Thank you, Melissa. And thank you, Reepicheep.

I was around some people a few weeks ago who are still caught up in the religious, convincing deception being produced by former leaders like Hargrave and his minions. I am also exposed to a lot of political information that shows me how people are also still caught up in believing that the current President is a good Christian. And I am really burdened for these people. Change is hard. I pray for them to find answers so they stop providing energy to awful, self-serving men and women.

I'll repeat that. Change is hard.

All you have to do is listen to any of the thousands of stories of abused women who were afraid of the change necessary to escape abusive relationships. Or I guess we need look no further than our own stories of being caught in the TLWF trap for 20, 30, 40 years.

Change is hard. But change is GOOD. Making the hard steps, doing the work, is SO rewarding and opens the door to a future that continues to be rewarding and fulfilling on a daily basis. I hope all the caged birds recognize the open door and FLY. My wish for 2020.

Thank you, Onion--I agree.

I suppose this is the time that I wish my dear friends on this forum a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. However, there is something deeply bothering me, a practice (I think) a few of are guilty of, and I won't be at peace until I unload about it. Better doing it this year than carrying it into the new year. Realize my expression may be a bit brusque, but it is backed by a love and appreciation for each one of you. No need to be insecure:
No Wire Hangers, EVER!!!

Hi Reepicheep! Thank you for the depth of your thoughts.

Onion
I agree regarding the president. He has his own cult following. Bizarre irony how people tend to trade one abuser for another different kind. That’s the cycle I’m trying to break. I’ve kept to myself for about five years now. It’s been lonely but it certainly has de cluttered my mind from the noise so that I can hear my own thoughts and desires. Now I have to hang onto what I’ve learned without allowing it to be ripped away again!!

N O R T H E R N g


" I’ve kept to myself for about five years now. It’s been lonely but it certainly has de cluttered my mind from the noise so that I can hear my own thoughts and desires."

Spending alone-time (as long as it has a positive focus) is a very important component in re-setting and re-calibrating ourselves after having our paradigm crafted by someone else's mindset.

Hopefully your participation on this forum will help to make the next step in your healing less lonely. HAPPY Holidaze.

kBOY you said:
Spending alone-time (as long as it has a positive focus) is a very important component in re-setting and re-calibrating ourselves after having our paradigm crafted by someone else's mindset.

This is so true. I’m naturally and I unnaturally a loner. It comes natural as a writer and introvert. However, being alone because I feel the need to protect myself and don’t know how is very unnatural. Im working on listening to my heart in order to know when I need to be around people. Then...I am careful about who that will be!!!

Thanks for being you
Melissa Saulnier - NorthernGate

N O R T H g


"Im working on listening to my heart in order to know when I need to be around people. Then...I am careful about who that will be!!!"

ABSOLUTELY.

'Listening to my heart' is the most important component in any decision-making process, and can also be interpreted as a gut-feeling, intuition, etc. As much as we would like to dismiss 'feelings', because many of them can be negative, we are feeling-beings as much as we are thinking-beings.

Those indicators that seem to register in our body at critical junctures on our journey, come from a perspective much larger than we can either see or evaluate, and can oftentimes be in direct conflict with how our head (and our world) sees it. We decide to follow either or neither, which is still deciding something.

This especially applies in your case where the greatest impacts of relationships have been largely negative, which is all the more reason you would want to vet them carefully to see if they pass the LOVE-test. No LOVE, no access.

We are the ones in charge of our own inner-environmental-movement. That is not a responsibility we can shift to another. From here on out, we want all our relationships to be 'always a pleasure'.

Dear All,

First of all I want to wish everybody happy holidays. I wanted to say a big thanks to everybody on this group. We might have meet before or not but there is definitely one thing we can all connect, survivors from the hands of predators that believe they are above the law and speaking on God’s name.

I am Brazilian and my first contact with TLW was in 19080. My sister was looking for something more than our baptism church and started going there. During my first service I met Silas Esteves. He was 10 years older than me. Johns Stevens was still alive and the powerful message touched my heart. I was so happy thinking that I have found my home.

Silas went to the US for a period and when he came back he was considered by all the person closest to John, Rick Holbrook, Marilyn, Scott MacDonald and others that are mentioned here.

When he came back, he had a fiancée but we started a relationship. I was 17 years old and had zero sexual experience. We dated, we even got engaged and I was working to support him financially. Years later he had a vision and I was not good enough to be his wife, because he was already moving on to the next girl. I tried to killed myself during that period because I was not enough.

I kept my head determined to move forward and in 1989 I went to Shiloh for a period and later lived for 6 months with Ricky and Shannon at the famous Blix Street. I noticed Ricky escaping with Maria during the odd hours of the day, I saw the way he acted among young girls. I was older and completely in love with Silas Esteves, even though he was engaged to someone else. He kept me on the side and I was okay with that. I thought I was not enough and that because of his importance and connection with God and the leaders of TLW he needed more than one person to satisfy him.

Silas Esteves deserves to go to jail. He was an abuser before but after finding others that acted like him there was no stop. I remember one day when I was seriously worried about Rick and Maria relationship and Silas was touching me and saying that the relationship he had with Maria was normal, like a father, unique like the relationship he had with me.

Because of Silas Esteves I left my family, I could not had relationships with other people and started having panic attacks. When I told him I was not coming to the church anymore he was mad. probably because I know so many of the secrets and during one service he announced that I was not going to be a part of the church anymore but that he was certain I gave my best years to serve him. This phrase haunted me. I thought I was going to die, that I would be hit by a car because I left. I was terrified!

I read a lot of the posts and comments and because I was part of this so called “inner circle” as a consequence of my relationship with Silas I feel ashamed for not saying anything in the past. He basically isolated me and controlled every single aspect of my life.

The breaking point was when he decided I should get married to one elder, so I could move closer to his, and his wife Selma, at the time.

I knew about boys being sexuality assaulted by elders, girls being groomed and at that time i was powerless.

I am in Los Angeles visiting friends this holiday, my first trip after almost 20 years and memories came flooding in my head and one Google search about The Valley church opened up all the gates to this post.

This cult has to end and the people in charge cannot be allowed to live their rich life with the money they literally stolen from so many people. They should pay for making such a group of wonderful people, that truly believed were serving God, in misery.

Sorry for saying this today but I literally feel free to express my feelings and knowing you guys understand me.

Thank you for creating a place we’re whe can share experiences and get healed together.

Do you guys know where Shannon is? I remember she was married to Steve and had the affair with Rick, who moved on to Maria and later to Lorena whom when I met was a child!!

Dear PowerTrip,

My heart is breaking for you. Thank you so much for sharing these very painful experiences that not many in the U.S. churches were aware of. There really is no end to the abuse and exploitation of the wonderful people that kept these "powerful perverts" in business. It has to end.