Re: The Living Word Fellowship, The Walk, John Robert Stevens
Date: December 16, 2019 06:43PM
Thanks Puddington and Northerngater for validating that I actually made sense in my post on December 09, 2019 08:58PM
Re self nurturing and therapy.
It has been so long and hard to pull this crap together. After a long health battle I am emotionally and physically closer to a healthy goal. Cult Ed forum has been, gratefully, the opportunity to get the snap shots of the Walk out of my memory bank on to black and white words- has given me peace finally.
Norhtengatae, I have to LOL when you wrote, "..when I started writing and my friends and family were alerted. Suddenly, everyone thought I was writing about them and what they had done. It’s terrible, but I can laugh about it now!"
Similar happened to me, on a related Facebook page. I made the mistake of using the phrase, "in my book" meaning, in IMO, in my head, in my mind... One night I kept hearing the FB a constant annoying ding ding notification, but, I got no messages. The person who was trying to get my attention was not a "friend". Just because I have a notification on my lap top or my phone rings for phone call only. I do NOT ever have to stop what I'm doing - like trying to sleep because I was quite ill at the time- to answer any one. Legally 20 + constant alerts to a message is harassment. This person was out of control demanding that I answer questions about spying on the group to write the stories in my book."
When I figured out to connect with that person ( who could of had the courtesy to ask for a friend request in the first place) I felt viciously attacked me. then others jumped in with 'The Walk' paranoia - except for the 2 dozen people whom i had know all their lives.
This person thought I was not being transparent about my motives in the private group; collecting personal stories; 'hiding under a veil of secrecy'; knew my ex husband's family but did not remember me. All this person had to do was look at my personal page on FB or type my legal/ pen name in. One click to my personal page and she would have seen a photo of my late ex husband with our and our children. DUH! She accused me of lying about who I was. then others jumped in un-informed to "protect their privacy" when no one was saying much of anything except a few. OMG! I have laid my self open and vulnerable in order to get to the truth.
When I learned who this person was- that explained it all- I knew her family history and the community she grew up in. (Relates to my words on when, how where our parents and grandparents grew up in the Depression and WWII.)
For the public record: If I was a nasty person I could have inappropriately laid this person flat with her family history. "For the record" she wanted me to be so "transparent" but her user name did not ID her as who she was either- not explanation. ( Talk about lack of transparency! My name can be googled to read 1,000's of article I have written on-line.)
Her accusations to me privately and on the deleted conversation on the page were not helpful to the healing and growth of the group as she seemed to attempt to want to discredit me. that would have caused so much damage to those trying to figure stuff out like "should we stay or should we leave"? this person was not a troll like we see on the forum. ( Trolls are disruptive to the process of healing from a cult.) We survivors are responsible for our own healing that will happen in our time.
The FB attacks was very "Walk" like revealing this person's stage of recovery /not being ready to heal. She is simply at a different place than I am- and that is OK- except for the fact that there is no perfect place for any of us to keep updated on the TLWF and the king pin players. We are all at different emotional and awareness points in our lives. I can't control anyone else's behavior/ reactions - only my own. I dropped out from posting in a number of places for months - not from intimidation, but. to 'care for myself."
I tell the truth from my perspective. My perspective may not be exactly as another survivors saw the same thing or only heard rumors. My opinionated thoughts may not always be on target/ crystal clear/ as I 'explore What the F happened to us in TLWF/" as I process. I may blurt painful truths in a harsh way that triggers someone else. OUCH! some stuff is painfully hard to word nicey-nice and mindful of everyone as we all process 'What in hell happened?" and "where do we go from here?" is not a perfect process. Given the fact that not one of us survivors has a complete picture of the 'secrets'.
I hope that other forum members will ask any of us to clarify or consider looking at a different point of view when needed. Personally, I am open to a forum member, telling me to 're-think" ( As long as they accept my typos - disability related. Too bad there is limited time to edit.)
Writing fiction, based on our expertise, is a wonderful therapeutic way to control the outcomes and gain insights into personalities and options and consequences of dealing with fictional life situations. Of course, what we experienced in life and the trauma of The Living Word will have cross overs without depicting any one person. Of course, there will be coincidental actions of the fictional characters, simply because there are always patterns of behaviors. Some people may relate to fictional scenes - that is what holds the reader's attention. this does not mean a fictional character is biographical on any one person.
Hopefully, our fictional tales will bring new awareness, insight and desire to get safe and heal to the trauma of falling prey into someone else delusions. For us survivors in real life our real stories are far more complicated than a 200 page novel. Writing fiction fro therapy is not for everyone. Writing out the facts we know and our opinion we know on this forum is incredibly helpful therapy as it puts the memories on a much different page under a different light.
No one can un-do our past history. When writing, if you don't like the outcome- you have the power and control to change the story re-arrange the whole scenario. For me, writing fiction or my snarky blogs on family matters allows me to constantly educate my myself with facts VS being controlled under "the Living Word". Even if I trash a chapter, I have worked out a lot of things in my head - I can trigger my own flash backs, not purposely - but, I can control the outcome.
Onion, if I could sit in the tub of bubble bath with nice soap and not have to have to use my life alert button to have have fire men get me out of the tub, I would. LOL! So, I enjoy my body wash and stand in the shower for an extra long five minutes. - Thank you for the therapy suggestion of self nurturing. I used to think more than a 2 minute shower was a "sin", I suppose.