Quote

JB, on April 17, 2010 at 8:20 am said:
Thank you, Sogyal Rinpoche devotee for your neutral portrayal of the situation ‘as it really is’ as you put it.

Please be aware, those here speaking of first hand experiences are not liars. Those who have seen it happen to colleagues are not liars.The journalistic writers of various pieces in the media have not been sued. The book authors who have written on this case have not been sued.

The abuse which took place went further underground around the same time as you became a Rigpa member. One colleague of mine, for example, was abused in 1985. She is a lovely down to earth girl. The salt of the earth.

Fortunately not damaged too much on the surface, though it has turned her against the Dharma for this lifetime.

“I have never seen anything like the behaviour described on these boards”

It took place at various locations but NOT in the shrine room.

“

Quote

i asked lots of questions even of Rinpoche himself and i got answers

.”

You are probably too young to remember the Profumo affair, where a leading politician claimed never to have slept with prostitute Christine Keeler. When questioned as to why Minister Profumo denied ever having slept with her, Miss Keelers response was “

Quote

Well, he would say that wouldnt he?”

In future, feel free to raise questions here, the same questions you raised with Sogyal. See if the answers are the same. If they are not, count the victims and work it out for yourself

JB, on April 17, 2010 at 8:25 am said:
Please also feel free to read the briefing document at the head of this page, a document comprised of significant information which is in the public domain and remains unsued.

Congratualtions on finding your faith-donr forget, its the message thats important, not the delivery boy.

Quote

134. JB, on April 18, 2010 at 3:45 pm said:
Ad hominem basis to your attack-focus on the factual evidence. Cold, yes. Without feelings, no.

You appear to be going for the sympathy vote.

Look. Sogyal has been a naughty boy. He might teach the supreme path of Dzogchen but what goes round comes round. And its payback time. People need the whole story, warts and all.-

Cromwell was a t%%t but he fought for my right to voice my opinion in this country about the whole class game.

Now we get someone importing the same shit into our religious vista centuries later.

The rights of the rich to do as they wish, The Hellraisers Club etc (And no its not a class thing, its about the abuse of class)

(JB may be alluding to the 18th Century HellFire Club. This was a gang of aristocrats (most notably the Duke of Wharton) who clubbed together in fancy dress, created black masses and dressed in costume and orchestrated orgies--and at the expense of poor girls used by them in such--Corboy)

TJB: his is just the dying throes of that last generation of abusive Tibetan princes, who got what they wanted when they wanted it?

What do they say: 97% of the wealth in Tibet before the invasion lay in the hands of twenty families (Its a few more now and more widespread;) So many women, so little time or not?

Quote

I think we are at an appropriate juncture to relax a little now. As you acknowledge, allowing people to see both sides of the story for themselves is the best way to do things; not to bury criticism every time it rears its inconvenient head.
As to the invitation to publish, bear in mind all of the following:
The Janice Doe lawsuit. There was no evidence so Sogyal paid $ millions to put the lid on it.
Don Lattin — US agency journalist
Several local newspapers in California
Mick Brown – The Sunday Telegraph magazine
The BBC
The Irish Sunday Times

Quote

The BBC Radio 4 item was a package on the Sunday programme. It contained a clip of a woman describing her horrific sexual experience with Sogyal. I doubt you would be able to obtain a transcript now because it was broadcast in 1995.

Quote

141. JB, on April 19, 2010 at 4:23 pm said:
” they’re all related to the Janice Doe case as I understand it”.

(As if SR using just one woman makes it more acceptable??--Corboy)

JB: I think you’ll find that even the first article on the J Doe case lists others.
Atmosphere is in the mind. Your comments are certainly welcome, in the interests of fairness and free speech IMHO. Its just when people start ridiculing abuse victims that things turn nasty.

