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Painfuljourney
A TESTIMONY FROM ONE PASTOR TO ANOTHER

For many years, I was a part of what has been called “the Word of Faith” movement within the Charismatic Church. I was the ultimate junkie. I would spend my days and nights listening to faith teachers.

I was really extreme. Because I came out of a severe emotional breakdown I immersed myself in this world of the “Word of Faith” message.

It is true that God’s Word in our mouths produces mightily in our lives what He has promised in His Word for us. While there are many things that are correct in this “theology”, there are other things that I do not now believe are correct.

At that time, I was traveling around the world ministering, but inside I felt more and more dissatisfied. I see now that it was a “divine dissatisfaction”. I started praying in the Holy Spirit in the supernatural languages of tongues night and day. I was hungry for more. Somehow, I knew that there was something that I was missing.

So I started to eat the Word of God. What happened was that I began to change. God, by the Holy Spirit, started changing me profoundly from the inside out. And I wasn’t happy with most of the changes, either. It got to the place where I couldn’t just listen to the mixture being preached at conferences and church services anymore. You see, as a musician, I began to hear and recognize the sound of God’s voice and resonance in His Word. What I was hearing from the pulpits was something different. It didn’t have the same resonance and sound as the Master’s voice. What was even more troubling, what I was hearing preached and taught was sounding more and more skewed and twisted. The Bible majors on subjects like the cross, denying self, holiness, the fear of the Lord, consecration, love, purity, hell, and separation from the flesh and the world, missions, caring for the poor and needy, putting the gospel first and going into all the world to make disciples of the nations. It isn’t about joining a country club and living selfishly only for this life. It is all about the life to come. These subjects seemed to be avoided like the plague in the messages I was hearing.

Then God began to purge things out of me like the love of money, selfish ambition, and my desire to build a ministry “empire” down here on earth to impress everybody. Now, this became a big problem. Unfortunately, I had begun to live too high financially. I had to bring in thousands and thousands of dollars each month just to keep up and pay my bills. I had gotten myself into a financial trap because of greed and luxury. The financial “monster” had to be fed every month. I was exhausted, and was totally out of balance. Because of my gifts, I was merchandising the anointing. My family was neglected and my marriage was in trouble. I finally did something radical: I divorced money. I had been married to money. Money had ruled my life, not Yeshua. I was so beat up by ministry and all the abuse I had been through, that I had to quit it all. So I did.

Sadly, my wife could not divorce money with me. She had gotten used to the big house, the luxury cars, the nice neighborhood, not working, and all the perks which went with the upper middle class white-washed, “Christian faith culture”. Now, I realize that I was to blame in many areas for leading my family into that. But, I still needed help. I was really UNABLE to produce at that level anymore, no matter how much I wanted to do so. It was over, and that was that. She refused to go with me if it meant that I wouldn’t provide for her at the level she was used to. In other words, when I divorced money, she didn’t. Instead, our marriage failed. So, on top of the exhaustion, the depression, and my inability to travel and minister, I was forced to leave my wife, my children, and my home.

The Lord said to me, “You must leave. If you don’t, you are going to die and you will not fulfill your calling.”

I was broken hearted and completely hopeless in my soul. I felt like such a failure that I don’t even have the words to describe it. I did finally leave after a year and a half of trying to save my home and marriage. I felt abandoned and betrayed by God. I had pressed in and prayed, but instead of things getting better, my whole life was destroyed. Everything that I had loved and had meant anything to me at all had been ripped out of my life. I had totally failed, in my own estimation. Since that time, only by God’s mercies and grace, I have made a gradual uphill climb to restoration.

However, I am a completely different person. My priorities have totally changed. I still regret many mistakes and sins that I have done, but one thing is clear to me: God is the only One that I can say has kept me and not myself or anything I have done. You see, I quit the ministry or I should say that I tried to quit. God wouldn’t let me quit. He opened a huge door to Asia in May of 2004 through a wonderful man of God, Dr. Ernest Chan of Agape Renewal Center (www.agapecenter.net) and I have been back in ministry ever since. Actually, I never could totally quit. In my darkest time, still, the Lord would use me. Nevertheless, I was so angry at God! I didn’t even want to minister and the anointing was twice as powerful as before.

