Corboy & Mey (and for the record here) - here's an excerpt from a post I made at reddit (
link) that is related to the subject of abusive spouses/cults:
"Leaving the Sgcult is strikingly similar to breaking up with a psychopathic spouse. In both cases, one must summon great courage and overcome each and every fear that keeps one locked into a harmful and destructive relationship, while deluding oneself into believing there is no other choice that can be made to alleviate the pain and suffering that life may bring. Friends and family (or cult.org members), usually resort to "blame the victim" tactics rather than admit the ugly truth, thereby protecting the abusive oppressor and their "good reputations". Even worse, we may self-delude into playing the victim role all by ourselves, and do all of the defending the abuser stuff ourselves as well. But no matter if its a spouse or a cult.org, the problem remains the same - we have conceded control (submission) to some dominating figure or authority outside of being, thereby giving up the freedom to chose for ourselves.
Psychopaths, be they abusive spouses or religious organizations, are adept at hiding their evil control-obsessed nature, while simultaneously presenting a beautiful and perfect picture of themselves to the world. They fake-smile while driving their straws deep, hoping to suck their victim's energy dry without them even noticing the drain. If you do begin to notice something and make overt objections, or try to re-establish self-autonomy, they quickly reach into their bag of psychological tricks to help misdirect and use your own words and thoughts against you, keeping you off balance, enslaved, easily manipulated, and led to believe there is no other choice but the one being presented to you by your abuser/user.
Completely dominating members through "guidance" is an SGcult leadership power trip and cult control mechanism. The cult understands that by appointing "leaders" they gain a very powerful and useful tool of control over the members. Even the good people that know better than to get sucked in by the slick cult propaganda become easily coerced into cult.org obedience by their surprise induction into the leadership hierarchy. Little by little (or sometimes in great leaps) cult.org members surrender themselves to the will and authority of higher positioned leaders, until they have become an empty shell of themselves (to use their own terminology - manifesting the world of "animalism"). " (end quote)
Mey, my second wife was a full blown psychopath, so I know first hand about abusive spouses. She played me like a string on the guitar (or better yet, she beat me like a drum). Her ability to project guilt and blame was superb. Friends we knew often told me the exact same thing after I finally broke off from her control, "But she was always so nice and friendly!" Abusive spouses and religious cults both exhibit the same well-honed ability to project a false face to their potential victims/detractors - to effectively sell their lies without letting the mark realize that they are being sold a bill of goods.
Corboy, let me repeat some golden words of your own:
"I chewed the guy out and walked out on him. know why I finally knew what to do?
Because I had had ten years writing stuff on this website and had been validated by you guys, thats why. So..thank you.
Internalizing a community of support is the real healing.Until we get that, we are all alone, even when we sense something is indeed wrong."
"Internalizing a community of support is the real healing" - what an amazing insight, Corboy! In one sentence you have deftly summed up the essence of our purpose and mission, as we give and receive with a harmonious balance of interaction that adds so much enrichment and real value to our lives. I see "internalizing community support" as being real mystic law protection, as opposed to the phoney-baloney buddhist gods myth some of us were previously indoctrinated with. Even though contributors here on this forum may have never met face to face, the precious friendships we have forged and the confidence/wisdom that we've gained from each others warm support EXPANDS OUR LIVES exponentially. I was indeed, "standing alone" for many, many years until I found this forum and you guys. I hold each of you Buddha-ka in the highest of regards. Once again, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
I am an unenslaved spirit
A slave that has freed himself
I AM SPARTACUS