Quote

153. JB, on April 21, 2010 at 6:53 pm said:
Well, its like a little coral of ad hom attacks all gathered together, isnt it? It looks quite effective: several different postings agreeing with one another on the merits (or otherwise) of ones critics. Sadly however, none of this addresses the issue (ABUSE BTW), abuse which you seem to have no answer for except to state that your critics are “Holding grudge over things from 20 years ago” (Same argument again-its all in the past and has nothing to do with now) Other than that, just personal attacks

Quote

may have different views.
159. Pema, on April 22, 2010 at 2:12 pm said:
Tara et al. I’ll define once more and never again:
*The abuses I refer to cover the period 1973-to date.
*For confirmation of this please refer to posts by Tiger Lilly in a previous thread.
*I will not discuss any recent evidence in detail or by name here. I have given many broad brush strokes in innumerable posts.
*I have corroborated testimony from many sources in audio recordings, electronic media and on paper.
*No doubt you and the rest of the Rigpa spin team will be delighted to know that despite 2 visits to Paris, repetetive email alerts and persistent phone calls by me and my collaborators, so far the French media has turned blind eyes and deaf ears to the scandal that is happening on their territory.
*We will persevere. A Buddhist academic and author who lives in France tells me that unless it happens to involve politicians or the RC church, in general the French media is not concerned about sexual abuse. Shame on them.
We will persevere.

Quote

1. JB, on April 23, 2010 at 9:01 am said:
People seem to be construing Rigpa, Buddhism,Sogyal Rinpoche, and Sogyal Rinpoche’s abusive behaviour as the same thing.
I personally have nothing bad to say about Buddhism. Nor do I have that much to say about Rigpa (most prominent Buddhist groups in the West have a very un Buddhist obsession with wealth and power, so nothing new there then). As for Sogyal, he is just a wealthy Tibetan who, for political and financial reasons, was designated a tulku in his childhood. Lucky him, though once again, preferential treatment of the children of the rich, a fundamental immoral flaw in the Tibetan system of choosing tulkus, rears its ugly head-Who runs Shambala now?
That leaves us with Sogyals behaviour. That for me is what is under scrtiny here,nothing else.
Most of Sogyal’s dodgy and abusive behaviour happened before the overwhelming majority of posters here were around (bella, the most prolific poster here, for example, has only been around for ten).
Critics like myself and MF on the other hand have been around for three or four decades. We also both have immediate experience of the effects of Sogyal’s behaviour, having seen the dame and fallout it has caused in a number of different instances.
Everyone should feel free to praise Rigpa, Buddhism and so on; it is their right. However, there is the issue of truth (the whole truth, warts and all). We KNOW that what we are saying is true.
However, those with less experience see fit to come here to defend Sogyal Rinpoche for behaviour he engaged in before they got involved with him. I think we can safely say therefore that we are ALL telling the truth. Of course you havent seen abuse-you werent chosen as a victim and, as soon as MF started to expose the behaviour it went underground. I know this to be true. I happily swear on my children’s lives that I know for a fact that Sogyal has used his status as a Buddhist teacher to procure women for sex. Thats what I feel is wrong, thats what most people who know anything about cults and New Religious Movements think is wrong, and thats what society considers wrong-Relgious teachers should not have sex with their disciples becuase there is an imbalance of power in the relationship. Its called a breech of fiduciary care (Look it up)
Strikes me that some of Sogyals students have bought into the Tibetan trip just that little bit too far. Yes, follow the Dharma; make offerings to the teacher, and meditate. But did we really need to import the institutionalised sexual abuse that existed in Tibet vis a vis rich tulkus and their prey. No thanks; thats one Tibetan custom I dont want: not for me, nor my children, nor anybody elses children. It is wrong, it was wrong and, it will be wrong.period.
I would advise people to go to Rigpa to meet Dharma and different Dharma teachers. I would not point them to Sogyal as a qualified master because I KNOW how he has abused his position and have seen the damage he caused to people I loved.
Nothing against him, he will pay the price. But the behaviour is wrong and people need to know the truth. It may be ‘history’ but so what? Its relatively recent history and remember, we study history so as not to make the same mistakes. What do you want to do then: hide the truth? Why?
2. JB, on April 23, 2010 at 9:03 am said:
I wonder if the answer might be something to do with wealth, reputation or status?
3. Pema, on April 23, 2010 at 9:45 am said:
It is indeed sad that many kind and sincere people have been deluded into seeing Sogyal Lakar as an authentic teacher. The fact that they will be traumatised and confused when the truth is revealed beyond doubt — is colateral damage which I would personally prefer to avoid. Alas — is cannot be avoided. Students of Trungpa R and Thomas Rich back in the 80s suffered similar distress. So too did students of Kalu R when June Campbell told her story. So where does the buck stop? IMHO with Sogyal, Trungpa and Kalu because their unacceptable behaviour caused the problem in the first place. As Guy Durand articulates on Les Trois Mondes, Buddhist people who feel it their duty to tell the truth are not doing so out of revenge, spite, jealousy or bitterness — but simply because they see the need to highlight corruption, so that in the long term the dharma will continue to flourish. It is the people who ignore abuse who are harming the dharma and will ultimately be the main causative factor in the distress of their fellow sangha members. The longer the dirt festers beneath the rug — the more the impact when it is finally brought to light. PS JB — Sogyal’s abuses continue unabated to this day. They did not stop post Janice Doe. Like all addicts he needs ever-stronger doses in order to get his kicks.
4. Tara, on April 23, 2010 at 11:08 am said:
It’s all so tremendously sad and painful for everyone involved and very hard to get your head around to be honest. The website Les Trois Mondes isn’t available in English is it – I don’t speak French. I understand this is a more recent case from Lerab Ling ?? Devestating really.
5. themadhair, on April 23, 2010 at 11:22 am said:
The website Les Trois Mondes isn’t available in English is it – I don’t speak French.
It is not ideal but you may be able to manage navigating the site by visiting this address:

[translate.google.com]

6. Pema, on April 23, 2010 at 11:36 am said:
I agree that post Janice Doe Sogyal became more discreet about his promiscuity. Most of the action these days takes place at his chalets at Lerab Ling. This probably accounts for the fact that people who have attended Rigpa retreats for many years, minus close encounters with Soggy, have not noticed the sexual shenanigans. But surely you have noticed the way he publicly humiliates his acolytes? And surely you have noticed the
very pretty young women in deisigner Barbie Doll outfits who always accompany him?
7. Tara, on April 23, 2010 at 12:26 pm said:

I understood the public humiliation was for older students, who had given permission for this as part of training and learning, that’s explanation i was given anyway. i’ll try the translate tool -thks. yes lots of pretty young women in rigpa.
8. Pema, on April 23, 2010 at 1:47 pm said:

For older students read brainwashed zombies. For training and learning read sado-masochism. There is no justification for treating fellow human beings in this way. Alongside the sex abuse, Sogyal’s self-indulgent, spoiled brat lack of respect for his sangha is a gross perversion of the Buddhist moral code — any moral code for that matter. It represents a complete departure from basic human decency….and people still see him as a guru? Make ya wanna cry!

9. Anonymous, on April 23, 2010 at 2:33 pm said:
My friend is one of those receiving training and he has nothing to complain. He is a rare and a free person. There’s nothing much that could shake him in the first place. SR has done it a twice – and I think it’s good for him too. Makes him think. But it’s also notable that even SR can’t make him do things he doesn’t feel ready for.

SR has said many times that it’s impossible to make Rigpa into a cult, because people are so stubborn. They don’t obey… This is just a response for your Brainwashed -theory.
10. Pema, on April 23, 2010 at 3:25 pm said:

If you condone ritual public humiliation you have lost touch with your moral compass. So has your friend. But perhaps neither of you had one in the first place. Sogyal attracts damaged people and exploits them to the max.

11. JB, on April 23, 2010 at 5:08 pm said:
The blog site in French was crudely translated on this site some time back-here it is.
[bouddhanar.blogspot.com]
The autocrat has banned Tibetan openness of the faithful.

Rigpa members are not allowed to follow the teachings of other traditions. This prohibition is shocking even for Tibetans.

In Tibet it was natural to seek instructions from several lamas: Shardza Tashi Gyaltsen, a famous Dzogchenpa, received teachings from 24 various teachers.

In addition, Sogyal proclaims the misogyny (of the Tibetan tradition) without giving up the “droit de seigneur” of manipulative gurus. Followers, humiliated by a despotism of another age, have written to the Dalai Lama * to inform him of the wanderings of the Lord of Lerab Ling. They await the response of religious and political leader of the Tibetan diaspora.

Other Dzogchen masters do not prevent their disciples from receiving the teachings of other masters in order to deepen their knowledge of Dharma. Devotion should certainly not be legitimated by promises or intimidation by a guru. For example, being told you that if you do not meet certain requirements, you will not have access to any teachings. This is an obvious form of manipulation.

