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Re: REAL LOVE
Posted by: DINGO ()
Date: December 09, 2018 06:13AM

It’s now a year on since Real Love UK closed its doors. To replace their planned ’12-month program’ they substituted it with a program to unhook people from their excess dependency on Real Love and into a better psychological place. However, Real Love lives on despite Pete and Nikki Uglow giving it up.
Kimberley Stretthill has taken over from where Pete and Nikki left off with her group, called Real Love Europe. It’s a bit difficult to find as it seems to be promoted on closed and secretive pages on facebook and not publicised in the same way the UK ‘Real Love Company’ was. Kimberley is Greg’s favourite person and loves lying in his lap naked. Greg’s wife Donna does not like this going on all the time when she comes to the US, but Kimbo is such a big fan and follower of Real Love and is intent on supplying Greg with whoever she can get to him for an expensive ‘intervention’.

Groups don’t seem to be publicised openly like they were prior to the close down. Yet Real Love goes on. Some people woke up from their enthrallment and realised they had been in a cult and are in deep shock, realising that they have no life or people in their life to go back to – as they were ‘coached’ to remove all non-RealLove people from their life (partner, parents, children, family, friends, coworkers, hobbyists – everyone). Stopping the constant RealLove ‘immersion’ into all things Real Love 24 hours a day also causes psychological distress (or mental cold turkey) as those leaving try to figure out their life. But some trundle along trying to keep up the Real Love façade without all the dependence, and with a strictly limited world in which only those still committed to RealLove can be part of. To cope with this extreme life some have chosen to disassociate from the real world as much as possible (short of living in rural isolation!!). This means disengaging from social media and having no contact with non-RealLove people in order to keep the idea of bliss and happiness going. Those who had not quite captured RealLove or who were ‘difficult’ and ‘needy’ were just ejected from any further help or indeed the 12-month rehashed program.

The RL coaches have all been busy reinventing how they will deliver RealLove within their normal coaching offer. Pete and Nikki are working on ‘infidelity’ which they claim they can cure with religion in 3 days!! They’ll clearly be focusing on Gregs books on marriage and victimhood as their base. Pity the people who go to them to save their marriage who’ll be told that they’ll have to go to the US and pay several thousand pounds for an intervention where they’ll have to lay in the arms of Greg Baer naked and tell this strange man that they love him, and then call him daddy. Ben Leppier is working with marriage – both prior to marriage and after the big day. His focus will clearly be Greg’s books on dating and marriage. This is the ‘mormon’ way folks. NO holding hands, hugging, kissing or sexual activity until the wedding night. Heaven help anyone who just falls in love with ‘being in love’ and the concept of love and who finds on the wedding night that they don’t find a connection in ‘real’ terms, with one or the other not wanting to be kissed, touched or to have sexual relations with the other. Greg promises some sort of unbelievable magic if you do things his way – step-by-step by way of his instructions. And if two people find they are not really compatible after this fantasy journey? They have to stay with it – they have to ‘not like it/dislike it and live with it’. Another coach, Tara, has continued with her work in the business sector and uses the RealLove in These two, Pete and Ben, have failed in business many times and keep coming back with another ‘get rich quick scheme’ but this time, since being a part of RealLove and becoming Mormons, they are merely reinventing the RealLove Cult as a new business, instead of a bonafide business, and using former RealLove adherents to write glowing reviews for them. Another coach, Tara uses the Workplace as her focus. This is where RealLove does do genuine ‘Large Group Awareness Training’. Imagine going to work and believing you are getting some sort of workplace training and find out you’ll be doing RealLove instead!! Imagine the horror!! Kathryn was the first to introduce Greg’s transformation from holding being clothed to holding being done naked. She’s held groups in her home, and while these are not now publicly publicised, its known that she still holds groups and promotes RealLove. There were some Wise People who were avidly into the RealLove Parenting aspects when it was run by Pete and Nikki and it’s not sure whether this area is still being pushed out.

So sadly, RealLove in the UK is not yet dead and buried forever.
What is alarming is that it has become a lot more deceptive than what it was, and will serve to draw people in to Greg Baer’s ideology through smoke and mirrors that are far less obvious. Instead of people actively being pulled into groups and engaging directly with the Cult, they will be participating in bonafide coaching which will sneakily draw them in to RealLove in a more deceptive way. Imagine having coaching for infidelity or marriage and ending up as part of your therapy sitting in Greg Baer’s lap and becoming a Mormon. Let’s hope people can see through this deception a lot easier than when RealLove was set up the way it was last year.

