This is Polly Toynbee's account of her Ikeda-sponsored trip to Japan. She, her husband, and their daughter were wined and dined by Ikeda and his people in Tokyo, Kyoto, and Hiroshima. They stayed in luxurious hotels, rode in limousines, ate at the best restaurants, given expensive gifts. An entourage of drivers, interpreters and aides saw to their every desire. Your SGI zaimu contributions at work! They were shown huge conventions, with thousands of people cheering Ikeda. And at the end...they were asked for this favor.......

---------Beginning of Quote, Rick Ross Archives---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Value of a Grandfather Figure

Manchester Guardian/May 19, 1984
By Polly Toynbee

On the long flight to Japan, I read for the first time my grandfather's posthumously, published book, "Choose Life -- A Dialogue," a discussion between himself and a Japanese Buddhist leader called Daisaku Ikeda. My grandfather, the historian Arnold Toynbee was 85 when the dialogue was recorded, a short time before his final incapacitating stroke. It is probably the book among his works most kindly left forgotten -- being a long discursive ramble between the two men over topics from sex education to pollution and war.

A few months earlier, I had received a telephone call out of the blue from Mr Ikeda's London representative: Mr Ikeda was inviting my husband and myself to Japan, in memory of, and in gratitude to, my grandfather. We were puzzled at this -- eight years after his death.

We arrived at Tokyo airport, and at least 10 people were there to greet us, with a huge bouquet each for myself and for Milly, my astounded twelve-year-old daughter. A long solemn message of welcome from Mr Ikeda was read out, and we were driven away in a vast black limousine with electric darkened windows and Mr Ikeda's emblem emblazoned on the carpet in gold thread. Walkie-talkies between the vehicles of the motorcade to the hotel relayed further messages from our mysterious host. The scale of operation was soon made clear.

Two representatives from the English branch of Mr Ikeda's movement had accompanied us all the way from London and were scarcely to leave our side, together with a phalanx of interpreters, drivers and aides of all kinds. Mr Ikeda wishes you to feel entirely at home," and "Mr Ikeda wishes you to make every use of the hotel's services and 36 restaurants" came the messages at regular intervals, as we gazed down out of our fourteenth floor window on to the hotel garden -- full of waterfalls, bridges and carp squeezed, like everything in Tokyo between intersecting flyovers.

Night and day, surrounded by his aides, we heard his name mentioned in tones of reverential awe.

The evening came when we were at last to meet him. The great black limousine pulled into the palatial headquarters. The doorway was flood-lit with camera lights, and there stood Mr and Mrs. Ikeda, surrounded by bowing aides and followers. Dazed and dazzled by this unexpected reception committee, we were lead up to him to shake the small, plump hand. There he stood a short, round man with slicked down hair, wearing a sharp Western suit. Camera bulbs flashed, movie cameras closed in, and we were carried away with the throng, past corridors of bowing girls dressed in white to an enormous room.

Vast white armchairs were arrayed in a huge square and we were ushered to a throne-like set of three chairs at the head of the room, one for each of us and one for Mr Ikeda. He speaks no English, so behind us sat his beautiful young interpreter who accompanies him around the world. She sat at a microphone, so all our words could be heard clearly echoing round the room by all the aides and followers, who had taken to their rows of armchairs in strict order of precedence.

We sat there awed, appalled, intimidated, while royal courtesies flowed. "I want you to feel absolutely at home this evening," said Mr. Ikeda as we felt about as far from home as it is possible to be. "Just enjoy yourselves on this very informal occasion," he said. What would a formal meeting have been like? We talked of the weather in London and Japan, the city, the sights -- desperate small talk, conducted in public for half an hour, balancing champagne glass and smoked salmon plate, while the aides round the room nodded solemnly. Our host's style of conversation was imperious and alarming -- he led and others followed. Any unexpected or unconventional remark was greeted with a stern fixed look in the eye, incomprehension, and a warning frostiness.

As we took it in turn to sally forth in this game of verbal royal tennis, we each had time to study the man. Worldly he seemed, down to the tip of his hand-made shoes, earthy almost, without a whiff of even artificial spirituality. Asked to hazard a guess at his occupation, few would have selected him as a religious figure. I have met many powerful men -- prime ministers, leaders of all kinds -- but I have never in my life met anyone who exuded such an aura of absolute power as Mr Ikeda. He seems like a man who for many years has had his every whim gratified, his every order obeyed, a man protected from contradiction or conflict. I am not easily frightened, but something in him struck a chill down the spine.

