llg,

BEING REAL & FEELING A BIT NUMB

thnx very much for your response! i was wondering if you felt lonely in your marriage? or what was it that you were "missing" or "looking" for in trumpetcallofgod cult? u have answered this b/4 but i can't help but wonder if trent wasn't getting some of his needs met with me and so he turned to "the letters" Timothy Rathbun to get them met. i also can't help but wonder if some of this isn't my fault not in a shame or guilt kind of way but more like i am responsible for my actions etc and what i say and do does matter. and in our case "our marriage" maybe i was too **ichy @ times unresponsive etc so, whatever trent had already brought into the marriage, "baggage" i helped exasperate it. idk. it's something that i've been thinking and praying to the Lord for His view, understanding & wisdom.

i do understand somewhat that the "flock" trent's new family is normal to him. it seems to me that Timothy Rathbun in the "letters" represents a father figure to trent & a father figure, who accepts and loves him unconditionally, & one who is a loving law giver unlike his dad Doug. His dad gave the law but hardly any love. His parents brought him up, with the Gothard method, and if you know anything about that; it is a highly highly way of controlling your children. you break the child's will and not their spirit but it's broken too.

i feel scared insecure unsure & lonlely right now. i love trent dearly more now than ever. i don't want to loose him or leave him but i don't know how we're gonna survive in this situation. i've tried to make & keep my life as normal functional and healthy as possible but what trent is doing is spiritual abuse and it's overwhelming @ times. he neglects me & our marriage time and time again & that's what i wonder if i did neglect so he found something to fill that need. well, sometimes i wonder if he neglects me enuf will i be able to resist someone paying attention to me? i don't have the energy to do that but you abuse someone long enuf and idk.

Next yr we'll be going on four yrs since he joined this cult. @ this point, I'm praying hard for wisdom discernment and guidence. i know that i'm free to divorce or do whatever but how can that be the answer. it never seems to me the answer but logic says that i can't live like this for 3 more yrs.

trent says the rapture will happen b/4 Israel turns 63, which is next mayish, but anyone of those so called prophets in trumpetcallofgod cult can change delay or say that it happened. so @ that time, whose gonna see Timothy Rathbun for who he is? many other cult leaders as you know have predicted the coming of the Lord & have been wrong. so will trent see that? idk. the deeper he gets the harder it is to get out but not impossible. is love enuf tho? i know that i can't love him enuf out of this and i've gotta believe that God is listening to our prayers.

right now i'm tired disheartened and out of steam. So i pray talk get counsel take care of myself love trent etc. i want a new husband and marriage cuz this isn't a marriage.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/13/2010 02:47AM by frogla.

LLG? Do you think that anyone who reads these "letters" can get sucked into trumpetcallofgod?

frogla,

Take heart, I don't believe anything is impossible, especially with God on our side.

I wish I could give you some definite answers, but I think that would be better something coming from God, not me. I know how you feel though, I have myself been through some very rough times in my own marriage, and yes there have been many a lonely moment. I can't say for sure that the reason I joined the cult was because I was lonely in my marriage though, my marriage had been a lot worse in the past prior to the time when I joined the cult. Several times I asked myself and God if my husband and i should be together, and I know that during the cult days my husband thought very seriously about divorce too. Really, no matter what someone else tells you, go with what you feel God leading you to. Many people implored me during some dark days in our marriage which I won't go into detail about, to leave my husband and even implied I was not making good decisions for my children by not. I knew deep in my heart though that God did not want me to leave, that He would stand by me in the storm, and He did. I'm not saying that is or isn't the right choice for you, just that for me He made me know what the right answer was for me, and at times it was hard to accept it but whether or not I wanted to, I knew it. I'm not sure if this is really making any sense to you, or just confusing you further, I 'm sorry if it is, I just thought maybe by sharing my experience it may help you to work through yours. One thing I can tell you though, when I came out of the cult, and found my family and my husband standing beside me no matter what, and what they had gone through because they loved me, I felt safe and loved. If I had come out and my husband had left me, or my family wouldn't speak to me, though I would have probably deserved it I would have felt abandoned and it would have probably driven me either back into that cult or something else just as dangerous.

I also know the dangers of temptation when in a lonely situation, and that can be tough too. All I can tell you there, is it is a big mistake to go down that road so do your best to find the holes and recognize them before you fall in, otherwise it will be much harder to get out once you're in and you'll definitely be worse for wear from the fall.

As far as Trent's childhood playing a factor, I agree. I think generally we tend to look at authority figures we are used to in our lives and superimpose them in our spiritual beliefs to "shape" our view of God. Trent and I identified on a few points with regards to this in our counselling sessions etc. and he even helped me to see that my view of God had been shaped by things in my past (during which he spoke of some of the issues in his past as you mentioned above to illustrate his points). Because of the fact that he sees Timothy as a conduit for God, he likely regards Timothy as sort of a "replacement" father in a sense because Timothy falls in line with the viewpoint he has on God and His character. Another thing I have realized for me anyways, is I have always hungered for a deeper and closer relationship with God, from the time I was a teenager; but I also know that discernment is not my strong suit. I think that caused a perfect mixture for me to be vulnerable to this, I don't know if that is the same for Trent or not, but if so he could have just been searching for a deeper sense of belonging in Christ but missed the trees for the forest in a sense.

I really hope my words have made things easier for you and not harder, if I can help you or if you have any other questions that you think might make things clearer for you, I'm here and please know that I will be praying for you.

Much love in Christ,
LLG

praying 4 all of us thru this storm. Its not fair that we have 2 endure this nonsense :-(

Viewed Trent and Jayse's last you tube video this morning? Does it mean anything or just stringing people along?

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cultaware
Viewed Trent and Jayse's last you tube video this morning? Does it mean anything or just stringing people along?

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philly
Where did you view their video? I don't watch them so I know nothing that you are taking about.

(((hugs)))

On Trents website, yesterday. On my cell it offered the utube option.

[goo.gl]

That is the video to Trent's Oct. 12 10 blog.

@ cultaware. I saw it. What do you think?

They seem really hopeful. I feel sad for them and wish they could be pried loose from Tim's evil grip. They have that super confident cult demeanor. Hard to break past that. Will continue to watch and pray. Wish more could be done. What is most important now is that you take care of yourself. I hope Tim slips up in a way that causes his followers to wake up.