Are people happy and ‘living the life’? Judging by those who have left, RealLove became a nightmare and a chore and not what it promised on the label. Being ‘deconstructed’ by untrained people and rebuilt into someone different is an odd form of learning how to be a loving person – to give as well as to receive. Love really is one of those things that you learn about by doing it. No need for complicated processes, books, routines, groups, interventions etc. Just do it. But without all that constant guidance does it have the magic it professed? And how long can one go on with two identities before something has to give. The cult identity works better when its being dominated and controlled in some way whereupon the original identity can be overshadowed and silenced. What happens when the control goes away? I guess is one becomes highly defiant and continues to over-absorb in RealLove by the process of total immersion, then the cult identity might continue to be in the ascendant. However, if one does not engage in the immersion process, how long would it take before there was a dichotomy of conflict between the real identity and its gut instinct and that of the cult identity and its ideology. Most people haven’t woken up and are still believing the fallacy and defiantly and stubbornly sticking together because they so desperately want RealLove to work and don’t want to comprehend that it’s a Cult. They don’t want to face the fact that it was a scam and that it’s not ever going to work. Some are inevitably so determined that they were not fooled and that RealLove is not a cult that they will stick with it and stick with it despite the contrary. They will believe that those leaving are just being a victim or have been splashed by outsiders. They will keep trying to tell themselves that they are living the RealLove dream and are in total bliss and happiness while deep down they know that they are not and their instincts are telling them that it is all a great big farce. The financial and personal investment has been incredible in some cases that admitting it was a cult and a scam is just too embarrassing so they will deny their gut instincts and keep believing. Even wives and husbands of coaches (daddies and mummies) are questioning RealLove and starting to see how idiotic and pathetic the whole organisation is.

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Re: REAL LOVE
Posted by: Link ()
Date: December 14, 2018 03:24AM

Just thought I would add this link to YouTube.

[youtu.be]

Its a video of a set of slides from the end of last year,when Pete Uglow and Ben Leppier threw together a last ditch attempt to save their arses (they had already taken thousands of pounds off people for a 12mnth programme,so had to put together somthing when they pulled the plug on real love uk), and contradicts everything that they are now both starting their own companies again and claiming to teach,just another spin on what they first set up,when they were promoting "real love uk".Nothing has changed,the scam has just been renamed under their own buisinesses.

Pete Uglows company is now called "Soulmate Solutions ltd"and their website is www.getoveranaffair.com and Ben Leppiers company is called "the marriage people" and his website is www.themarriagepeople.co.uk Both websites state absolutely outrageous claims which are just not true and I urge you to read all the other posts on this forum under anything titled "real love" before making a decision to invest any money.

Here is another link to YouTube of Ben Leppier which you might be interested to take a look at. I will let you make your own mind up about it.Its a personal video,sent to me after my "intervention"with him (which both Pete Uglow and Ben Leppier are now offering again for outrageous sums of money),after I was taught to remember feeling "loved" by him. Pretty embarrassing, but if it helps just one person expose the fraud,then its worth it.

[youtu.be]

Please do your research before parting with any money,as I have said in a previous post,you could end up losing much more than money.

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Re: REAL LOVE
Posted by: Link ()
Date: December 14, 2018 06:57PM

Just thought I would add this link to youtube.

[youtu.be]


Its a video of a set of slides from the end of last year,when Pete Uglow and Ben Leppier threw together a last ditch attempt to save their arses (they had already taken thousands of pounds off people for a 12mnth programme,so had to put together somthing when they pulled the plug on real love uk), and contradicts everything that they are now both starting their own companies again and claiming to teach,just another spin on what they first set up,when they were promoting "real love uk".Nothing has changed,the scam has just been renamed under their own buisinesses.

Pete Uglows company is now called "Soulmate Solutions ltd"and their website is www.getoveranaffair.com and Ben Leppiers company is called "the marriage people" and his website is www.themarriagepeople.co.uk Both websites state absolutely outrageous claims which are just not true and I urge you to read all the other posts on this forum under anything titled "real love" before making a decision to invest any money.