Now, according to my understanding before, the closer I got to God, and the more “faith” I had, the better and more victorious my life should be. But, my dilemma was, that the closer I got to God, the more my life got worse, and the less victory manifested around me. This was very hard for me to understand. The truth is, I still battle with depression almost daily. Why Lord? Must I suffer like this for the rest of my days?
I still believe firmly in healing, in prosperity, in victory and the abundant life that God promises in the Bible. But, I also see another side to things. First of all, we are called to follow the EXAMPLE of Jesus. From my reading of the New Testament, they all suffered with the Lord’s grace working mightily in and through them, IN SPITE of their suffering.

The Bible describes a completely different life than what all the faith teachers taught me. It isn’t a life of luxury. It isn’t about “becoming a better you”. It isn’t finding yourself, or getting more blessed, or more healed, or more fulfilled, or living with “a millionaire mentality”. That did NOT come from the Bible. My Bible reads exactly the opposite: Yeshua said, “Lose your life to find it. Deny yourself and forsake all and follow Me.” Paul says, I DIE daily so that Messiah can live in me. He rejoiced in all his suffering. He wasn’t delivered out of suffering. His anointing and obedience to God actually brought on more suffering. It did nothing to stop it. It seems the modern church’s goal for believers is to be happy, healthy, wealthy, comfortable, and to have a perfect life free from as much conflict and opposition as possible down here. The goal is to build a big empire down here with your wealth so that you can live like a king. Enjoy your life, be fulfilled, satiate every lust and desire and STILL go to heaven! Beloved, THAT is not what the Bible teaches. It is a false message. It can never conform you to Messiah’s image, because that isn’t the way He is.

I have total faith for God’s abundant life here on this earth. But, what is that abundant life? It is a total paradox, actually. It is a life of moment by moment obedience. It is a life of denying yourself, taking up your cross and following Yeshua. It is dying daily so that He can fully live in you. It is loving others more than yourself and sacrificing everything to express that love into your world. It is forgiving over and over even when you have been betrayed and broken, hurt and abused, abandoned and forsaken by those you love the most. When you live this way, everyone in your world can see that Yeshua is real, especially your enemies.

My dearly beloved brothers and sisters in Messiah, I have learned from my experience that this is the REAL Christian life. Any other is a counterfeit one. That is what the scriptures teach.

All my love in our Messiah!
Maurice Sklar [source->www.mauricesklar.com ]

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SeenTheLight
Does anyone know who this outside consultant is? Tony C. hired a consulting firm to revamp the image of RLc a few years back. Wouldn't it be interesting if Pastor Mike is using the same consultant? Worth looking into, I think...

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BraveHeart October 04, 2008 10:10PM
If you go back into the history of the church when EGCC before they changed its name to Radiant Life there was a old rustic Cross in the front of the worship area of the building.
Even the first Radiant Life Logo represented the 'worship and praise of the Lord'.
I believe that when a church becomes mainstream and commercial the first thing they loose is the Cross.

Now my other point, do any of you remember when Tony hired an outside 'public image consulting group' to come in and make recommendations to appeal to the public and improve the reputation of RLc?

That is when the Mantel of Praise was stopped from dancing in front of the church during the worship times and the new logo was unveiled. I remember one Friday Night Worship time Tony made reference to the group and publicly denounced what they said about the Mantel of Praise and invited the dancers back up on stage but that was about the last we ever saw of them dancing.

I find it very TWO FACED to Slander and Denounce a company publicly yet still hold fast to there many recommendations.

Your thoughts.....



There right LIFE CHANGE TODAY they just don't tell you that if you don't toe there party line it will be a negative change for you.

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Painfuljourney
A TESTIMONY FROM ONE PASTOR TO ANOTHER

Then God began to purge things out of me like the love of money, selfish ambition, and my desire to build a ministry “empire” down here on earth to impress everybody. Now, this became a big problem. Unfortunately, I had begun to live too high financially. I had to bring in thousands and thousands of dollars each month just to keep up and pay my bills. I had gotten myself into a financial trap because of greed and luxury. The financial “monster” had to be fed every month. I was exhausted, and was totally out of balance. Because of my gifts, I was merchandising the anointing. My family was neglected and my marriage was in trouble. I finally did something radical: I divorced money. I had been married to money. Money had ruled my life, not Yeshua. I was so beat up by ministry and all the abuse I had been through, that I had to quit it all. So I did.


Sadly, my wife could not divorce money with me. She had gotten used to the big house, the luxury cars, the nice neighborhood, not working, and all the perks which went with the upper middle class white-washed, “Christian faith culture”. Now, I realize that I was to blame in many areas for leading my family into that. But, I still needed help. I was really UNABLE to produce at that level anymore, no matter how much I wanted to do so. It was over, and that was that. She refused to go with me if it meant that I wouldn’t provide for her at the level she was used to. In other words, when I divorced money, she didn’t. Instead, our marriage failed. So, on top of the exhaustion, the depression, and my inability to travel and minister, I was forced to leave my wife, my children, and my home.

