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vlinden
Ah, the late night spirit of cruel self-analysis has descended upon me again . . . must be due to Nutrino's Freud-laden post earlier demanding we all take a big uncomfortable look inside our dank inner caves . . .
I guess when I posted this thread I was thinking the same thing I'm still thinking, and I know my lesson lies here.
In a way, my unwillingness to see parts of my ex's personality/character, what have you, was not at all dissimilar to HIS refusal to take a good clear look at Landmark.
I wanted a very strong man in my life and there were many signs that he wasn't this strong man. But I pushed them away because I didn't want to see them, because there was so much good . . . sounds familiar on this board doesn't it . . . oh, but I "got value" out of the relationship . . . and I WANTED it, I wanted to be in love . . . and he wants to be . . . what? Guided? Helped? Controlled? Liberated? Dominated?
Whatever.
It's all self delusion. But that doesn't mean it won't work, for a while. He and I kept a fantasy going for 8 months, and it caused all sorts of very real experiences and consequences, but it couldn't last because it wasn't based on truth.
I don't think Landmark or "life coaching" will work for him in the end, either, but the damage has been done.
Good GOD I can't even stand the words "life coaching." How absurd. Life coaching!! Oh man . . . It's so . . . embarrassing . . .
My ex tells me he needs these things -- Landmarl, Life Coaches. It makes me think of someone who can walk perfectly well but insists on sitting in a wheel chair and getting pushed around by people. He, of course, does not see it this way. Hence our tragic end . . .
Sistah, here's the problem we both had.
We "fell in love."
And that brain activity mimics mental illness when we're in that state. We can't see any flaws. It's a drug...many, many of those in Recovery will attest to it.
But when it wears off...it's bad.
Real bad.
My supervisor and mentor saw what was going on and she gently said:
"I know you're in love. I can see it. I can hear it in your voice.
But you're gonna crash and burn, kiddo, and no matter how much I love you,
it'll happen and I'll help you pick up the pieces."
How right she was. Of course...she had a decade up on me as far as professional experience. What I've taken from this is a skill set to help clients.
It's a lecture on "intimacy," and what healthy intimacy entails.
Always brings down the house of 60+ people inpatient.
Vlinden, you're cool as hell in my book.
Please stay in touch.
BTW: I dunno anyone who does Freudian psychoanalysis anymore. I think people get the term confused with psychotherapy. Freud did indeed dig deep. Lost his jaw in the process. Changed his outlook on his groundbreaking theories near the end.
He's important, but only because he was the first one to grab the shovel. For better or worse. I can't find much practical use for the majority of his work though. There's the stuff most therapists will agree on...but his stuff is unfortunately mirrored by Dianetics.
I dug what Nutrino wrote, I did. A bit too esoteric, many leaps in logic...good prose. I'd have a character doing a monologue of that stuff in a screenplay I'm working on.