Here is another link to YouTube of Ben Leppier which you might be interested to take a look at. I will let you make your own mind up about it.Its a personal video,sent to me after my "intervention"with him (which both Pete Uglow and Ben Leppier are now offering again for outrageous sums of money),after I was taught to remember feeling "loved" by him. Pretty embarrassing, but if it helps just one person expose the fraud,then its worth it.

[youtu.be]

Please do your research before parting with any money,as I have said in a previous post,you could end up losing much more than money.

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Re: REAL LOVE
Posted by: Link ()
Date: December 16, 2018 05:09PM

If you are wondering why I keep re-posting the same thread,its because I have received threats,via youtube,(no guessing who is complaining,as its not good for their businesses) so here are the links again.

[youtu.be]


Its a video of a set of slides from the end of last year,when Pete Uglow and Ben Leppier threw together a last ditch attempt to save their arses (they had already taken thousands of pounds off people for a 12mnth programme,so had to put together somthing when they pulled the plug on real love uk), and contradicts everything that they are now both starting their own companies again and claiming to teach,just another spin on what they first set up,when they were promoting "real love uk".Nothing has changed,the scam has just been renamed under their own buisinesses.

Pete Uglows company is now called "Soulmate Solutions ltd"and their website is www.getoveranaffair.com and Ben Leppiers company is called "the marriage people" and his website is www.themarriagepeople.co.uk Both websites state absolutely outrageous claims which are just not true and I urge you to read all the other posts on this forum under anything titled "real love" before making a decision to invest any money.

Here is another link to YouTube of Ben Leppier which you might be interested to take a look at. I will let you make your own mind up about it.Its a personal video,sent to me after my "intervention"with him (which both Pete Uglow and Ben Leppier are now offering again for outrageous sums of money),after I was taught to remember feeling "loved" by him. Pretty embarrassing, but if it helps just one person expose the fraud,then its worth it.

[youtu.be]

Please do your research before parting with any money,as I have said in a previous post,you could end up losing much more than money.

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What to do if anyone is threatening us via CEI private message
Posted by: corboy ()
Date: December 17, 2018 12:51AM

Link wrote:

Quote

If you are wondering why I keep re-posting the same thread,its because I have received threats,via youtube,(no guessing who is complaining,as its not good for their businesses) so here are the links again.


Just in case any of us receives threats or otherwise questionable messages
via CEI's private messaging (PM), please contact Mr. Rick Ross, CEO of Cult Education Institute and moderator of this message board.

Mr Ross can be contacted here.

[forum.culteducation.com]

Send Mr Ross a copy of the offending PM complete
with URL, date and time and username of whoever sent the message.

Sending copies of questionable message board and PM items to the moderator is the only way to keep the CEI message
board a safe and secure place.

You are not being weak in doing this.

You are not 'whingeing'

Do not let someone accuse you of being too sensitive or lacking a sense of humor.

And don't back down if someone accuses you of being abusive by standing up
for yourself.

Dr. Jennifer J Freyd has termed this the DARVO technique.

Quote

Definition of DARVO
DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim -- or the whistle blower -- into an alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of "falsely accused" and attacks the accuser's credibility and blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation

[dynamic.uoregon.edu]

[forum.culteducation.com]

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Re: REAL LOVE
Posted by: Link ()
Date: December 24, 2018 10:12PM

If you are wondering why I keep re-posting the same thread,its because I have received threats via youtube. (no guessing for who is complaining,as its not good for their businesses) so here it is again,all be it a slide missing as it had a picture of both ben leppier and pete uglow on it.

[youtu.be]



Its a video of a set of slides from the end of last year,when Pete Uglow and Ben Leppier threw together a last ditch attempt to save their arses (they had already taken thousands of pounds off people for a 12mnth programme,including me,so had to put together somthing when they pulled the plug on real love uk), and contradicts everything that they are now both starting their own companies again and claiming to teach,just another spin on what they first set up,when they were promoting "real love uk".Nothing has changed,the scam has just been renamed under their own businesses.

Pete Uglows company is now called "Soulmate Solutions ltd"and their website is www.getoveranaffair.com and Ben Leppiers company is called "the marriage people" and his website is www.themarriagepeople.co.uk Both websites state absolutely outrageous claims which are just not true and I urge you to read all the other posts on this forum under anything titled "real love" or "soulmate solutions ltd" before making a decision to invest any money.