He turned eventually to reminiscences of my grandfather and their meeting in London.

"It is my mission in life to see that his work is read by everyone. You will support me in this?" I could hardly say no. "You promise? I have your promise?" I felt uneasy at what exactly was expected of me. Then he suddenly mentioned the fact that there are in existence some more parts to the Toynbee/Ikeda Dialogue, as yet unpublished, which he would like to be able to publish soon. A part of our reason for this journey fell neatly into place. Later I was to find out more.

There was one sticky moment in the course of the meal. He asked us what we thought my grandfather's last word of warning to him had been as they parted. We racked our brains until, in desperation, my husband ill-advisedly answered, "Greed." An icy look passed across Mr Ikeda's ample features. He looked as if he might summon a squad of husky samurai to haul us away. I hastened to explain that Peter meant the greed of mankind, of course, as referred to frequently in the Dialogues -- man's grasping selfishness and so on. He looked not entirely mollified and the moment passed.

After dinner we returned to the room of the great armchairs, and lavish present-giving followed

Next day our photographs appeared on the front page of Ikeda's multi-million circulation daily, the Seikyo Press, with a record of our dinner table conversation. No-one told us it was on the record--but it didn't matter, since it was the words, mainly of Mr Ikeda, that went reported, and little of us beyond our presence as his audience.

We departed for a brief trip to Kyoto and Hiroshima, only to be greeted again by more bouquets, banquets, black limousines and local Soka Gakkai groups.

One night we were shown a film of Ikeda's triumphal tour round America, at massed rallies in stadiums from Dallas to San Diego. Formation teams of majorettes and baton twirlers spelled the words SOKA and PEACE in great waves of thousands of human bodies and Ikeda, spot-lit and mobbed by screaming fans, delivered his usual speeches on peace -- always peace. The stadium burst out in delirious applause.

We asked for a proper, serious interview with Ikeda, but later we doubted if anyone had dared relay our comments or our request. It was at Soka Gakkai's founder's day, with the same kind of mass rally of 6000 majorettes we had seen on the film, to the theme tunes of "Dallas" and "The Sound of Music." After the finale Ikeda took a lap of honour round the stadium, while carefully rehearsed groups of girls shrieking with adulation, pealed away towards him.

We didn't see him again but he sent us yet another silk-bound tome, in which there was no text, but only 296 huge full-page photographs of himself and his family -- a book of colossal narcissism.

What had the whole trip been for? By the time we left, it all became clear. We had been taken to be interviewed by newspapers and television -- Peter about international affairs, I about my grandfather. Each interview in which we appeared bound Ikeda and Arnold Toynbee closer together in the public eye. Ikeda was making a firm bid to become the chief official Toynbee friend and spokesman.

I had no idea of the extent of my grandfather's fame and importance in Japan. He was awarded the Order of the Rising Sun, and his work is compulsory reading in all universities. As the prophet of the rise of the East and the decline of the West, he has long been a hero in Japan. There is a Toynbee Society, run by distinguished academics, some of whom knew my grandfather well for many years, and they print a quarterly journal.

My grandfather never met Ikeda on his visits to Japan. His old Japanese friends were clearly less than delighted with lkeda's grandiose appropriation of his memories, on the basis of a handful of rather vague interviews in extreme old age.

Soka Gakkai is the most powerful of Japan's "New Religions" which have sprung up since the war, It is rigidly hierarchical, with no democratic elements, and absolute power in Ikeda's hands. It imposes few religious or moral duties, beyond chanting twice a day, but it expects a high degree of obedient social participation in its organisation.

Soka Gakkai has non-governmental organisation status at the United Nations, a fact used much by Ikeda, as it establishes them as a world-wide "peace movement" and helps to give Ikeda access to heads of states around the globe. At Soka Gakkai's founders' day, we found representatives of many foreign embassies, and the French Ambassador was the guest of honour. People who seek influence in Japan cannot afford to ignore Ikeda, and indeed his own books sport hundreds of pictures of himself meeting people like Edward Kennedy, John Galbraith, and Presidents from every continent.

As we were leaving, Ikeda's secretary took us aside and asked if we could help with the publication of a second batch of Ikeda/Toynbee Dialogues left over from the first book. There were, it appeared, problems with executors and rights. Also it was hinted that in Ikeda's forthcoming tour of Britain in June 1985, we might be of some assistance. Exactly what was unspecified, but the marker was put down.

