Date: November 30, 2017 06:07AM
Don't be fooled by Dr Greg Baer's 'Real Love' Coaching program to teach you how to be unconditionally loving. After learning first-hand and immersing myself in this organisation I can safely state at the end of 6 months, the same as I stated at the beginning that it is most definitely a cult. It ticks every box. Is very clever and deceptive in many ways. It is disguised as a 'coaching company' and cloaked in the façade of being a 'charity' but in reality it is neither any of these.
The organisation I am referring to is from America, and has been set up in the UK - so the activities I refer to are all happening over here. It is called 'Real Love' and was developed by former eye surgeon Dr Greg Baer. He has written several published books on his 'program' or 'principles' for learning how to be 'unconditionally loving'. However, the play of words he uses in the books distorts RealLove with 'real' 'love' and for people who are vulnerable they will potentially not be able to see through the distortion. For example one of his sayings is..
"With Real Love, nothing else matters; without it, nothing else is enough". What this is saying is that the RL program (trademark registered etc.) is what 'real' 'love' is and what we cannot live without. However, when you state the sentence without seeing them written you would agree, not knowing what it was actually referring to. These types of clever statements are rife in all the books. Everything anyone talks about in a group or over the phone is immediately referred to one of Greg's one-liners. This man has made so many over-arching broad sweeping statements and claims - none of which can be backed up, yet they are all whole heartedly believed to be true by all the followers in RealLove.
This is because it is stated that not a single person in the whole world knows what real love is, and the only people who do know are the 'RealLove' people, and it is only they, and ONLY they who can show you what it really is.
Everyone not doing RealLove is somehow perceived as being insane, a victim, in anger, in fear and living a life of lies. Only those doing RealLove are somehow doing the love and unconditional love thing properly. They state that love comes in buckets - every human has a bucket of love. Love runs out, via holes in the bucket and from being given away. Therefore we become 'empty' of love. So we then have to go to a coach or 'daddy' from RealLove who can 'love us' and therefore top up our empty buckets. Only they know how to love us properly, because everyone not doing RealLove is only being conditional and not genuine in how they express their love, kindness, compassion etc.
Until you have 'experienced' the real thing from a coach/daddy then you don't know what real love is. You pay for a 'daddy' and/or a 'mummy' who will love you unconditionally and whom you can call anytime. Using Greg's process of 'Truth > Seen > Accepted > Loved' process, people will tell the truth about something they said, did or thought to their daddy, which means that they have been seen, and in turn because the daddy will not reject or criticise them this means that they have been accepted and therefore loved. This process fills up the empty buckets. (However, I feel that this is the exact same process of counselling and psychotherapy, as I went through this process after having a complete mental breakdown several years ago). But, seeing as Greg says that no one in the whole world (yes! the whole world!!), knows what proper 'real' 'love' is and have never felt it or received it before only they can give this love to people. Greg believes we all have a mental condition called PCSD (Post Childhood Stress Disorder) which everyone doing RealLove, and not doing RealLove is diagnosed with having. Similar to PTSD. So, because our real parents didn't love us properly we are all diagnosed as being just 2 or 3 year olds who are seeking that love our parents didn't give us. What people have to do, is to submit to being 'held'. This process is laying down in the arms of a coach/daddy and being held like a baby and kissed relentlessly and cuddled and nursed like a baby. Apparently we need lots of this to learn how to be loved, and once we know how to be loved, we'll be allowed to give our love to others ...... one day!
Marriages and relationships are broken up. People are told when they can or cannot go dating. All people doing RealLove want anyone they meet to do it too, or feel that they cannot meet anyone outside of RealLove, because they will be damaged by outside people who don't know how to love properly, are fake and only love conditionally etc...
Upon submitting to the having of a mummy and/or daddy (aka coach) people are suggested to relinquish their own parents, who parented everyone wrongly and didn't really love them properly, and instead they are replaced with an 'emotional dad' or 'emotional mum' who takes on that role for them as a parent loving the adult properly. People are also advised to relinquish their own children, friends, work colleages and anyone else. Those doing RealLove therefore become their own little family - all safe and sound. I have seen people who really should be under the care of Mental Health Services being pulled into this organisation and literally mentally being a child and seeing their coach as their real daddy and acting and behaving all childlike. They need proper care by trained professionals. When I joined the facebook secret page (which I have been defriended from, thank God) I gave out some kind and thoughtful suggestions to help people heal. However, I was scolded about this. They didn't want to 'frighten anyone away'. They clearly did not refer people to get proper help, but wanted instead to contain the weak and emotionally vulnerable so that they could keep them under their guard. In fact noting except Greg quotes or videos was allowed to be suggested on this page.
If anyone questions Greg and his teachings people immediately come to his defence, shut up and/or walk away and will not discuss anything. He is like a god or divine leader to them - they worship him even though they don't realise they are.