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Re: REAL LOVE
Posted by: Cristalmaze36157 ()
Date: January 09, 2019 04:01AM

Hello,

I see there are a couple of threads about Real Love so I just picked one.

I am conflicted about posting this, because whilst I don’t want to dig up the past I feel a responsibility to add another voice to the posts already on here. I found it helpful to read the other posts and I suspect far more people that have been affected (negatively) by RL read this forum than post in it.

If you are here doing some homework on RL or the people involved in it - STEER CLEAR. Don’t have any more conversations with them and go elsewhere. If you feel that something is “off” with RL - listen to that instinct. Your judgement is right.

I have a fair bit of first hand experience of RL, my spouse (now ex) got into it and in the spirit of keeping us together I got involved for about a year, went to seminars, had interventions, spoke to Pete and Ben, also talked to Greg, watched lots of videos and read some of the books. But I was always somewhat of an outsider to it myself.

Prior to this had I never come across a group like RL. Getting involved in it and meeting the people there was just so profoundly strange. What struck me most about the actual “followers”, and what if anything they seemed to have in common, was that they just wanted some relief from unhappiness and for someone to give them a sense of direction. Many of them were emotionally vulnerable, some had had terrible life struggles, but by and large they seemed like gentle people who wanted a better emotional life for themselves. I feel like a huge part of the appeal of RL is that here is a group that tells you, with absolute conviction, that everything is going to be ok and now that you have found them you won’t be alone bearing the life long burden, and struggle, and seemingly endless effort of trying to work out how to make yourself happy. There is a path all worked out and you just have to trust and follow it.

The books themselves have lots of practical tips and sensible sounding advice. But it’s whats communicated in person and over Skype that is disturbing. Rather than helping people, Greg and his proponents exploit emotional vulnerability to create for themselves status, validation and money, and worst of all it leaves followers believing that RL and its philosophy is the only way to look at the world, and that you are either in (and accept Greg as your one true father) or out. The financial expense but more importantly emotional cost incurred as people get deeper into it and gradually separate themselves from their previous “toxic” relationships creates a barrier to leaving, as does the social reinforcement of others within the group. This is a “high touch” philosophy, regular contact with Greg and other followers is strongly encouraged so that you can “get the help you need” and I feel like this is an important part of keeping people engaged with it. A lot of what I saw seemed to be people whose confidence in their own judgement had been knocked by bad luck or previous poor choices, wrestling with what their instinct was telling them (“this feels wrong,”) and getting persuaded otherwise by the people in RL.

The fundamental issue as I see it is that this is a (very expensive) life philosophy which at its core creates an inappropriate reliance on and intimacy with the teachers of it. These people are untrained in psychology or related fields, and don’t have the experience, professional distance, or the right motivations to help people with real emotional problems.

The system of creating “wise people” is a way of keeping people validated within RL, it’s a goal to work towards, and of course it costs money. It occurred to me there is a parallel here with the “levels” one can progress through Scientology. Validation and emotional acceptance is conveyed through moving through the levels. The actual “study” involved is reading passages from the self help books and reflecting on your own life experiences, people sat in one another’s laps, chipping in interpretations of life experiences and behaviour seen through the lens of the RL philosophy. You pay to do more courses to progress through the levels, my ex was quoted £3,000 a year and I spoke to a few people for whom raising this kind of money was a serious undertaking - they saved up or borrowed where they could. But of course what price can you put on happiness?

The expense can be huge, we paid £3,000 for a weekend with a UK coach and my ex a further £3,000 for a second “intervention”, this comes with a year of weekly phone calls with your coach. Visiting Greg in the states we were quoted £10,000 (flights etc on top). Ultimately we got the point where I was asked to either fly to the US for an intervention with Greg or divorce. I want to be careful here as I don’t directly “blame” RL for the breakup of my marriage, but my ex’s embrace of RL certainly closed off the path to keeping it together - it was Greg’s way or the high way. We each made our respective choices. I could not stomach going “deeper” into a life philosophy I didn’t believe in, but more importantly distrusted had our own best interests at heart. To support a couple of other comments here my ex is now a Mormon (having never been religious before that point) and attends a UK Mormon church on a regular basis. It does seem to lead to that for some people.