Back in England, I telephoned a few people round the world who had been visited by Ikeda. There was a certain amount of discomfort at being asked, and an admission by several that they felt they had been drawn into endorsing him. A silken web is easily woven, a photograph taken, a brief polite conversation published as if it were some important encounter.

I talked to the Oxford University Press, my grandfather's publishers. They said they had firmly turned down the Toynbee/Ikeda Dialogues, which were being heavily promoted by Ikeda after my grandfather's death. It would have been better if they had stuck to that decision. But Ikeda succeeded in getting it published in New York and the OUP felt obliged to follow suit. In the file lies a later letter referring to the possibility of a second batch of dialogues being published.

A reply from OUP tells inquirers that the manuscript can now only be obtained with the permission of the literary executors. The papers are stored, unsorted, in the Bodleian library in Oxford. It emerged that even while we were in Japan, Ikeda's representatives had been making discreet calls to England about the Toynbee papers. That, in the end, I suspect, was the purpose of our trip -- but from the present firm attitude of the OUP, it is highly unlikely that further Toynbee/Ikeda material will appear.
-----------------------------End of Quote----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's blatantly obvious that Ikeda brought Polly Toynbee, and her family to Japan with an agenda. He'd arrange to have the Toynbees treated like royalty, and in exchange, she'd happily hand over her grandfather's papers so that Ikeda could publish a second book. She'd also help publicize the books. So he thought, but Polly Toynbee is clearly nobody's fool.

I think that her observations on Ikeda and SGI are right on target. She saw through him -- and he'll never forgive her for that.

Interesting, how Ikeda courts anyone who might be useful to him...people felt "drawn" into endorsing him, and later embarrassed that they had. But then, the psychologist, Cialdini, did say that giving gifts and doing favors were effective means of manipulating people -- people then feel obligated to reciprocate in some way. Ikeda and his people are masters at taking a photo or brief conversation with a famous person -- and spinning it into an important encounter.

Thanks for posting that Tsuki!! I had never read the entire thing, as it would have been a no no in SGI. Scary. That's scarier than I thought it would be!

NIchijew! That daimoku by Ikea is the scariest I've ever heard. Halfway into it it sounded like he was too out of breath to continue. Come to think of it, why would he need to chant. What would he be chanting for..more money? more power? world peace? World peace with the SGI military police running around to secure peace and order from the unthinking masses. I don't think he would feel compelled to chant for much. He must be too busy receiving reports about collections and purchases, meetings and honorary BS degrees, upcoming "culture" festivals, along with the occasional obit or birth.. Oh and not to forget the occasional night out at geisha spots.. Fun stuff.

To sushigrl:

Well, you know the SGI center is in Shinjuku after all, the financial center and government center of Tokyo and Japan. You know what else is there in Shinjuku? It's northeast of the Shinjuku train station.

Need a hint?

It's Kabukicho! The part of Tokyo that makes Amsterdam's Red Light District and Las Vegas look like (Tokyo) Disneyland!

I know, I've walked the streets there. It scared the crap out of me how much debauchery there is there.

Hi,
I'd just like to say how much reading this thread has helped me.
Im thoroughly shocked by some of the things ex-members have spoken of here.
Ive been with SGI for 4 years now, and have finally decided that I cant stay "in" and be myself.
Yes, it does scare me having a huge gap in my life. I agree that the routine of a daily spiritual practise was a good and positive structure to my day.
But I simply cannot do this practise anymore, because of its connections to the activities of SGI and its attitude.
The process of taking a mental step back from all this has been a very painful and confusing one.
I know nothing of any other form of Buddhism (although at the risk of sounding trendy, I might be into learning more of Tibetan Buddhism), I was not looking for it when it "found" me. I was at a very, very low ebb and in a very dark place when I was introduced to ND/SGI practise, post-suicide attempt, in fact. I do offer thanks to those that supported me in recovery. But I learnt, gradually that, not showing adequate proof, gets you discarded, and asking questions/challenging the status quo leaves you alienated from the inner-circles.
I do not chant now because I have failed to find success in overcoming some very critical problems through chanting, that is my own, very personal conclusion. My instinct is that the org. is a very cynical, self-serving one, more than ready to mold itself or hitch a ride on whatever band-wagon makes it the most palitable to the country it is in. These are my conclusions, and not drawn from simply skimming the internet.

(I would like to hear from other ex-SGI-UK members, if they are reading this, who have found leaving painful and hard, but , to any SGI members intent on "dialogue-ing" me, I warn you to not bother, Im not interested.)

