Your story about the man who committed suicide is what makes me shake myself out of my own head and really feel concern for my ex. But I know he just can't/won't hear me, so what can I do? I know he's fragile and I just hope to God he holds up through all of this. It's part of why I'm still talking to him at all.

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vlinden
Your story about the man who committed suicide is what makes me shake myself out of my own head and really feel concern for my ex. But I know he just can't/won't hear me, so what can I do? I know he's fragile and I just hope to God he holds up through all of this. It's part of why I'm still talking to him at all.

He was an adult, but he was just a confused kid. But he had the rights to make informed adult decisions as your ex does. They both just "chose" to ignore them. If you're over 18, you know what a waiver and a contract is, and ignorance is never a defense.

Having said that, I was able to (over the phone) bypass the mental illness thing. I faked symptoms and said how much I really wanted to sign up and could pay really quickly.

The people who did registrations were ready to look the other way like cops on the take.

But this...is all ancient history. A cursory google search provides all the info you need besides the company website that's talking loud but ain't sayin' nothin'.

Part of me has sympathy.

Part of me thanks God for Darwin.

Part of me has sympathy.

Part of me thanks God for Darwin.


I had to laugh at this. I've been having the same thought lately. And I have thanks that I'm someone who is clawing her way up the evolutionary cliffside one way or the other.

Yesterday I had a lot of email exchanges with me ex about Landmark. He said he was open to learning more about it, but that he just couldn't hear me on it before because I was angry and hurt. So apparently, if I am angry and hurt -- and he agrees I had reason -- I might as well go bang my head against a wall, because he just isn't going to listen to me.

Such great respect this man has for me! Such integrity! What authenticity! What true love!

So I sent him tons more Landmark info, threads from this board, as if he was a little boy and I have to do his homework for him.

This morning at around 5 am I wrote a letter to my ex, finally and totally ending it. Even the friendship. I couldn't sleep for thinking about how he's treated me through all of this. And in his letters to me yesterday he was taking so many liberties, in my opinion, that he didn't deserve -- talking to me the way he used to, being sexy, etc, but without any real emotional reaching out to me, or trying to healing what had taken place between us. It all made me kind of sick.

You, Vic-Luc, once said that it was pointless to continue the relationship, that I can never trust him again or his choices. This is true, and I take my friendships seriously as well. I need to have respect for the person and their choices, in general, and he has just lost so much of my respect through these weeks.

The problem is that we loved these people so deeply at one time, it just breaks our heart completely to lose the dream. But it was a dream. And there were parts of them we didn't want to look at too closely, and those were the parts Landmark snagged with their hook and dragged them away from us.

Anyway, I did a little meditation this morning on letting go. I have love and respect for the energies that brought this situation into being, and I have love and respect for the energies that are dissolving it now. And for whatever higher purpose in my life this relationship has served that I might not see yet.

I wish you well in healing from your lost relationship and moving on.

Dear V, am sorry you're going through this.

At least your ex knows RR.com is available. Like Motel 6, we will leave the light on whenever someone wants to come in.

But beyond letting people know about RR.com and the message board, I eventually learned not to do peoples homework for them.

When people are ready, they come here, hit the ground with both feet running, roll up their sleeves, read, read, read and do their own homework.

When they are not ready, someone will just argue in circles and all the URLs you provide will make no difference. Its heart breaking but there it is.

Trivializing your perspective (and heartbreak)by saying you're angry is classic.

Here is a list:

[www.butterfliesandwheels.com]



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2008 01:40AM by corboy.

Thanks, Corboy.

Ah, the late night spirit of cruel self-analysis has descended upon me again . . . must be due to Nutrino's Freud-laden post earlier demanding we all take a big uncomfortable look inside our dank inner caves . . .

I guess when I posted this thread I was thinking the same thing I'm still thinking, and I know my lesson lies here.

In a way, my unwillingness to see parts of my ex's personality/character, what have you, was not at all dissimilar to HIS refusal to take a good clear look at Landmark.

I wanted a very strong man in my life and there were many signs that he wasn't this strong man. But I pushed them away because I didn't want to see them, because there was so much good . . . sounds familiar on this board doesn't it . . . oh, but I "got value" out of the relationship . . . and I WANTED it, I wanted to be in love . . . and he wants to be . . . what? Guided? Helped? Controlled? Liberated? Dominated?

Whatever.

It's all self delusion. But that doesn't mean it won't work, for a while. He and I kept a fantasy going for 8 months, and it caused all sorts of very real experiences and consequences, but it couldn't last because it wasn't based on truth.

I don't think Landmark or "life coaching" will work for him in the end, either, but the damage has been done.

Good GOD I can't even stand the words "life coaching." How absurd. Life coaching!! Oh man . . . It's so . . . embarrassing . . .