The sneaky thing is that this PCSD condition has not been recognised as a bona fide condition in the states, and never will be. Greg admits this in his book on the condition. He states that they are not psychologists, when what they are doing is clearly psychological work. When people sign up they go through what is called an 'Intervention' which involves a whole weekend of being fully psychologically profiled and every deep emotional wound is pulled out of people - and a whole lot more. This costs a lot of money. This is also where people are requested to separate or break up too. But sneakily, these are only 'suggestions' because everyone keeps being told that they get to choose, the choice is always theirs. However, no one goes against the suggestions - they are all convinced that they made the decision. Further, if they don't follow suggestions they are told that they "are not taking RealLove seriously" or that they do not care enough about themselves, that they will not heal, that they will always and forever be wounded and never find real love, or unconditional love and will only keep repeating all the past bad experiences. That of course is enough for people to obey all they are told to do. I am concerned about people who are not trained psychologists doing such deep psychological work - even though what they are preaching (the PCSD) is their own made up stuff and therefore by not being acknowledged it is not real psychology so therefore they are not breaking the law. Get my drift? It is very cleverly worked out.
In the UK, as in the states, RealLove is registered as a charity. However, they do not do any bona fide charitable work. The only charity that they do give is to certain members of RealLove who are financially dependant (on benefits etc.) and cannot afford to pay the extortionate costs involved. This does not happen often though. They also fundraise. The front of the organisation sells itself as a Coaching program. However, it is not looking like a bona fide coaching program to me. There is no set of specific factors which will be determined, a plan drawn up, a set of time worked out, and a set cost defined. There is no end to RealLove. No one seems to get out. No one seems to get healed and healthy. The program is ongoing. Greg has morphed the concept of our life journey (obstacles, storms, learning) with our emotional wounds from life experiences and melded them into one 'lifelong journey' where our wounds will not be healed. Although I have stated to people in RealLove that our journey is forever, but our wounds do get healed - they do not believe this. Because Greg says ....
There is big money for the Intervention, big money for the annual fees for a daddy/mummy/coach, a fee for Gregs video chats, fees for the annual '12 month program' (which happens every year, and is just Greg's principles pushed and pushed and pushed), there is big money for the weekend or day long courses and workshops too! Small money for attendance to groups, plus the urge to fund raise too.
At some point people are told to go shopping for a religion. Another source of love to add to that of their daddy. Most RealLove adherents turn to joining the Mormons - because Greg is a Mormon, and because the principles of RealLove align most beautifully with Mormonism. I believe Greg might be the biggest recruiter of new Mormons by the sounds of things!
People in RealLove are requested to hug people tightly and for a longer period than necessary as well as to stare deeply into people's eyes. Both are a bit disconcerting as they fall out of ordinary acceptable behaviours.
People in RealLove are required to immerse themselves into all the RealLove materials as much as possible (to the exclusion of anything else). This means books, videos, chats, phone calls, conference calls, 12-month programs, courses, and anything and everything that Greg says or does. The narrow-mindedness that this creates in the people I know that are involved in this is quite scary. I feel that they are trapped in something and are too blind to see or hear what they are saying or doing. In fact they believe that I am in pain, suffering, hurting, and are insane. In fact, when I said (many times actually) that I did not want to do RealLove I was told in no uncertain terms that I would be unhappy for the rest of my life, always meet the wrong people and would never find real love. It hurts to hear that being said. I have also been told that I 'need a daddy' that 'I need to learn to receive love properly' from a daddy, and that when, and only the daddy says so will I be 'allowed' to date someone (who of course they will choose for me!). I have always been insulted and unimpressed by this. Love is felt in the giving, love is received in the giving. It is not something you buy from someone, or that some people have more of than others, or that some people know how to do properly and others don't. The RealLove way is a defined set of principles devised by one man, and does not constitute what real love is or does in the world - despite him telling us that RealLove is the only source of 'real' 'love'.
I could go on and on and on, but I will stop here. The front of it looks okay - the websites etc. Going to a group session, is okay to a point but most people run when they see the 'holding' process happening. Getting signed up changes everything - and that is when the true nature of this organisation comes out in full.
This organisation is creepy to say the least. It is very devious and plays on the broken hearts and minds of people who are enormously confused, hurt, sad, broken, weak and vulnerable emotionally. When we are like this our minds are like a little child's and so we are 'open' to suggestion and manipulation. This is the best type of candidate for RealLove, as the long 'slow poach' by people in RL leads to fully brainwashed adherents who know not what they are saying and doing - just following Greg blindly and ruining their lives, but believing that he is healing them.
Lets hope this organisation is exposed for what it really is and all those poor people who have been deceived and manipulated given the help and assistance to recover and find their true selves and become whole again.