Thank you to all who have posted here, it is the one place I have found that offers truth and insight, not to mention simple discussion.
I find it ironic that there is no real discussion in SGI discussion meetings!

When I was young, and being teased, I confided in one of my teachers, a kind and insightful man. He told me something that I've never forgotten: Bullies cannot accept or admit to having any faults or making mistakes. A bully will project his or her own unadmitted flaws and errors onto others. A bully who is afraid of his or her own weakness, for example, will constantly accuse and attack others for appearing weak. A bully who is a liar accuses everyone else of lying. Bullies make mistakes and then say that someone else did it.

When I was in SGI in the 1990's, and the anti-Nichiren Shoshu rhetoric was flying, we were told that the priests did very little daimoku and rarely did gongyo. Leaders kept telling us that priests didn't do shakabuku or study. Leaders told us that priests did very little -- sat around the temples, doing an occasional ceremony and taking the members' money! We were also told that many priests were living extravagantly, drinking and chasing women -- and looking down upon the members whose donations financed this lifestyle! We heard this at meetings and read it in SGI publications.

When I received guidance, a leader also told me that there was a priest who was making his own wooden Gohonzons!

And who was REALLY doing these things? Could it be our friend Daisaku?

Quote
Nichijew
Anticult: I just got off the phone with a former salaried leader of the Soka Gakkai who lived in Japan for many years beginning in the mid eighties. He speaks, reads, and writes Japanese and has been an independent practitioner for more than 10 years while his wife became a Nichiren Shoshu member. He started out receiving what we could term strict Soka Gakkai training, doing Sokahon (traffic control division). After gaining the trust of the Japanese Sokahan leaders, they took him down to the basement of the SGI headquarters building and showed him a wooden Gohonzon inscribed down the middle, Namu Myoho renge kyo Daisaku Ikeda. He confirms that he never saw or heard Ikeda chant on his own when guarding his residence or work area and there was a rumor that Ikeda's wife was worried about him and before the split she sought guidance from a priest about his habit of neither chanting Namu Myoho renge kyo nor reciting the Lotus Sutra. /quote]

SGI also told us that Nikken Abe was not a legitimate high priest. The previous Nichiren Shoshu high priest, Nittatsu, died without publicly designating a successor. If Nittatsu wrote his choice down, the paper was missing. After Nittatsu's death, Nikken came forward and said that he and Nittatsu had had a private discussion in which Nittatsu asked Nikken to be the next high priest. SGI accused Nikken of lying about this conversation.

And then I read this on the www.culthelp.info link -- and my, oh my! I read this account of how Ikeda got to be the third SGI president, and I thought, "I've heard this story before!" Same plot, different cast of characters!

-------------------------Beginning of quote, culthelp.info --Last Will and Testament of Tsugio Ishida-----------------------------

Toda's Last Will and Testament Is a Fabrication"

However, the highlight of this manuscript is the passage which deals with the "forged last request" put forth by Daisaku when he was chosen to become the third president. Daisaku says that on March 16, 1958, he was told by President Josei Toda in an elevator, "I leave everything to you." In the same manner, he says that on the 29th of the same month, he was told by President Toda just before the latter's death, "Don't retreat a single step. Don't loosen your grip on the chase." At the present time, this is presented as the "authentic history" of the Gakkai.

In juxtaposition to that, Ishida gives the following account. "The last request which I received occurred just before 4:00 p.m. on March 16, 1958. Toda said, 'The next president will be determined by all of you. So be on good terms with each other.' All of the attendees received this with feelings of total confidentiality. This was received not just by me myself but there were also just under 50 people in attendance, including General Director Koizumi. All of these people were attendees of the party held in celebration of the completion of the Grand Lecture Hall. Ikeda, as the Chief of Staff, was responsible for outside (on the grounds), and was not present. The above meeting took place in the tatami mat hall on the fourth floor of the Grand Lecture Hall....If events had happened according to Ikeda's account, then Toda Sensei would have deceived the General Director, the Directors, the Chapter Chiefs, the Standing Committee members, the Women's Division Chief, and the Young Men's and Young Women's Division Chiefs. Think about it. Could such an important matter concerning the entire Gakkai have been conducted within an elevator? That would be horrifying to everyone, would it not?"