My ex tells me he needs these things -- Landmarl, Life Coaches. It makes me think of someone who can walk perfectly well but insists on sitting in a wheel chair and getting pushed around by people. He, of course, does not see it this way. Hence our tragic end . . .

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vlinden
Ah, the late night spirit of cruel self-analysis has descended upon me again . . . must be due to Nutrino's Freud-laden post earlier demanding we all take a big uncomfortable look inside our dank inner caves . . .

I guess when I posted this thread I was thinking the same thing I'm still thinking, and I know my lesson lies here.

In a way, my unwillingness to see parts of my ex's personality/character, what have you, was not at all dissimilar to HIS refusal to take a good clear look at Landmark.

I wanted a very strong man in my life and there were many signs that he wasn't this strong man. But I pushed them away because I didn't want to see them, because there was so much good . . . sounds familiar on this board doesn't it . . . oh, but I "got value" out of the relationship . . . and I WANTED it, I wanted to be in love . . . and he wants to be . . . what? Guided? Helped? Controlled? Liberated? Dominated?

Whatever.

It's all self delusion. But that doesn't mean it won't work, for a while. He and I kept a fantasy going for 8 months, and it caused all sorts of very real experiences and consequences, but it couldn't last because it wasn't based on truth.

I don't think Landmark or "life coaching" will work for him in the end, either, but the damage has been done.

Good GOD I can't even stand the words "life coaching." How absurd. Life coaching!! Oh man . . . It's so . . . embarrassing . . .

My ex tells me he needs these things -- Landmarl, Life Coaches. It makes me think of someone who can walk perfectly well but insists on sitting in a wheel chair and getting pushed around by people. He, of course, does not see it this way. Hence our tragic end . . .

Sistah, here's the problem we both had.

We "fell in love."

And that brain activity mimics mental illness when we're in that state. We can't see any flaws. It's a drug...many, many of those in Recovery will attest to it.

But when it wears off...it's bad.

Real bad.

My supervisor and mentor saw what was going on and she gently said:
"I know you're in love. I can see it. I can hear it in your voice.
But you're gonna crash and burn, kiddo, and no matter how much I love you,
it'll happen and I'll help you pick up the pieces."

How right she was. Of course...she had a decade up on me as far as professional experience. What I've taken from this is a skill set to help clients.

It's a lecture on "intimacy," and what healthy intimacy entails.

Always brings down the house of 60+ people inpatient.

Vlinden, you're cool as hell in my book.

Please stay in touch.

BTW: I dunno anyone who does Freudian psychoanalysis anymore. I think people get the term confused with psychotherapy. Freud did indeed dig deep. Lost his jaw in the process. Changed his outlook on his groundbreaking theories near the end.

He's important, but only because he was the first one to grab the shovel. For better or worse. I can't find much practical use for the majority of his work though. There's the stuff most therapists will agree on...but his stuff is unfortunately mirrored by Dianetics.

I dug what Nutrino wrote, I did. A bit too esoteric, many leaps in logic...good prose. I'd have a character doing a monologue of that stuff in a screenplay I'm working on.

Sistah, here's the problem we both had.

We "fell in love."

And that brain activity mimics mental illness when we're in that state. We can't see any flaws. It's a drug...many, many of those in Recovery will attest to it.


I'll drink to that one. Mental illness indeed. I actually Googled "falling in love + chemicals " at one point, because I wanted to see what chemicals were being released into my blood stream. Why did I float down the street instead of walking? Why couldn't I sleep? Why didn't I care?? Because I was FLOODED with love chemicals, for eight months straight. I was a beaker!

Yes . . . he was my drug and my addiction, and I am in withdrawal right now. I've had the shakes pretty bad for a few weeks. And life don't look nowhere near as purdy as it used to. I don't know if I'll ever feel that way about anyone else again.

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vlinden
Sistah, here's the problem we both had.

We "fell in love."

And that brain activity mimics mental illness when we're in that state. We can't see any flaws. It's a drug...many, many of those in Recovery will attest to it.


I'll drink to that one. Mental illness indeed. I actually Googled "falling in love + chemicals " at one point, because I wanted to see what chemicals were being released into my blood stream. Why did I float down the street instead of walking? Why couldn't I sleep? Why didn't I care?? Because I was FLOODED with love chemicals, for eight months straight. I was a beaker!

Yes . . . he was my drug and my addiction, and I am in withdrawal right now. I've had the shakes pretty bad for a few weeks. And life don't look nowhere near as purdy as it used to. I don't know if I'll ever feel that way about anyone else again.

I guess that's what wrong with me. Mental illness. I still love and miss my wife. And I too don't know if I'll ever feel that way about anyone ever again.

PSI sucks!!!!!!!