And i am certain that parents agree that putting the burden on a child of having to save the child/being the new generation to save the world or whatever is pretty much the most inhumane thing possible you can do.

prob some people wondering if i am gonna tell my story...

you know what ill hold on to that for now, who knows what happens.


the short version sure:

jorn joins desteni, is a year on the farm

goes home, leaves desteni writes about desteni negatively

ignored for life

yay

Inside Desteni

Desteni is a group claiming to research oneness and equality and having done so with accessing the dimensions. Lets tackle those first terms immediately.

Oneness and Equality
Oneness and Equality within desteni is a coupled term where there is no equality without oneness or oneness without equality. It is a combined realization of not only being equal but being connected at the source together. The quality that we are equal as is life, life force and also being one with. You could say that the described term life within desteni is much like god to them.

Self-forgiveness and Self-honesty
Apparently Bernard Poolman could neutralize demons (specify them) with teaching people self-forgiveness. And those people that came to his property would crawl on the floor and try and apply this absurd method of exorcism with the narcissist self-proclaimed prophet Bernard. The words here are applying (self) forgiveness in (self) honesty. Apparently the adding of "self" to forgiveness and honesty is the only difference with these terms coming form the real world. It turns these words in something that is completely aimed at self as life as god. You get where I am going with this. You submit yourself as creator to whatever you have become. Which may not sound so bad, but it is. Life does not work that way. The standard terms forgiveness and honesty and the understanding of them is important. As forgiveness has nothing to do with guilt or even admission. And honesty is being trustworthy in context with others in a social context. No self-forgiveness is only about admission to yourself that you are solely responsible like a stone on your back that keeps on growing. The self-forgiveness mechanic is a cruel mental torturing machine that works opposite as to what it claims to do: de-programming. Self-honesty is nothing but a self-indulged removal of moral needed much to consume the material of desteni further.

Creation Story of Desteni
Desteni claims to through the so called "portal" bring a being called "jack" who is a old demon that desteni imported from Andrea Roshow to read history from the so called akashic records. This Akashic records has been called before by Helena Blavatsky and other sects and groups as to be a sort of undying library of the universe. Actually like a ether with unlimited access to all information. Desteni describes it more as a library that you can go to with books that are experiences you go through. Desteni does this throughout it's lifetime: tell a story from like a imaginative and simple first person perspective going through a world that is exactly like our own but in the dimensions. It is easier to understand and more childish as well(meaning stupid in this context). The content is reptilians and other races working together to create us earth which is beings trapped in by the reps created pseudo bodies that wont remember anything and recycle all the beings of different races indefinitely. You know, i do like a good story and imagination and hallucinations must come from somewhere. But to rationally put something together with reason, logic contemplation. That is a whole different story. Anything can be useful if you do that successfully. Desteni however does not, not in anything they do. A messy blur that can't be followed logically, it is snippets and little this and that's with no real connection, no follow through. The story just pricks you with different interesting sounding subjects and details without connecting anything logically. The words are all "purified" to a form that is directed from and to "self".

Self of Desteni
Self of desteni is truly magical, it is not the one you have seen on psychological charts. Maybe it is but in desteni, self is this thing you have to take responsibility for and become honest as. A impossible task that will last beyond forever. Anything that you put self for in desteni context as that is what much of the "desteni language" pertains to becomes something that you are less as. Something you submit to as being as lesser than and that you have to become eqaul to in a process described already of self-forgiveness and self-honesty. Self-honesty is reduced as simply admission of being less than whatever is presented as self is yet to be birthed as life from the physical and is thus not yet equal to anything and thus less than anything in existence.

Dimensions

Oh, I didn't explain the dimensions, well that is just it. It isn't. dimensions are a virtual term just like a matrix is virtual it is just concept of a lattice that in itself remains unexplained within the matrix movie as within desteni with their "dimensions". so a ?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/07/2023 04:14PM by vizix.

Cleaned up this write up a bit. Life is hard you without TT you know.

Inside Desteni

Desteni is a group claiming to research oneness and equality and having done so with accessing the dimensions. I was involved with these group 12 years ago. Lets tackle some of those terms immediately.

Oneness and Equality
Oneness and Equality within desteni is a coupled term where there is no equality without oneness or oneness without equality. It is a combined realization of not only being equal but being connected at the source together. The quality that we are equal as is life, life force and also being one with. You could say that the described term life within desteni is much like god to them.