Ishida concludes that topic with his comments concerning the "last will and testament (of Josei Toda)" of March 29. "On the 18th, High Priest Nichijun Shonin paid a visit to Toda Sensei's sickbed.... (Toda Sensei) was unable to answer the High Priest. The visit lasted for 30 minutes, and all during that time, he was capable only of repeatedly responding with 'Hai, hai' ('I understand, I understand'). And that was done with only the weakest of voices.... After March 20th, he was incapable of rising from his bed, even with the help of others. His physical condition declined precipitously, and he was unable to speak.... In spite of that, how is it that around that time he could twice draw only Ikeda close to his bedside? How did Ikeda twice receive voiced directions from Sensei, who was incapable of speech? What did he do, hear Sensei's voiceless speech with the ears in his mind?... It's all a fabrication."

Ishida affirms that "Ikeda fabricated the last will and testament of his Master." We have related previously how those two were rivals for the position of the third presidency.
---------------------------------End of Quote----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So which private meeting REALLY happened? The one where Nittatsu told Nikken Abe to be the next Nichiren Shoshu high priest? Or the one where Josei Toda told Ikeda to be the next Soka Gakkai president?

Very interesting, Ikeda accusing Nikken about assuming a position under false pretenses -- a private meeting with a now-dead leader....conveniently, no witnesses or documents to confirm anything!

I didn't realize how wise my former teacher really was until I got older!

@wayfarerfree

Welcome to the board! Yes we can finally discuss and give our viewpoints without judgment. Even though you are from the UK, it's almost the same everywhere. In fact, I was also alienated because of my constant questioning and how I didn't over come all of my problems through chanting.

So please write away . . . . you don't even have to sing Japanese pseudo-military songs!

If one just looks at the SGI Ikeda situation logically, there is no way Ikeda is going to chant.

People with his mindset are too action-oriented to sit around and chant. Men of action like Ikeda don't generally pray, chant, or even self-reflect. Ikeda is a vain, shallow, greedy, selfish mega-narcissist.

If anything, Ikeda would see chanting as a mechanism to occupy the unthinking masses, and keep them busy. Combine chanting with working for SGI for no pay, and the unthinking masses are occupied 24/7. Also, keep them awake all night guarding nothing, that is a good method as well.
Every totalist leader knows that idle hands create problems, so they want to keep the troops busy digging trenches and filling them in again, and following orders, and not questioning authority.

For the purpose of analysis, one has to set aside for the moment all religious philosophies, and the various smokescreens put up by Ikeda and SGI. And take a few steps back, and look at the big picture.

There is no question Ikeda is extremely intelligent in his own way.
Ikeda understand Reciprocity, and bribery, and so he knows how to do that.
Ikeda understands power, and how to manipulate and control people. He's a master manipulator for those who are vulnerable.

And its pathetically easy, especially in the past, for any Guru from the "East" to dupe a western intellectual. Every fake guru in the "east" duped many western intellectuals.
Meanwhile the locals in the "east" are laughing at how the western bigshot got duped by the fraud.

Some of these frauds from the east, came to america, slapped on a few robes, told a few riddles, and all of a sudden all these western people think they are "deep".
A master manipulator like Ikeda could dupe many people.

But Polly Toynbee is obviously telling it like it is.

And "no discussion" at SGI meetings is not ironic! Its been designed that way from Ikeda and his head people. THEY ARE TO DO THE THINKING. They have to train people to not think, and not ask questions, and not look up the 990 Forms of SGI University to find the 900 million in the stock market, and 100 other things.

And its also highly possible and there are many signs that Ikeda operates his own type of SGI "harem", in terms of surrounding himself with young women. Of course, they keep all that hidden, so one has to look at whatever evidence is available. Since Ikeda believes that "greed is good" that carries over into morality as well. There would be hints in some of his writings about marriage and morality, and of course the King makes the rules, and does not have to follow them.

Quote
wayfarerfree
Hi,
I'd just like to say how much reading this thread has helped me.
Im thoroughly shocked by some of the things ex-members have spoken of here.
Ive been with SGI for 4 years now, and have finally decided that I cant stay "in" and be myself.
Yes, it does scare me having a huge gap in my life. I agree that the routine of a daily spiritual practise was a good and positive structure to my day.
But I simply cannot do this practise anymore, because of its connections to the activities of SGI and its attitude.
The process of taking a mental step back from all this has been a very painful and confusing one.
I know nothing of any other form of Buddhism (although at the risk of sounding trendy, I might be into learning more of Tibetan Buddhism), I was not looking for it when it "found" me. I was at a very, very low ebb and in a very dark place when I was introduced to ND/SGI practise, post-suicide attempt, in fact. I do offer thanks to those that supported me in recovery. But I learnt, gradually that, not showing adequate proof, gets you discarded, and asking questions/challenging the status quo leaves you alienated from the inner-circles.
I do not chant now because I have failed to find success in overcoming some very critical problems through chanting, that is my own, very personal conclusion. My instinct is that the org. is a very cynical, self-serving one, more than ready to mold itself or hitch a ride on whatever band-wagon makes it the most palitable to the country it is in. These are my conclusions, and not drawn from simply skimming the internet.

