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sleepy skunk
For me it was also a lot of little things that seemed to pile up one after the other. Between the endless eventual demands for money, visiting the brainwashing center (and paying for the privilege), confirmation bias laden "experiences", the annoying language, constant magical thinking, the useless guidance, people meddling in others business, the gossip, and lastly, the absolute loons I came across. Add that to all the signs I had been ignoring for years during which my unconscious was demanding my attention the whole time right from the beginning. I've really learned the value of trusting my gut and always using my head. One experience I've had that others have here was the quashing of critical thinking. I couldn't understand why this was until I came back here and read the first hundred or so pages. The techniques, all of that. It's so obvious once you distance yourself and educate yourself. How I managed to escape I'll never know, but one thing is certain. Not doing any of the practice ever except quite rarely probably helped save me. I had my reasons not to, but mostly my gut told me to stop and just observe and that's when I think it all hit the fan. I really hated those magazines and their constant reinforcement that we were all owing gratitude to people we've never met nor have done anything direct for anyone as far as anyone can see. Any time I heard an experience or was about to hear one I'd roll my eyes and phase out until they were done. I have more important things to think about than that, like how fast I can twiddle my fingers as I listen to that crap. Separately, all the techniques they use might not be so bad but together I can only think it's good to be gone. I am like many here in thinking "How could I be so stupid to go for this stuff?" When I think about the question of what did the practice actually do for me? Good question. Like others here, I've met some interesting people I probably wouldn't have any other way yes, but it's not worth making myself a mind-slave for Cousin Rufus. I learned a lot about emotional and psychological manipulation techniques, however. Thank you all for aiding my exit. I've given back the scroll already and all that other garbage is exactly where it belongs, and I'm never looking back!
I can relate to so much in this post. So much. Little things slowly piling up (the dysfunctional "leaders"), constant / endless zaimu campaigns (it really got to be ridiculous), brainwashing tozan (this was when things went even beyond how weird they usually were in the everyday cult org., I still remember how shocked I was by the bizarre and extreme zealotry that I witnessed), ignorant confirmation biases galore, magical thinking, inane "guidance" (from both the insipid publications and the psycho "leaders" - most of whom could barely speak English), the perpetually nosey and gossiping WD (who lived for that kind of stuff) and YEP (!!!!) the cast from "Looney Tunes" membership - ABSOLUTELY!
It's amazing how similar some of our "experiences" can be.
Congratulations on getting out. I saw some of your posts on another thread about potential "problems" with cult members after leaving. Cult member reactions vary widely (from minimal to high pressure to bring you back, depending on how much you were doing for the cult org. to begin with), but in the end, if you cut all ties and firmly tell them "NO", they shall eventually fade away. I'd like to add, that in my "experience", these people are not your friends and never really were. Gakkai cult members are simply incapable of remaining purely *just* friends with people who were once in but have left the cult org. (i.e., 'sleeping' members). They shall forever feel that it is their duty to Cousin Rufus and The Dear Leader to awaken you (which really means, to put you back to sleep ironically) if a chance arises (and one inevitably will).
Leaving the gakkai cult org. is, literally, your mind reawakening. Stay away from the hypnotic rituals (gongyo, magic chant), if you don't like what it does to you, and don't inhale the cult somnambulant anymore.
It's a whole 'nother world leaving the cult org. and freeing your mind. Educating and informing yourself are absolutely the keys; in doing so, you have so much to look forward to and I wish you all the success in the world. No more "sleeping", indeed.
- Hitch