Self-forgiveness and Self-honesty
Apparently Bernard Poolman could neutralize demons (specify them) with teaching people self-forgiveness. And those people that came to his property would crawl on the floor and try and apply this absurd method of exorcism with the narcissist self-proclaimed prophet Bernard. The words here are applying (self) forgiveness in (self) honesty. Apparently the adding of “self” to forgiveness and honesty is the only difference with these terms coming from the real world. It turns these words in something that is completely aimed at self as life as god. You get where I am going with this. You submit yourself as creator to whatever you have become. Which may not sound so bad, but it is. Life does not work that way. The standard terms forgiveness and honesty and the understanding of them is important. As forgiveness has nothing to do with guilt or even admission. And honesty is being trustworthy in context with others in a social context. No, self-forgiveness is only about admission to yourself that you are solely responsible like a stone on your back that keeps on growing. The self-forgiveness mechanic is a cruel mental torturing machine that works opposite as to what it claims to do: de-programming. Self-honesty is nothing but a self-indulged removal of moral needed much to consume the material of desteni further.

Creation Story of Desteni
Desteni claims to through the so called “portal” bring a being called “jack” who is a old demon that desteni imported from Andrea Roshow to read history from the so called Akashic records. This Akashic records has been called before by Helena Blavatsky and other sects and groups as to be a sort of undying library of the universe. Actually like some kind of magical ether with unlimited access to all information(much like “the matrix” the movie). Desteni describes it more as a library that you can go to with books that are experiences you go through. Desteni does this throughout its lifetime: tell a story from like a imaginative and simple first person perspective going through a world that is exactly like our own but in the dimensions. It is easier to understand and more childish as well(meaning stupid in this context). The content is reptilians and other races working together to create us earth which is beings trapped in by the reps created pseudo bodies that wont remember anything and recycle all the beings of different races indefinitely. You know, I do like a good story and imagination and hallucinations must come from somewhere. But to rationally put something together with reason and logical contemplation. That is a whole different story. Anything can be useful if you do that successfully. Desteni however does not, not in anything they do. A messy blur that can’t be followed logically, it is snippets and little this and that’s with no real connection, no follow through. The story just pricks you with different interesting sounding subjects and details without connecting anything logically. The words are all “purified” to a form that is directed from and to “self”.

Self of Desteni
Self of desteni is truly magical, it is not the one you have seen on psychological charts. Maybe it is, but in desteni “self” is this thing you have to take responsibility for and become honest as. An impossible task that will last beyond forever. Anything that you put self for in desteni context as that is what much of the “desteni language” pertains to becomes something that you are less as. Something you submit to as being as lesser than and that you have to become equal to in a process described already of self-forgiveness and self-honesty. Self-honesty is reduced as simply admission of being less than whatever is presented as self is yet to be birthed as life from the physical and is thus not yet equal to anything and thus less than everything in existence.

Dimensions
Oh, I didn’t explain the dimensions, well that is just it. It isn’t. dimensions are a term for something virtual just like a matrix is a concept, within mathematics not reality, of a lattice that in itself remains unexplained within the matrix the movie as within desteni with their “dimensions”. so a ?

How come I joined Desteni if I am so critical about it now?

This is something that can maybe invite you to understand how someone joins a cult through me. It is different for others maybe.

Before desteni I had a lot of experiences already I was 25. I didn’t feel lonely or depressed or anything like that. However I was a fan of things like the x-files and anything that is on the fringe. Also the matrix the movie to some extent. Things like “the truth is out there” and “know thyself” are what stand out from those entertainment movies/series.

The desire to know something outside of self is unquenchable, so is the search for truth. That is also the beauty of those things. Like self realization/actualization in a absolute sense is impossible, but you can of course become more aware or have realizations or in some extend realize things about yourself or actualize your potential as an individual. It is a endless process. And when are you satisfied with that? That depends also on circumstance. For example necessity plays a important role in that, like Ghandi stood up for India against Great Britain by not buying clothes that were being sold back to them made from their cotton. The spinning wheel is also a symbol of their independence. And for a man in history it is truly astonishing what he as an individual accomplished.

The self-realization/self-actualization the segment of the pyramid of Mazlow is also what desteni and TT operate on as a business. Desteni had for example in my time 13 years ago the carrot on the stick that you could become free in 7 days of focusing on breathing not allowing the mind to take over. It is funny to think back about, like free of what? It is a sort of trap that ensures that you are thinking of yourself of not free now. Freedom is there within limitations anyway, absolute freedom is useless.