(I would like to hear from other ex-SGI-UK members, if they are reading this, who have found leaving painful and hard, but , to any SGI members intent on "dialogue-ing" me, I warn you to not bother, Im not interested.)

Thank you to all who have posted here, it is the one place I have found that offers truth and insight, not to mention simple discussion.
I find it ironic that there is no real discussion in SGI discussion meetings!

Hello Wayfarerfree:

You write:

"But I simply cannot do this practise anymore, because of its connections to the activities of SGI and its attitude."

Nichijew:

Actually, the faith and practice of the Lotus Sutra has absolutely nothing to do with the Soka Gakkai. The Transmission or Succession is through the Lotus Sutra and the writings of Nichiren Daishonin, not through the Soka Gakkai and the wiritngs of the Three Presidents. They have appropriated the Lotus Sutra and the teachings of Nichiren to lend credence to their non-Buddhist "value creation" philosophy in which the beauty, goodness, and TRUTH of the great philosopher Emanuel Kant has been changed to beauty, goodness, and GAIN. They, by their own admission, have thrown out TRUTH as irrelevant. The authentic teachings of the Lotus Sutra and Nichiren Daishonin place truth as first and foremost. Nichiren Daishonin was banished and exiled again and again and was nearly executed, not for the sake of personal "gain" but for the sake of the Lotus Sutra. In the end however, Nichiren overcame all these difficulties thanks to the power of the Lotus Sutra and Shakyamuni Buddha.

One of the virtues of the Buddha is equanimity and another is magnanimity. These are found in the teachings of the Lotus Sutra and Nichiren Daishonin. They are not found in those of the Soka Gakkai.

I believe that, were you able to set aside your bitter experiences with the Soka Gakkai, reexamine the Lotus Sutra and teachings of Nichiren Daishonin, and muster the power of faith, you would overcome all your difficulties and find ultimate satisfaction and joy.

Nichijew



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2009 03:38AM by Nichijew.

Hi wayfarerfree! It's a good thing to post here and patch that old "hole" in your life. The hole in my life was created by 20+ years of centering my life on SGI and filling my mind with Ikedaisms and sorry excuses for "guidance in faith".

You'll do well to spit out the bad taste of your experiences by posting. SGI is such a big and invasive group. It claims to have all the answers. I also had a suicide attempt which was completely ignored by my "leaders" as one of my foolish attempts to get " attention". I know your attempt was before you joined. Imagine me, a chapter leader, trying to take my life. No one suggested therapy or counseling. No big home visits. They just had to make sure that I didn't disturb my members with the gritty details. One leader actually told me that she understood why I would want to choose suicide owing to the fact that I was such a crumby member and mother. But no, I should try to live and show actual proof for the sake of my children. Things were rich, very rich...

I also had a friend of mine who was hospitalized due exhaustion from stress and activity burnout. She had been skipping meals, sleep, chanting long daimoku sessions and running around like an idiot But, it was all for Kosen Rufu wasn't it.

I have never told anyone about this, due to the fact that I was made to feel so ashamed. This was shortly after my mother died, and before I actually left the org. Ick. Icky memories. I guess suicide attempt wouldn't fall into the actual proof category. :)

But wayfarerfree...be good to yourself..and be prepared for the sun to rise in the decreasing fog of that SGI training. As soon as I started posting here recently, I went from shame to anger to bitterness to sheer delight at not having to worry about some leader hearing about my thoughts. Yay! We're free! Our lives are about our freedom to choose what to allow in and what to discard. It's about cherishing what we already have, and deciding our own paths. We can live the lives we want. We can create value with or without chanting. Our problems are puzzles and we will find the pieces to solve them. With, or without chanting.

We can express love and sadness and disappointment without the permission of a leader or mentor or anybody. We have to establish relationships based on our own sense of self...n ot on some prepackaged group setting. It's hard, but it is more meaningful.

My brother is practicing Tibetan Buddhism with a lama in the US. He has respect for many different religions and Buddhisms. I don't think he is being brainwashed. He just is in love with the message of Buddhism. Be yourself.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2009 06:19AM by sushigrl.