Jan,
Part of the answer, for me, is simply the overwhelming amount of exposure, and what is does to your brain. It's not easy to shake off:
21 years of involvement, which included:
-attending approximately 4000 church services, meetings (elders meetings, young adult meetings, specially called meetings to find out why so and so is being disciplined/set out of the fellowship etc.)
-approximately 4000 hours maintaining churches/Kingdom facilities, a few leaders homes
-endless hours listening to audio tapes, reading This Weeks, interceding, admonishing ministries to go light on the alcohol, setting aside my religiosity and getting drunk with ministries--resulting in bolder and more insightful words from God to the sheep...
-raising a family and sustaining a marriage
-earning a decent income to facilitate the goals of the family, which included college educations (done)
All this takes a toll!

I think for some of us the hurt goes very deep. We came in by our own choice in our teens and 20's. These are very formative years for a young adult. We opened up deep. We swallowed the whole enchilada. Kids born into the LW mostly do not do this as strongly. And when it comes time to question their upbringing, I think a lot of them can walk away easier.

But those that chose the Walk. We thought we had found nirvana. We invested everything. I think that's why the hurt is deep and more difficult to heal from. But walk-born are hurt too.

It helps having this forum to talk things out. Especially the things I had buried deep inside me. Thank you all for listening and being here.

John knew how to sell his ministry. His charisma really drew people that were looking for something to fill the void in their heart. I believe there was some authenticity to what he did, which made him even more effective in linking people to himself. But eventually the power plays to consolidate his control over the walk, aided by ruthless people like Marilyn and Gary, undid what good intentions he may have had. Almost everything became a cause to go to war. As usual, the dutiful, servile congregant that believed they were being led by a word from God, paid the highest cost...emotionally, financially etc.
In retrospect, being asked to pray for the death of a leader's wife (or the spirit that moved through her...never could get that right)...should have been a red flag that something was amiss. That's been brought up many times in this forum, and rightfully so.
Insanity!

p.s. I think Oliver Stone would have enjoyed witnessing some of our intercession services.

I hope somebody will post here that were in the following churches: Knoxville Tennessee, Memphis Tennessee, Detroit Michigan, Houston Texas, Gainsville Florida, Cedar Key Florida, there are others too. I would like to know what eventually happend to the churches in these places, if they decided to break up, if some of them decided to drop out of Living Word and yet continue as churches, or what.

Great question Jan. For me I think the hold on my thought process is because I haven't thoroughly forgiven. I have my moments but under stress I lose it. A few years ago when I read factnet, I was blown away by the forgiveness of one of the LW posters (missing link I think was her screen name) and her resolve not to be bitter. I thought that's what I want.

I remember Ditch Digger Yasper recommended meditation (I think it's also called mindfulness these days) which I have tried but I have a hard time slowing down my mind or brain. But I want to keep at it as science tells us that too much stress does damage the brain but the brain has the ability to recover due to plasticity and apparently meditation can help with this as can calming herbal teas and certain medications. Folks who master meditation seem to live in the present and are not stuck or tormented by what happened in the past. (I learned some of that when my mom was aging.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/21/2015 01:55AM by lily rose.

I too have been pretty bitter. The thing that is making me snap out of it some, is the realization that I could not have possibly done things better than the leadership of the Living Word Fellowship. I was just as messed up because I was so full of myself that I thought I was the answer to everybody's problems. I think these guys think the same thing. I am coming to the conclusion that the current administration of the Walk is like the origional, they both think they know what is best for everybody, and they don't know that is arrogance. It will take a revelation of Jesus Christ to make them snap out of it. I have prayed they get that revelation and repent and see if they can undo some of the harm they did.

I have been told wrong or they are lying. I have been told that Marilyn sent out a word for most of the churches to California or the Shiloh area in Iowa. Their website says:

“In the 1990s, many congregants of the smaller churches and home meetings chose to relocate in order to attend the churches originally founded by John Robert Stevens. Since the mid-90s, the fellowship has focused on developing church communities that create an environment for the maturing of each believer in Christ.”

What do you all know about all of that?

"Their website says:
In the 1990s, many congregants of the smaller churches and home meetings chose to relocate in order to attend the churches originally founded by John Robert Stevens. Since the mid-90s, the fellowship has focused on developing church communities that create an environment for the maturing of each believer in Christ.”

So these decisions to relocate originated from the congregants?
And that is what prompted the sale of the smaller churches?

So these decisions to relocate originated from the congregants?
And that is what prompted the sale of the smaller churches?
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Changedagain, I don't know. I am saying what is on their website, or on one of them, on the history part. On many sites they say there were a hundred churches, I would say that it is more like fifty churches, including very small home meetings when JRS died. I would venture a guess that most of the people decided that the Walk was voer when John died.

I think more people left than went out to California to become part of the churches out there. I wish I knew if many of them stayed together and sought a relationship with Christ this time, instead of wanting John's spirit, perhaps they sought the Holy Spirit, and grew out of the idolatry.

I was part of the South Gate church for the last seven years of my time in TLWF. As you know, South Gate was the first church founded by John. About a year after I left, the church was sold. From what I recall during my tenure, most of the congregants were happy being rooted there. Also, the church had been paid off--so it wasn't under financial duress. Thus, it came as a surprise when I found out later it had been sold.