In any event, devotion to a teacher should be based on his actions, and each must show discernment.

On 23 May 2007 I had an interview with Rinpoche (at his request because I had exited the 3 year retreat Lerab Ling, after 10 months).

The following excerpts concern his sex with a young woman, and the notions of exclusivity and devotion.

‘Everyone here says you are ‘awake’, you’re in the view .’.
He nodded and after a moment of silence, he added:

The Vajrayana always brings obstacles. (He claimed it was the girl that had made propositioned him.)

So I said:

– But since you are awake, how is it that you have been unable to rise above the obstacles?
After a silence, I focused on what he said about his teachings. He said, inter alia, that “the disciples who went to the Dzogchen Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche were the rejects of other sanghas ”

I told him I did not agree.

I also asked:

Why do you need to constantly repeat your teachings are the best and that you have documents from Dudjom Rinpoche that prove that you are good and reliable?

He said that this was because some students wanted to know what kind of man he was.
Thereafter, I expressed my perception of devotion:

For me, the profound Dharma through study, reflection and meditation induces a certainty, greater motivation and stability conducive to true devotion.

To which he replied:

You are too independent for this kind of retreat.
Devotion and sexual abuse

Sogyal Rinpoche says that complaints about his sexual abuse are rumors.

Of course, it can be argued that in terms of relativity, all is illusion, and that in absolute terms, nothing exists, neither self nor spirit. However, we know that this illusion occurs by virtue of interdependence and is still tangible. So how do we reconcile the relative and absolute terms in everyday life? What of the suffering caused to western girls, new to Dharma? Are they not too emotionally vulnerable to engage in sexual practices, purportedly ‘initiation’?

To tolerate deviations to avoid breaking the samaya and preserve the Dharma reflects a misunderstanding.

Addiction is a tragic flaw, especially on the spiritual plane. I think it is good to step back and recognize the dynamics of an organization and find out whether or not there is manipulation. The packaging may be more or less subtle, but nevertheless, once the desire for enlightenment is exacerbated, this can result in tensions and foolish behavior.

Reality Check

Rinpoche gives much importance to rumors, but why if they are unfounded? For example, he took the trouble to send a delegate to the sangha in Montreal to demonstrate that everything was ‘just rumor’. Why spend so much money, time and energy on rumors? A totally ridiculous and wrong strategy which led to the departure of some members, given the inconsistency and lack of transparency of the delegate and the staff responsible for the Rigpa center of Montreal.

Was the visit to stem the exodus of disciples and encouraging the return and repent of dissidents?

Is it not naive to believe that Rigpa, and Sogyal’s teaching Dzogchen represent an end in itself? The lessons of wisdom are excellent tools on the course, I agree. But it is not necessary to retain a teacher who does not correspond to our values.
For me, I am very grateful to have received the teachings of the texts and shédras, meditation and study will continue to be part of my everyday life, but outside Rigpa. ”
Denise, 2008

Addenda
In a letter adressed to the Dalaï Lama i Octobre 2007, plaintiffs of Lérab ling stated :
“Furthermore, we affirm the need for equality between the sexes in all aspects of Buddhist theory and practice.”
” We also want to bring to your attention the non-respect of women and sectarian attitude of Sogyal Rinpoché (ridiculing women during his teachings, not allowing to seek teachings from other masters outside Lerab Ling, obligation to secrecy, many constraints, use of fear and psychological pressures, not allowing criticism, etc.).”

Quote

Look. Dzogchen is good. Nyingma is good. Dharma is good.

Screwing disciples however is wrong. Actions have consequences. Its payback time.
What caused all this furore was not Mary F, nor this DI site, nor the other commentators who have posted here, nor the pieces in various broadsheet newspapers. The person who threw this particular s==t covered boomerang was your teacher himself. Like everyone else, now he pays the price AS what goes around comes around. Its not others inflicting retribution; its Sogyal’s own actions which are haunting him.

Quote

173. Anonymous, on April 24, 2010 at 1:17 pm said:
The sad thing is that if he came clean, confessed and resolved not to paw young women again, then he’d gather a load more support. Tiger Woods is back playing golf, people love those who own up to their addictions, make a public confession and get help and resolution. Look how coke addiction helped Kate Moss’s career!

