this thing will be able to pass into memory and forgivness.
Take care and thanks for sharing your important story.