So the way I stood in the world at the time when joining desteni was very much searching. For that edge, a type of desire that desteni eagerly uses to recruit its members. Lots of the members of the time have that sense of wonder and interest in either enlightenment, freedom or superior understanding of how the world works, how life works. It is also natural to wonder like a child does, at a younger age putting things in your mind and later in life it becomes a mental acquisition to find something truly new and exiting. Desteni uses that within us all to lure in people to become the better version of themselves and there are many companies, cults, groups, people that use that. For me the line is crossed when it becomes a type of selling an idea that claims to surpass and is the only real solution to what you are looking for. And doing that without any real basis. For example desteni claims to have the only portal in existence, it becomes then a point of authority on the subject. And imo abuses that authority. However what is the real problem especially looking back at desteni is that it is not about some portal or some supernatural perspective, but about a human being that explains to you something in plain language in a way that you can understand. In a way that you can actually use it. Even though the illusion is there within desteni language and propagation of the “portal” interviews that is in simple language, the real needle is in how that story of desteni and the creation of human beings according to desteni lore is tainted. By that I mean that the beginning already where the reptilians enslave and trap other beings. For me the escape of this sick fantasy was to beat desteni in their own fantasy logic by just the fact how they demonize the reptilians and their contraption to become some ultimate thing to defeat that only they can do. And that you have to be grateful for that they do, this was literally what they said to us at the desteni farm 13 years ago.

Escape of the desteni tainted fantasy is easy, no intelligent being would trap or dominate you. Reason being is they are intelligent, proud and whole if they are truly a race on their own and they would rather die then mess with some other race understanding the other race as being proud and whole. That just doesn’t make sense in the desteni story. You don’t end up with such a beautiful deep and endlessly complex creation from some kind of cunt.

Back to my mindset before I joined desteni, well as I said simply searching for that type of all in answer to everything. I know it sounds immature, but when you are in that mindset you don’t see that this simple mechanic is at work. I look back at myself without shame and see that now, but there is a clear difference in understanding something intellectually, so knowing about it, and practicing and doing something without really thinking about what you are doing. And at time I wasn’t analyzing or suspecting anything. I was finding out for real and fully without thinking about much of the more sinister possibilities I could be involved in. And for a large part life on the farm and the beginnings of Desteni seem very innocent.

However looking back now, knowing what I know, that Bernard Poolman was doing the same thing back in 2000 already as what they are doing now with TT having already set up a business with genius in the name which they have a whole tantrum about in TT claiming that this software is able to train children to genius level it was sinister, just not shown at that time and not apparent without looking into it. And then to think that it is just a piece of software that flashes something on the screen. The only thing that sell it is the sales pitch and mountains of fortune it claims to produce. And with regards to desteni, the SRA program in their terms meaning “structural resonance alignment” course was already set up as a MLM or pyramid scheme. So exactly like TT where people involved become endorsers and sellers of the product. In the end little for themselves in terms of actual revenue and more for the top of the MLM layer.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/11/2023 07:42PM by vizix.

Sense of Self of Bernard Poolman

So I don't know everything about B, and I am expressing my view, my opinion on this matter.

Since I am calling B a narcissist and I use that term after much looking into this and also having first hand experience of building up my self esteem and sense of self I know about this a little too. I am talking about everything to do with the perception of yourself. And in this context I wanna talk about the perception of yourself mainly in terms of values like honesty, integrity justice and the perception or view of the world. Both experience of and with other people determine a large part of how someone views core values. In B's case he had a sister that was admitted into a psych ward which B claimed was fine and his relationship with his mother ended at that point and with his brother was severely damaged.

The reason being that his mother didn't tell him about the admission of his sister. An experience that is so difficult that it has set up the main anti character of B and a endless quest to find and to redefine and reinvent words like honesty and trust and responsibility. All words to do with how a human being should operate, an obsession, a fantastical delusion and for B reality created around that experience; To right a wrong that he has experienced and has not come back from mentally/psychologically. Another part of your view and perception of your self, so your self image, relies on your view of the world. Which is again experience in a broader sense, of society and so on.

B was now much older, more experienced and successful in terms of having made it as a police detective. B told on the farm about his experience as a cop and what stood out to me is that he use mediums, divination at some point to "help" with his work as a detective. It didn't surprise me when B said that it wasn't very effective. A lot can be extracted from this again, you don't undercut your colleague's by using some kind of medium period. But already B didn't really care about that in regards to others. It shows a glaringly obvious lack of sense of self that is already affecting his behavior in a social-professional context. Back to the divination, you have problems when you use this in detective work period. You, only for that need counseling with a psychologist just for that and maybe change careers.