Quote

182. Pema, on April 25, 2010 at 7:55 am said:
Someone has not bothered to read the item quoted from Les 3 Mondes carefully. They have got th wrong end of the stick. For starters, Denise is a woman. How do I know that? I know because its her real name and I have been in correrspondence with her for 2 years. The item itself is a report by Denise on her PRIVATE intervierw with Soggy, which she asked for in order to explain her reasons for leaving the 3 year retreat. It was Sogyal who slagged off Chogyal Namkhai Norbu (and then subsequently went grovelling to him, begging to teach at Merigar). A word of caution — you enter the lion’s den here. There are sharp people around who do not allow mistakes to go un-noticed. They will pounce on you with the faintest qualm and even call you a little fat man if they feel like it. BTW — Denise was not the person who led the exodus from the 3 year retreat. The person who led was Guy Durand. Also his real name. Also fearless in his determination to bring Sogyal to justice.

Quote

, on April 26, 2010 at 8:37 pm said:
Kapasi, we agree! b Neither of us is on any ‘side’ Your above mail seems to be little more than a weak attempt to consolidate a very juvenile us v them mentality in this discussion. Can we stick to the issue of Sogyal Rinpoche and his abuse of his position and disciples? This is not about personalities, its about actions (and results!)

Do bear in mind that Rigpa ALREADY runs a relatively large publicity juggernaut that is geared to creating the impression that all in the garden is rosy. Those of us here who speak of things differently are doing so to give people the WHOLE truth, not just one side. You seem to be here in an attempt to deny the public any access whatsoever to the facts already established.

fair play? From my side, I believe so. From your side however, you appear to be assuming a posture similar to the one the Catholics held before the abuse scandal broke. Learn from that experience-Just as a beach ball leaps further out of the water, the more you submerge it, the truth that outs will invoke significantly more disgust the more you try to bury it. Buddhism and free speech are compatible, not contradictory.

208. Jb, on April 27, 2010 at 11:25 am said:
“I wish I would go away. I wish Pema and JB to go away too.”
Well deary, while you cant control your external world (Pema and JB), you can be damned sure that you yourself are here by choice. Your choices and wishes can be unified if you just go away; then we can get on with doing our job and you can get on with yours in more appropriate arena

Quote

1. anonym, on September 5, 2010 at 12:07 pm said:
“…seek answers in the real world…”

So I guess being a student of this charlatan for many years and being pushed into a hell that is hard to describe, being traumatised and hurt on a very deep level and loosing faith completely as a result of that, ending up in therapy and still struggling to get life back together, talking to others who have experienced the same stories which followed the exact same patterns and witness their deep pain and problems they have to deal with even years after they had to leave the community and teacher they trusted and in the first place turned to in search for help and guidance…

I guess all that has nothing to do with the real world as the real world seems to be exclusively all the lovey dovey stuff that`s happening in rigpa (you again did what`s right and talked to older students in rigpa…what did you expect THEM to say?

THEY think they are doing nothing wrong…Everything is kept secret…has to kept secret from students “not ready for it”!)

All this has been explained and described in comments above and the dynamics leading to that point have been revealed for example by June Campbell.

I`m not writing this to add anything to that or to convince you (as I´m 100% sure this will not happen and as far as I`m concerned it doesn`t have to. If you really think that should be your teacher and that is what you want to become like, that`s fine with me).

I`m writing this because your one dimensional views on this topic are (once again) hurting and disrespecting all those who experienced hell because of this man and his mislead followers (most of them not knowing what`s going on behind closed doors).

Again and again the story is being reduced to the argument “well…the girls are older than 18 and they know what they are doing…THEY are the ones who want him…so all is fine…that`s how it is in Tibetan Buddhism…”

My personal view on that is, that a spiritual teacher, just like a trustworthy Therapist in a western context, should not abuse his position to have sex with his students/clients EVEN or ESPECIALLY if they want it (as if that would be a good and healthy sign…)

There MIGHT be an exception in some rare cases (like for example Dudjom Rinpoche and his wife) if it is really about consort practice but I`m pretty sure that is not what we`re talking about here as there seem to be hundreds of girls (if that is enough) which in some cases were seduced on their first retreat and don`t tell me that all of them were on the spiritual level to benefit from a higher tantric practice (if you think so, you should get some more information about what the exact requirements for such a practice really are)…

And if it`s “casual sex between two adults who both want it”, you should ask yourself: did the girls REALLY want exactly THAT or what were the hopes they maybe had in doing so? (and don`t just blame it on the magic aura of men in positions of power…)

What brought them to that point? Is there probably a repeating pattern in an organisation which brings girls to the point wanting it and is that really helpful for them (even if they think so or are brought to the point in believing it…healing family karma etc…)?

