I have spent a few months on this forum reading the Butler thread as well as contributing. I am done exposing the unhealthy side of SoI.
I would like to share my personal story journey and I think many can relate.
My story is not for the sceptics. So I kindly ask those who have not had similar experiences, to not dismiss ours. And please do not try to debunk them.
I know I am not the only one because many of my friends shared similar stories.
I absolutely respect your views as well as your journey in that complex covert cult.
I was led to the Science of Identity foundation (offshoot of Iskcon) by greater forces that gave my heart the green light. A very strong confirmation that he the guru was genuine.
I have always been an extremely AWAKE child and very connected to the divine. While other kids played with dolls, I was interesed in much bigger questions and would always speak to “God” as though he was my friend.
At age 12 the seed of the theory of reincarnation was planted into my inquisitive mind and it became a huge piece of the puzzle that I wanted to put together. I had also always been attracted to ashram life. Leaving away from society.
I first found out about Krishna Consciousness in a Woody Allen movie: Hannah and her sisters.
Few years later when I was visiting Los Angeles, I heard a group of people at Venice Beach chanting the names of Krishna. I jockingly shouted “Hare Krishna”!
One guy ran toward me and said “We are not with them!” (meaning Iskcon) and handed me a flyer inviting me to the gathering. I later realized that they were Butler’s disciples and students.
At that time I had more material ambitions annd threw the invtation in the garbage right away and got on with my life.
6 years later, I was led to find an attractive meditation brochure in a health food store. The classes were supposed to be about Mantra meditation,Reincarnation, why we suffer....
So I go there and I cannot tell you my surprise when I heard the Hare Krishna Mantra again.
I went to a few classes and bought a chanting tape. Every single time I went to the class, I would get invited to the Sunday gatherings.
It took me a few months to finally go to a Sunday gathering. One of his Elite disciples and preachers of SoI happened to be there.
I was immediately hooked.
It was held at a nice house. The people were all glooming, looked happy and “normal”.
The highlight of my first evening was listening to a lecture by Butler.
It was the usual 80’s tapes. A cute looking guru, with a sense of humor who imparted some spiritual knowledge that really resonated with me.
I believe what I felt for him was the guru version of love at first sight.
I gradually gratuated from “new person” to “serious student”.
Once I entered the other side, the love bombing turned into tough love and I saw an uglier side of the group.
The fact that I dismissed the red flags: secrecy, fear, emotional abuse and anger from his disciple, is all because a strong “Divine” force kept gifting me over the top supernatural synchronicities as well as making me feel an immense transcental love for the guru. A connection I had never felt in my life without even seeing him in person.
I thought I had finally met God in person (A beautiful, playful, loving being)and his representative as well as THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
That my dream of following Jesus was now a reality. And this was the modern version of being a Jesus follower.
Jesus walked on water, Butler walks on sand!
Jesus fought demons, Butler fought homosexuals!
All I can say is that I do not consider myself a person who gets easily brainwashed.
I am not sure why I was led to a semi coherant kind teacher, semi narcissistic, hypochondriac germaphopbe.
This is my story and I guess that every single person has their own mystical stories.
What I shared here is a very diluted version because my experiences are too personal and way too supernatural.
But I can tell you that we do not casually land on planet Butler by accident.
We do not stay either solely via manipulation but the same mystical bread crumbs experiences keep us hostage for years.
My personal journey with the science of identity is a spiritual version of the Truman show. Events that I could never explain to others nor to myself.
My life has been much worse when I left the covert cult. Those miserable divinely orchestrated situations usually pushes people to go back after 10 years of absence.
You fooled me once....! Sorry! Never again!
I thought it was important to discuss the “mystical” synchronicities and events that pushed many of us “adults” into the SoI. We did not “lightly” accept him to be a Moses, Jesus, Mohammed...
I trusted the invisible hands that brought me to him. How could anyone doubt or resist the beautiful and supernatural phenomenons?
I share my story so that people understand that there are much greater forces at play than a cult (trauma bonding)dynamics at times.
If this subject is not appropriate for this forum. I guess it was not meant to be discussed.