Let us leave it there, because the next event I want to get to is this one: B got told by a spirit that he should quit his job or he would die on the job that day. And he did. To many this might simply sound absurd, he is mentally ill clearly. It could be yes. On the other hand I keep the options open here and let us say that the difficulty on his job had created so much stress that his mind at some point sharply informed him that he needed to stop. So a small break of the psyche, although it could be throwing a peek as well into the "normality" of B and dealing with "others" or beings. Back to B and his freshly decision of quitting his job, it must in some way felt like a relief. In many ways the police jobs just wasn't scratching his itch. Which is as someone with a already diminished sense of self through his traumatic experiences of the past to find something to create that self worth again. In reality B already at this point was very far into the shit when it comes to recovering himself and imo could not do that alone anymore.

So throughout from the little coaching to the taking of some little piece of software and selling it for a fortune B is swindling person after person around his finger. And this is something to not. Someone with a big ego is often easy to spot as the person will quite often boste or show his self importance. A low sense of self however is much more difficult as there is something hidden rather that something that shows on his own. And that hiding B has become very good at. From himself and from others as wel. Underneath the seemingly smart talk and articulate way of speaking, there was a man already determined to make sure he got his justice, and his value out to the world that was sick. The problem with that is you never get there with him, he will not show that true nature to anyone. Maybe also that in some way he knows it is sick or at least could be interpreted that way. And it is, sick.

Many things that B did before desteni are hardly ever talked about, because they wreak of fantastical ideas about him defeating demons with his obsession around forgiveness(understandable knowing he never forgave his mother) calling it self-forgiveness and professing that it can cast out demons, no! That it is the only way to permanently get rid of them.

He a started mediation group with the use of a hard drug called xtc. What xtc does is the reward chemicals that are normally released by your brain in small quantities get released at once. It creates a overwhelming feeling of euphoria and happiness. The thing with xtc is that it uses a reservoir of chemicals stored in your brain. The effects diminish and after much use can lead to brain damage. Another thing that I have notices personally having seen and heard experiencers of this drug is that it can create a kind of short temper and other mood related issues. Anger, pains and other mental problems from continued use. Something I have seen with B throughout my experience on the farm, he would sometimes just fall to one knee, panting and complaining about pain and all of that. These physical pains imo are also a clear sign of his mental health state and an outflow of that physically instead of what B claimed to be because he had connected all the points of reality into his body. Not even sure how he described it but you get the gist.

B constantly kept people down, by not explaining things fully keeping them in the dark just enough to be the light in some ways to give them something to go on. Starving someone mentally and then throwing in some bone. It is easy because the subject desteni is into is the mind. And a lot of it is unknown, although more known then I think B or anyone at desteni is aware of. Nevertheless it can be used as a unknown that you claim something about from a point of authority. Be it life experience or a "portal" these are points of authority. I think and I have not talked about this, but B used to go to cerise's grandfather who was a deeptrance medium a lot. He would sit there getting answers from beings and just being fascinated by that. And personally I think that he used this trans-state and or hypnotism on susan spies(aka the portal) to groom her and prepare her mentally to eventually lead up to the out of body experience susan had(with or without drugs I still wonder). On the farm B would when asked a question usually have a pointy or crafty way to divert the conversation to go about you.

This kind of threat came from him that he knew more about you the he did. He knew how to play that game well, but when it came down to it he had nothing, however showing of his real emotions and some normalcy in terms of personality where far gone from this point. The drive of creating all this content of desteni and himself was not because he cared so much about life or saving the world but to compensate and to give worth to himself, placement in the world the way he wanted. The problem with this is that the desire to do so is unquenchable and in fact wil never be enough to give self worth as the only thing that happens is that after having some power and control it will lead to a further suppression of true self; of the core of the self that will not go away which everything else is based on: the past, the repressed emotions and unprocessed psychological trauma. A grandiose person is created by B that defeated the devil and even managed to beat the creator itself.

For now that is my insights on B. Thank you for reading.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/16/2023 03:14PM by vizix.

Quite a few of my old blog posts on desteni you can read here:

[jornvincehardus.wordpress.com]

And for those gone through Desteni having been told to ignore me like all destonions did when I really needed an ear. Or for those having gone through a cult on their grit or maybe just skimmed it... some words.

Self-honest, tell me about it. You know, have I gone through that. Not only from desteni, but going through a psychosis and recovering from that for years. But I did you know, a human being can take a lot and recover. I know that. And sometimes a human being can't recover.

But it is for you to go for it and in that I have more to say. Own that dirt. Sit in it. You went through shit, you were shit, you were shit to others? So what, what now? How are you going to handle it, not how are you going to remove it.

Shew on that.

Ok ignore the first one, I made 2 files, should cover most of many speakers btw. It is a bit of a mess but yeah.
[drive.google.com]
[drive.google.com]

this is the thread:
[www.reddit.com]