What is the dynamic between a teacher and a student and what are the deeper emotional and psychological layers beneath such a relationship? etc…

What also really bothers me is that all the other complex stories evolving around that topic and all the lives being destroyed don`t seem to mean anything at all.

Of course that`s not your intention but what comes across between the lines of all your justifications tells a different story and reveals a lot of the cynicism, self-righteousness and disrespect of the rigpa sangha for everyone who is not following their godlike teacher without asking too many questions…

even though I think that`s not something exclusively going on inside rigpa, rather than being a dangerous dynamic in many religous movements…(as they put a lot of honest meant energy and good will into something they believe in hole heartedly which on the other hand naturally tends to lead to a direction were a lot of self-defensive patterns will rise up if anything is going wrong…

and then you go to war with God on YOUR side or your teacher is an enlightened Buddha who can`t do anything wrong which justifies any behavior whatsoever…) but I DO think that this is a very big problem especially in rigpa!!

But as I said: all of this has been explained above…

One last thing: I have personally seen people break down after what Sogyal did to them and and due to his behaviour and I know that this is always downplayed by the rigpa students as something beneficial which they should be thankful for…

like it would reveal something to them they still have to work on (it`s always their problem…it never has to do with any misbehavior or incapacity of their teacher…).

At least I can speak for myself, that what I experienced and still have to struggle with is far from being beneficial for me in any way..!

It has nothing to do with the story of “the wise teacher showing you your deeper stuff which keep you from living life to it`s full potential”…After years of therapy I can say that it is a deep trauma that has been following me ever since and this special problem is not something building up on older stuff which now (thanks to Sogyal) I can work on..

THIS particular story has been started by him!

But of course that is only my “not ready”-view and has nothing to do with Sogyal or any of his responsibilities as a teacher.

I`ve now come to the point where I`ve lost my connection to Buddhism because I just can`t trust a teacher the way it seems to be necessary in Buddhism at some point.

I tried it for years and I just can`t do it anymore because all the stuff I experienced in rigpa always comes up again

Quote

213. Pema, on September 9, 2010 at 4:33 pm said:
Anonym — I would very much like to talk to you. I am easy to locate via Google. I am the journalist who wrote the 1995 item in The Guardian following the Janice Doe lawsuit. I have been in hot pursuit ever since and will not rest until he is taken out of circulation as a teacher. FYI there is a grovelling apology from a Zen Roshi caught out having sex with his students on the Tricycle blog. I have emailed it to Rigpa, suggesting it as an example for Sogyal to follow. The Roshi is resigning his position as an abbot.

Quote

Dear Pema
I believe that it is probably important now to look at the situation in Rigpa as an empire in the process of crumbling.

I say this because there are thousands of people who are deeply and emotionally involved with Sogyal, who can be harmed when he falls and we need to be thinking about them. I believe that this is why HH Dalai Lama is staying so close to Rigpa. I believe that Sogyal’s students will have great need of His Holiness in the years to come– and they have great need of us. We need to stop bickering!

I speak from experience, from someone who herself was badly scarred from connecting with Sogyal and his empire.

Eleven years ago, when I first attended a Rigpa retreat, I was a happily married mother of five daughters. Within a year, I was psychotic, my marriage was destroyed and I was sending my two youngest daughters away to live with their father in Australia so that I could become Sogyal’s wife and live in France.

As I say, I had become psychotic– I believed that Sogyal was speaking to me through clairvoyance and telling me to leave my family and become his wife. His voice in my head directed my every move, telling me not to eat and not to participate in family activities.

Over just a few months, I lost 20 lbs and the trust of a good husband. This all occurred and I never once exchanged a word with Sogyal. I attended all his teachings, but everytime I tried to speak to him, he would either look away or shake his head.