The Lord said to me, “You must leave. If you don’t, you are going to die and you will not fulfill your calling.”



Painfuljourney............I have sat on my comments to this for quite a few days. When I read the portions above it truly saddened me. It saddenned me for you and for your family. after seeing the manipulation and lies at Radiant Life it is so hard for me te beleive that the Lord would speak to you through your issue the way he did and tell you to eventually leave. This is the RLC and TPC mentality. When reading this I saw an extreme pattern that I also saw at RLC. A pattern handed down and encouraged by leaders. I saw an extreme selfishness. I don't know the specifics of your marriage and certainly would not want to get into it on this forum. But I can deal with the comments you have made above. It seems that you had an issue with money. I am not sure from your testimony whether it was the love of money or the love of things but that does not matter. It seems like God had a plan for you and changed your heart over time. You knew you had to divorce your obsession or compulsion. Then it was on to your wife. You built up a lifestyle that your wife was used to and she wouldnt let go. The selfishness part is that you wanted your wife to change on your time and terms. I don't know how much time you spent working it out but marriage is alot of work. I can tell you me and my wife have had similar issues and things never change on your own time or terms. I believe it is gods will to restore marriages not undo them. I did the same thing with my wife. God changed my heart and many things in my life. Then I wanted that change in her and when it didnt happen I got mad, we argued, we fought, and things basically did not go well. It took time to realize what I was doing was not right and that God did not want me to take off without my spouse. The words he spoke to me were much different that what he spoke to you. He said that he was patient with me because he loved me and that I should treat my wife the same way. I knew this was the real god speaking. Not the god of RLC or it seems TPC that says when things dont go your way or your spouse is not at the same place with God as you then Run, move on, they serve no purpose to you. The bottom line is if your spouse loved god and if not what better situation to be in than to be able to show God to her. fYour comment about "I was forced to leave my wife" is very troubling. The God that I know and read about I do not believe is the same God as yours.

It's a shame that I saw marriages crumble around me because of this attitude. No one wanted to get help from people with common sense or people who have had years of being married. They wanted to blow with their own wind and tell everyone that God told them. I think there was a great abuse of the voice of God from Tony to the leaders on down. The voice of God was used to justify just about anything without considering the nature of the Jesus of the New Testament. This was done to the extreme of what I have mentioned before.......giving a baby away, in addition to leaving a spouse. My parents were marriied for 50 years. They were much different from each other. While they were different they learned to live with each other. Their marriage was true because at the foundation was committment. A vow was struck and never let go of. What good is a vow if we dont keep it. Does god really establish the marriage vow to later come back and break it. As a result of God speaking to you is their great fruit in your life now from your traveling and ministering. Afterall that is what you wanted to do. Are the many that are being saved now as a result of you leaving your wife worth the casualty of your family.

I am sorry for being very blunt on this and I know you have been hurt. But in a portion of your testimony you are justifying leaving your wife for bigger and greater things and the allegation that God is behind it. I think you are very wrong and I think this mentality has broken up countless relationships at RLC. Maybe I should not have dealt with this on the general forum but the issue comes back to RLC and TPC leadership and what they have programmed people to believe.

Just remember just because God has changed something in you it doesnt give you a license to go and force change in other people. God will do his work in his time. This attitude severely affected my marriage because I was trying to force things on my wife. We are still married and doing very well. At the heart of the marriage is that we have a committed vow to be together and we are in it for each other. It is not always equal but the committment is there. Have you ever thought that maybe God wanted you to have the same patience with your wife that he had with you?

I am sorry if this has hurt you painfuljourney. I really wish the best for you and hope if anything is still salvageable with your family that you reconsider and work on it. In the end all we really have is God and our family. I wish you the best of luck and am sorry for using your testimony as an example of the absurdity at RLC and TPC. It is a mentality that seems to be built in at both places. It is indoctrinated from the top down. At RLC god seemed to be speaking to everyone, every day, every minute and things changed and conflicted by the day. One day god said go work at starbucks, then they woke up the next morning and god said go to school, then they woke up the next morning and god said go get a job, then they woke up the next morning and said if your parents keep bitching at you leave because they dont love me, then they woke up the next morning and god said.......on and on and on. This is all to the same person.

Happy Easter Day