It was nice to read all the posts in this thread. It's now been a little under a year since I decided to leave the cult I was raised in, and about 9 months since I managed to break away for good. The first few months were absolute hell but I recovered; some residues still remain. Some of the replies on this thread have been so reassuring and beneficial for me to read. I've written enoug
Forum: Former Cult Members and Affected Families

I love the Artists Way, I think it is an incredible book. I like the way it encourages you to be more intuitive and fluid in work and life. I first read a copy about five years ago and since then it has always remained on the bookshelf closest to my favourite armchair :) The thing I'm struggling with so much right now is all the apparent holes in my life, all the experiences I feel like
Forum: Recovery from Destructive Cults and Groups

Thanks Starry. Umm, I feel a lot better today. I had a hard phone conversation with my mum last night where she told me some things that had happened in my early childhood with other cult members that I'd never known about. That was pretty hard to take in, but I've got my husband who thinks they're all absolutely crazy, which helps. I had to get up early this morning with panic att
Forum: Recovery from Destructive Cults and Groups

Actually just looking back over this whole thread I can see how far I've come - it's hard sometimes when you just want to curl up under a blanket and disappear. Sometimes I feel like leaving Subud was like swimming away from an isolated island - I managed to get through the deepest water without drowning and onto dry land. Unfortunately the "dry" land is tidal mudflats
Forum: Recovery from Destructive Cults and Groups

I just wanted to thank destinyawaits and Lady Pleiades for both of your replies. I'm having a really hard time right now, I guess my self esteem isn't up to much and yesterday I had to go to one of their old cult properties to sort out an ongoing issue. I had been doing really well but going back was very triggering and I still feel shaky, in my shoulders and legs. I thought I'd se
Forum: Recovery from Destructive Cults and Groups

Sorry, I really do just have to reply to this. Please remember that Sonoma, as a place, is not representative of the rest of the world, and things which happen in the groups there may be isolated incidents and specific groups (i.e., geographic groups in, say, Subud) may have a certain amount of freedom to choose their own materials and read what they want. It's only when they take those
Forum: Former Cult Members and Affected Families

Thank you both for the advice & resources. Yasmin yes I feel that my life is getting together, but at the same time I want to keep Subud behind me and it's hard, because every day I find out something more disturbing and weird about the whole culture. I feel powerless on so many levels, paranoid on so many levels - invisible, worthless, invalidated, and ugly. I am in CBT and I know t
Forum: Recovery from Destructive Cults and Groups

I will, I promise... but it will take me time. Jupiter.
Forum: Recovery from Destructive Cults and Groups

Corboy: somehow the replies I made never showed up, though I think I deleted them by accident instead of posting. I could relate hugely to everything you wrote and will check out those books. I'm trying to limit my reading a little right now because I get so emotional so easily. The only book I'm aiming to read is Sagan's Demon Haunted World, but want to read more about the things
Forum: Former Cult Members and Affected Families

My dad used to worship at the Subud group in Sonoma. Reading the posts about Anne Haas has really clarified quite a few things for me... I'm extremely disturbed by everything I hear about Subud right now. I was desperately struggling for validation but I think I wasn't emotionally prepared for what to do when I found it. I'm going to take a bit of time out, and maybe come back to t
Forum: Former Cult Members and Affected Families

QuotepomegranateOccam's Razor people, please. I think it's hilariously ironic to try and apply Occam's Razor to a discussion about cults in general, let alone the topic in question. Especially if it's something you know nothing about, and are only posting for the sake of reputation. If there was nothing to be concerned about, why would you even care?
Forum: Former Cult Members and Affected Families

I've had real problems with sexuality in a cultive environment but I've not found ANY resources which has dealt with this. Basically, instead of being forced to express ourselves sexually it was more of the opposite - that sexuality was rigidly repressed, except under marriage. However fidelity rates were extremely low, with the leader having several wives, and the level of divorce and
Forum: "Cults," Sects, and "New Religious Movements"

I've been in a Gurdjieff-inspired group (Subud), although they increasingly distance themselves from their historical roots and manipulate past events to make it all sound very mystical and harmonious. Having been involved in a form of diluted mysticism for the last 23 years of my life (I'm 3rd generation), I could relate a lot to what you've said. The anger of the tone doesn'
Forum: Recovery from Destructive Cults and Groups

I just wondered if there are any ex-members of Subud out there. I've had some really messed up experiences but have nobody to talk to about it. Most of the time I just feel like it must be all in my own head, and I feel totally invalidated.
Forum: Former Cult Members and Affected Families

It's been six months since I left my nrm which my entire family were involved in. I still have dreadful nightmares every single night - long and rambling and senseless, which absorb most of my energy for the entire day. It can get pretty messed up.
Forum: Recovery from Destructive Cults and Groups

I'm a 3rd generation cult survivor and I left under difficult circumstances six months ago. I'm struggling so much right now. I'm in cognitive behaviour therapy but my psychologist isn't really an expert in this. I'm trying so so hard to get better (I'm 23), but I suffer from really bad depression and cannot make sense of the things which so many people find automati
Forum: Recovery from Destructive Cults and Groups