Over time, I started drinking and smoking heavily and became dangerously suicidal. Nevertheless, it took me some time to actually believe that I was never going to be Sogyal’s wife– amazing!

I then started studying Buddhism at KTD in Woodstock, NY, with Kagyu lamas there. By then, I was such a wreck that I had no chance of establishing a healthy relationship with any lama. For five years, I travelled from lama to lama until the day that I was driving down the New York State Thruway on my way home from a teaching with a Nyingma lama, sobbing and smoking and suicidal. When I arrived home that day and looked at the photo of HHDalaiLama on my wall, I knew suddenly that I was through with all those lamas and would stick fast with His Holiness and his teachings and his practices and his simple message of loving kindness.

From that day, five years ago, I have been studying Buddhism with His Holiness daily and practicing refuge and my vows and I have not had a suicidal thought. It has been a hellish journey and I am still torn to shreds emotionally, but there is a solid ground beneath my feet that I call the true Dharma– and there is a slow, strong, solid trust growing between myself and my lama, HH Dalai Lama, that I know will not fail me.

I write this because it is difficult to fathom the depth of horror a student experiences when the lama she has entrusted with her very being is shown to be treacherous– it is impossible for anyone walking into a Rigpa gathering to understand the extraordinary dynamics of guru devotion that causes our intellect to become dumbed down and our best selves to become lost.

My youngest daughter describes me during my worst days of lama madness as “a hunched over abject woman”.

This was not the woman who was her mother before I met Sogyal– nor is it the woman I am now.

Yet I too would have justified all my abject, dumb stupidity as the lama working on my ego. I too would have said that it is what I needed. I would have let Sogyal do anything to me.

Anything.

I think we are at a critical juncture with Tibetan Buddhism in the West.

I think if it is to survive, we all need to support each other and not fall into bickering. Those of us who have been damaged in our relationships with lamas, need to remember how it felt to be devoted and honor the devotion in our fellow human beings. At the same time, we all need to stand up straighter– and help each other stand up straighter– and demand from Tibetan lamas that they bring us a pure tradition of Buddhism– and demand from ourselves that we refuse to be dumbed down. We must refuse to be dumbed down! We all must question our lamas and continue to expose their abuses of power and then support and respect each other as well.

Please, let’s stop the bickering and see what’s to be done to get through this difficult time.

218. Anonymous, on November 15, 2010 at 9:57 pm said:
Dear Drolma,

Each time I encounter a cry from the heart like yours I feel humbled. There is nothing more I can say or do to make it easier for the people I now know, who have been traumatised by Rigpa and other TB organisations.

All I can say to you is that HHDL is probably more trustworthy than many lamas who are currently enjoying luxurious lifestyles at the expense of needy, deluded western devotees. The message of Buddha Shakyamuni is clear — no-one, no guru, friend, relative or therapist can advance your spiritual awarness for you. They can give you a road map and offer guidance along the way…but the persistent work is up to you and you alone. They are teachers. they are not gods. Relate to them as teachers. If they measure up in terms of wisdom, compassion and intelligence respect them for these attributes. But do not surrender your common sense.

219. Drolma, on November 16, 2010 at 4:04 pm said:
Anonymous

Thank you for your kind words. Your advice on how better to approach a lama reminds me of some advice HH Dalai Lama makes to students who ask about abusive lamas. He says that we should take a teacher as a lecturer for a long time before committing to him or her as a disciple. He has also said that we should have the “long noses” of reporters and sniff lamas out from behind and from all around. Unfortunately for me, lama devotion blindsided me very early on and I don’t think anyone could ever have convinced me to be more careful and sniff around!

His Holiness also says, over and over– “Read more books” and this is the advice I believe saved my life and is helping me heal from this horror. Through study, we can do as you say and advance our own spiritual path– we can question and reflect and ignite our own intelligence.

There’s a real conflict between the courage and self-confidence needed to progress on the Buddhist path and the “weak at the knees” experience of devotion. I wish I knew how to really warn people about this!

220. Pema, on November 16, 2010 at 4:25 pm said:
Anonymous you are doing fine. This thread is widely read. I am doing my best re warnings as well.