I feel such sorrow for my ex who is an intelligent and wonderful person, but has had a lifelong struggle with emotionally insecurity which made her vulnerable to RL. Ironically I think she probably feels the same way about me as I struggle along in the emotional wilderness she perceives exists outside of RL!

There is a huge list of problems with RL, but for me the most pernicious is the core idea that no love you ever had before was “real” love, not from your parents, previous or current partners, lifelong friends, none of them. Only people within RL are capable of giving you “the love you need” and in particular your father figure or “daddy” (or less commonly mum/mummy). The instinctive creepiness I think most people feel about lying in a relative stranger’s lap and calling them daddy is a nice example of a good instinct that RL coaches you out of - why that instinct just signifies an inability to trust which is at the heart of all your previous problems! You either buy into this (as my ex did) or you reject it. I went to the intervention and did the cuddling and I can see that for those who are in emotional pain and susceptible to it, it would feel revelatory to “feel accepted for who you truly are”. But that is not what is happening. This “love” does know bounds. You will need to conform and you will need to pay.

I should say I did the cuddling with clothes on, it is hugely disturbing to see references on here to people doing this naked as to me it represents a serious escalation of the degree of exploitation within RL. I never saw any nudity directly myself. However, all of this creates dependence (emotionally and financially) on RL and its people and a separation between the RL joiner and everyone else. It doesn’t feel right because it isn’t right.

This bit is a guess - but my feeling was the motivations of the former UK leaders of RL (Pete, Ben) were probably primarily financial. RL has not been a lifelong pursuit for them, they have had other businesses in the past, and it’s interesting to see that they have launched new (to me slightly more mainstream sounding) relationship advice businesses borrowing elements of the RL philosophy - although I see there is a view that their connection to Greg perhaps continues.

I don’t know why the UK branch stopped. But it occurred to me at the time that the RL ethos puts a lot of time and emotional commitment on the “wise men/women” to deal with highly emotional people, and it must have put a strain on the UK leaders that would have been very hard to sustain. There is none of the professional distance a properly trained counsellor would have. I wondered too what the followers would do when abandoned by their “daddy”, and whether it would risk putting them into new emotional turmoil. It is reckless irresponsibility with people’s emotional states. In my ex’s case she switched over from Ben to Greg and I know others did this, if they could afford it. I would guess that Greg sought to retain the most emotionally invested (and coincidentally financially liquid) followers.

Greg himself is a whole different kettle of fish. RL is expensive and no doubt he is keen to continue earning money from it, but my feeling is his primary motivation is status. His status as founder and author of the RL philosophy is extremely high within the group, he has “all the answers” and whilst people are told to think of him as their “dad” or “daddy” the actual relationship seemed to me closer to a controlling older boyfriend who is also some kind of celebrity. I would not be at all surprised if people who had found themselves in unhealthy controlling relationships in the past ended back here, being told what they could and couldn't do, that other people aren't to be trusted, separated and isolated from parents, friends and family - repeating the pattern.

There is nothing inherently structural I see that will make RL collapse, it doesn’t operate in mass numbers as far as I can tell, and indeed it doesn’t “scale” at all easily beyond the borders of Greg’s own forceful, righteous, and immoral personality. He struck me as an intelligent man, but no genius. He has been going for many years, and my guess is that trying to talk those too far into RL out of it in any direct way would provoke a deep and negative emotional response. They have built a reliance on it that becomes too upsetting to remove. My ex was (willingly) swallowed up by it to the point that any conversation that wasn’t a RL related one seemed pointless to her. It was all she talked about.

Every now and again someone would blow up on the RL Facebook page, a follower would become disillusioned and rail against what they felt was a a betrayal or a deception, the wool had been pulled over their eyes. These people were swiftly ejected and occasionally held up as an example of how not to do RL. There was nothing wrong with the system, that poor person just lost their way and now had an axe to grind. In this way dissenting voices within the community were used as a means to bind it tighter. And because it is scary and destabilising to hear such strong doubts from a former believer, this seemed to be a pretty effective technique.

I think the people inside RL will have to find their own way out of the cave (or at least to want to find a way out). But to those who are considering RL or are on the edges of it - see this post as the skeleton the main character comes across that serves as a warning - abandon hope all ye who enter here.

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